All Comments on 'The Club'

5*

Excellent from start to finish. It is a rare story that is strong enough to be enjoyable even when including several things that aren't enjoyable to me personally. This was one of those. I especially loved her realistic thoughts and emotions. In such a short space, you gave us so much hot play and real character development. Even Tim, in a few short lines, became a full person. You made this realistic nasty, positive nasty and fun nasty. You didn't make it mean, ugly and crazy nasty. Thank you, and may we have another.

Very well done, Cinnamon_Tart -- a delicious piece of writing. Five stars and thank you.

Really bad

...for the positive feedback, and the negative. :) Glad it's touched folk a little. I liked writing this one.

I would love to know, Anonymous, what is behind your "really bad" comment. I don't mind anonymous feedback at all, but if there are points for improvement stylistically, I'd love to hear them.

What prompted you to ask if anyone is THAT dumb? Dumb how?

If it is the fact that you don't like writing about BDSM and Ds, could i perhaps suggest that you simply don't read this genre? You will find nothing to appeal to you in it...just as i don't in so many of the genres here. But i don't post as you do. If i read something i don't like, i tend just to pass on by.....

CT

Thank you for this story. It was a pleasure to read something that was so carefully written with a believable set of characters and plausible scenario. I thought for a while that it was going to get nasty and too cruel for my taste - but you kept it sensible and erotic. Cheers. Steve.

Thanks. Looking forward to the next installment....

Jade, the prefect nom de plume (perhaps a misuse but nearly apt, I think), for you are here "jaded", finding the man who serves your pleasure tiresome, not in an insulting way but from the simple fact that experience has taught you much that he has yet to learn. So with patience, you teach and cajole and endure, and direct and inform and expose yourself and him to the process and the inherent paradox that his is caution and your desire that he be willing to be incautious and thus willing to make a mistake that you will pay for. This is the precursor of this story.

You sketch well your task, the ennui that becomes a strain, while you let him feel his way along with you. You make nothing of the first shift and what it says about you, that you can go from the leading role to something subordinate with nearly no transitional discomfort, not clinging to the power you surrender, no arguing for the right to hoard that power or exert it. When it is time, you let the relationship change. The elegance of the shift is never neoned into bright relief by your words, but noted and then passed over, daring us the readers to miss it. It isn't a teacher's patronizing approval, it is the oozing of your cunt that says the shift has happened and something new begins. Then you lay out the moment, how all your "work" with him suddenly becomes your pleasure and your creation subsumes itself and becomes your master. That is an incredible moment and your plainsong prose merely notes your orgasm and your mind noting that he's become "that guy" who uses you for your pleasure. And that is all background to The Club.

You convey the ambiance of the place, the people, the ick and lust all tangled up together into experience that you simply can't escape, once you pass through the doors. You write it as reportage, but also inside your skin, exposing your senses to use in a way that leaves us teased so that each sentence becomes distracting foreplay but foreplay nonetheless. Once you are bound, blindfolded, your readers' inner eyes become yours and we cease to see but feel and feel and feel with you. But the twin tracks work also, the subtle awareness that your ennui is about to be washed away by an orgasm that wipes clean your mind and finally, after 6 months, you can release yourself to this man and float untethered in the sea of ecstasy. There is no doubt that a second chapter is demanded. So please, write more.

I am late discovering this story. Apparently six years late. I hope you, the author, still gets notifications of comments. What follows from me is purely complimentary.

This was one powerful story conveyed in only 3 pages on Lit. What an excellent swing in the power dynamic. Jade is tired of being the educator, trying to move things ahead more quickly, willing to tolerate mistakes at her own peril, and indifferent to repeating what she had previously found as routine. Small reflective elements of their preceding days shows Tim gaining his footing and clearly it was unobserved by Jade.

Even the preliminary session on St. Andrews Cross hasn’t alerted Jade to the transitional step she is about to experience. Neil was a complete surprise fulfilling her suppressed dreams. The flood gates were opened and Neil that night and Neil still has dibs on a return visit for inflicting a little pain and pleasure.

What a pleasure to read. I only wish there were more to be heard from Jade, Tim and Neil.

Wonderful!