The Christmas Wish

She didn't seem to be hurt but she wasn't going to go anywhere the way the car was sitting. She got out and tried to determine where she was. It was dark, but she saw she was almost back to her church just half a block away. Ironic wasn't it that the church was so prominent tonight. Sort of appropriate. She could almost think God was trying to tell her something. But if it was to not do what she planned, it was too late. He had made it clear to her she was on her own so she would do what she thought best for her. But she was cold and the car was not going anywhere so the lights from the church were enough to draw her there to get in from the snow and the cold. She could decide what to do then. She trudged toward the church and made her way inside.

There were far fewer people there now at just past 11:30. Most of the faithful had gone home to their families and their trees and their hot cocoa. She stood in the outer lobby trying to decide who to call. Not her kids, that was for sure. She didn't need the complications tonight. She called Carol first, and after Carol stopped yelling at her for not being at home as she promised, she told her about the accident, reassured her and then told her to call AAA for her. She didn't have the damn card or the number. She told her where she was and that she would stay there. Carol called back ten minutes later and told her to wait and they would try to find someone to come and pull the car off the road, although the bored voice told her it might be some time. It was Christmas Eve after all. She went into the church and sat down in one of the rows.

George came into the church an hour later and saw her sitting there. He walked over and sat down beside her.

"Tough night sis? You look like hell. Why don't you come home with me and Carol? It's Christmas Eve, for pete's sake. Come home with me."

"Thanks for the offer, but you have Carol's family there. You don't need me screwing up your Christmas Eve. Just let me go home and you do the same. And thanks for the offer. It's the best one I've had."

George argued with her for a few more minutes but he finally gave up. He gave her a kiss on the head, just as he did when they were kids and started toward the exit. Just before he left, he pulled his cell phone out and made a call.

"Did you call? Is he on the way?" He listened for a minute, nodded and walked back to Madison. "Make sure you stay right here because someone is on the way. OK?"

"I'll be right here, don't worry and tell your wife that I'll be going straight home afterwards. OK? Please, so she won't be calling me all night." George nodded, smiled at her and then left to go home to family and friends.

She watched George leave and thought just briefly that he could have tried a little harder. But then she knew he was with Carol's family and he didn't need her around to watch out for tonight. As she waited, she casually looked around. Just a few people left now. Almost empty. Just like her life. Empty and barren. Nothing to live for and no one to care. Well, it was now Christmas Day and she still hadn't accomplished her task, but soon now, she would say goodbye to it all. This was the end and it was about time.

But, at least she had been able to be of some help on this, her last night. Melissa was home with her family and safe. That was something. Maybe a point in her favor when it came time to judge her. Suicide against all the wishes she had helped bring true. She didn't know how to weigh that, so she left it up to God.

She bent her head and decided to say a prayer to God, just to let him know she was on her way. Maybe he could make the journey a little easier. Maybe he would be in a good mood on this special night. She closed her eyes and began to pray. As she did, she once again felt that warmth flow through her, just as it had that night when she watched Melissa in that church in San Francisco. She felt a wave of peace descend over her like a warm blanket, telling her everything was going to be OK. Suddenly, her breath caught in her throat. She no longer felt alone! She raised her head and opened her eyes.

He was standing there, looking at her. She blinked, frantically shaking her head. This couldn't be real. She was hallucinating! That had to be it. Was she really there in the church or had she taken the pills and was now dreaming? She stood, reaching out to touch him, to see if he was real. She touched an arm, a hand. Warm and real.

"Parker? Is it really you?" She was holding on to the back of the pew in front of her, keeping herself from collapsing. She waited for his answer. If he was real, what would he say? If this was a hallucination, she prayed to God, "God, please don't do this to me. If this isn't real, take me now."

He smiled at her and reached out to take her hand. He was real! She could feel the touch of his hand! He moved toward her, took her in his arms and whispered in her ear, for only her to hear.

"I've tried living without you and I can't. I don't want to try anymore. I love you too much still. I can't let you go again so we'll make this work. We'll figure it out together and we'll make it work. Come back to me and help me."

"Yes!" Madison threw her arms around the only man in the world she had ever loved and held on as tightly as she could. She buried her face against his chest, and amidst the happy tears, said a silent prayer.

"Thank you God for bringing him to me. I'm sorry for what I did and for what I was about to do. Forgive me for my sins, and forgive me for doubting you."

To Parker, she said, "Take me home where I belong. And Merry Christmas my love!"