All Comments on 'The Circus'

I really like your attention to development of characters and story arc. I've read the first three internet pages so far. This is definitely in the realm of erotic literature which, as a reader, I find infinitely more rewarding than the shorter stroke pieces more commonly found here.

Three helpfully intended suggestions:

1) More attention to editing (or soliciting the services of an editor listed on the site). There are several instances where you attempted to rewrite passages and ended up with a blend of your original thought and the new one. It's a little jarring and puts too much onus on the reader to cipher your intended output. Also, I found a few misspellings and mistaken homophones.

2) Shorter paragraphs. Computer screens are much harder on the eyes (especially older ones) than the printed page. I try to hold myself to no more than four sentences in a paragraph to maintain enough white space to rest my readers' eyes.

3) More economy in your sentence construction. Several of your sentences led off with phrases similar to "Let it be known that...", which really say nothing. For a story this long and rich in detail I need every word to move the story forward.

I look forward to finishing this tale and whatever spinoffs you have in mind. Congratulations on such an epic first submission.

Thanks for the comment! Hope you enjoy the rest!

Yep I do most of my writing in the wee hours so I thought this was edited much better than it actually is haha, only after I posted did I see soooo many errors. Thanks for the info about the paragraphs too, they looked a little less crazy on word but now I see them on here, woah! Far too big!

Thanks again!

I am here in NZ enjoying a lazy wet day and sat and read your story with great delight. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Loved the development of characters which made them seem so real. Agree with previous comment. A great first story and I can only hope you submit many more. Excellent!!

What a lovely comment, and greetings from across the Tasman sea! Thanks for your support :)

This is by far one of my favorite stories here! I adored each and every character and I definitely fell in love with the sweet little family they created. I also found your premise exciting and enjoyable– as a dancer myself it was super fun to read :) Not sure if you plan to expand upon this world, but if you're considering it I would love to learn more about Caleb and Bertie's backstories. Keep up the good work, I can't wait to see what else you post!

Thank you very much! :)

I can't believe this is your first story here. I enjoyed the cast of characters, the setting, and of course Tommy and Bo!

Absolutely loved your story! To me The Circus was a unique setting. The story was smoking hot, had interesting characters, great erotic scenes within an excellent plot, and was a great read. There were some distracting homophones. It was an amazing first story. Loved it and hope we see more from you.

Such a great story! Thank you for posting it. I agree with what other commenters said, but I'd like to add one thing. Your character development is great, and I was with you completely 'til the end, when Tiffany and Caleb's love was revealed. I was thinking, no way could Tiffany have kept that hidden for YEARS! Tom was her best friend and I know you said he realized he hadn't been looking, but that's a huuuuge secret to keep. She also seemed incapable of lying to him without him knowing. And it made me wonder about Caleb's past even more -- and he's a detective AND a prostitute? Color me skeptical. But I enjoyed the tale very much, and wish I could visit a place like the Circus. Keep writing!

Please write some more. You’re really Good.

I decided to read this by chance, and I am really glad I did! Dialogue, plot, and characters were all first rate! Your pacing was also good. I'm glad you took some time to develop your characters and let your story grow. It seems I don't find as many stories to read on Literotica as I used to. Yours was definitely an exception! I will be watching for your name on a new story. Thank you.

I didn’t even see this story until today and I’m SO FREAKING GLAD that I took a chance!!! Amazing story. I loved how well thought out the characters were. Very unique.

Magnificent work, Dear Author. An absolute page turner, I couldn't put it down. Tom's inner monologue made me laugh over and over. I'm pleased to see there's a sequel but saddened that there isn't more of your well-crafted writing to read beyond that. Five Stars and following on the chance you may reappear.

Please write more. It's so well written, a great plot and wonderful character development.