All Comments on 'The Club of Death and Rebirth Ch. 01-02'

The story is fairly well written, but I didn't find it particularly erotic or emotionally engaging. I could sort of empathize with the heroine in the nondescript office building, and I could shudder at the discovery of the rider on her soul, but all the harpy / panther business just didn't seem to have enough grounding in a person I actually cared about to make it engaging.

For a reader like me, the story might have been more engaging if you had started with a chapter following the heroine during a day in her life, chronicling the drabness and the dread and the sense that something wasn't right, that she was somehow deficient. You show a bit of this in her visit to her doctor, but not enough, I think, to really give us a feeling of who she is and what is at stake.

For a reader like me, the Hieronymus Boschian scenes of carnality and copulation are not really that titillating in their own right---I can watch warthogs copulate on the National Geographic channel. What is titillating is seeing these scenes through the heroine's eyes, feeling the impact they have on her. You have tried to present it this way. At least to me, though, she just didn't yet have enough presence in my mind for her impressions to have any profound resonations.

Please take these comments with a grain of salt. Readers like me are old farts who mostly prefer romances to science fiction. You're a competent writer. Follow your own inner voice.

But be sure to listen to it.