All Comments on 'My Cruise from Hell'

Ok... so... that was really boring

What a waste of time and you had TWO editors? Seriously doubt that.

One of the worst stories I've ever had the misfortune to skim. The writing and editing were hopeless, a long boring "how many times some guy with ED had sex" intro, nothing interesting on the ship and nothing interesting after the cruise. Not for me. Better luck next time.

I don't think the Copyright notice was necessary. You are safe.....

fishing will be plentiful. TK U MLJ LV NV

Rambling tale full of useless info. How did it rate a mid three?

Why.would you bother to copyright (not “Copy Right”) this drivel? Believe me, absolutely no one would want to steal any part of it.

B.T.B lovers are never happy unless the cheating wife gets punished and goes to a mexican whore house to live.This is B.T.B story so just enjoy one of the few here..

The problem with this story: she spent the night before embarking with an old boyfriend, and even so, he did go in the cruise with her? Why didn't he go home in the morning? However today's best story in LW...3*

Tina buried three husbands . So you could say Thomas the construction heavy machine operator / narrator got off easy only losing a couple thousand. I enjoyed the story which was told in bar room yarn , conversational, off the cuff , kinda mode.

Bottom Line : Not a candidate for Pulitzer Literature prize , but not bad. This is best enjoyed with cheap salted peanuts , chilled Budweiser and Espn Sportscenter faintly blaring in background . Ahh memories.

I thank Red Tempest for sharing .

dumb cuck shit.

It is a hateful kind of tale. I can not understand why he stayed after the first night or did not get off and take a plane back at the first port of call. He did not have any back bone

either..... Besides all that, the author needs an editor....

I was reluctant to read this based on the comments, but there doesn't seem to be anything else, so here goes!

""Here, this will cover my share of the cruise. You will have to cover all your own expenses" - If they just finished the cruise, why does he owe for his "share" of the extended cruise?

I'm on Page 2, and STILL haven't got to what the fuck happened!

As I think others have said, she obviously slept with Wes the night before the cruise, and nothing happened?

"I had to struggle with them by myself," - Why not call her on Wes helping her?

"You're a dick head for embarrassing me like that." - LOL, HE'S a dick head for embarrassing HER? She gives Wes HIS seat at dinner, is spending all her time with Wes, admits to trying to book the spa for Wes on HIS dime, and SHE'S embarrassed? She SHOULD be embarrassed, by her own actions!

As I said at the start, THEIR cruise was over, why does he owe for "his" share of the new cruise?

@Anonymous Re: "WOW" - It has nothing to do with Mexican whorehouses, the story simply sucked. Frankly, they weren't married, his cutting her off from Priscilla's family, and having to admit that Wes on the cruise was sufficient burn for what happened.

He should have beat the snot out of Wes, left him locked in a cabin and then just left the ship. He should have dumped her crap in random dumpsters around town. He was too nice and she just took advantage of him. Man up Tom, you're supposed to be a tough guy.

This author apparently followed the lead of other boring writers who spend so much time on trivial descriptions. Who cares if he is 5 foot ten inches or 6 foot? Some facts are just not relevant to the plot.

Or maybe a category called "Wives Who Love To Fuck Everybody Except Their Spouse". I realize there are some warped fuckers out there who have such low self-esteem that they actually get off on the idea of having their wife fuck around on them. I'm not one of them. I don't identify with them. I don't have any more sympathy or compassion for them than I would for someone who is physically abused and has the ability to leave, but keeps going back. If the relationship isn't what you want, get out of it. If you stick around, it's because you want to. Don't expect me to empathize with you.

Oh, and looking at the list of other shitty stories this author has posted here, it looks like my assessment of "low self-esteem" was right on the mark. Instead of writing shitty stories, maybe you'd benefit more from some psychological counseling.

More like Pink Breeze.

Everyone plays the fool for fine woman at some point . You absorb the lesson and when scar fades , wince a bit and hopefully laugh at what a chump you were for silk stocking, eye shadow and pushupbra variant the Delilah played you with. It happens . Red Tempest does a pretty good job recounting on how a man can played when blood is flowing south of waist , instead of brain where it belongs.

This isn't a superbly well written story or uplifting story. But it has the ring of truth of how a callow guy gets gamed by playerette. It took guts to tell it and I respect that. Keep writing RT , you're improving as an author. Fuck the trolls.

A lot of folks don’t like the story I see. I appreciated a perspective where someone is in a bit of a grey zone. They are not married. They both have huge life experience. They both click. They don’t communicate that well (the sex while drunk example). So there is room for misunderstanding and for bad outcomes. As for the money at the end—he recognizes that a “deal is a deal” and he holds up the original deal—he pays for the activities on the cruise. He acts consistently—he gets angry than feels bad for that behavior and then offers money to compensate. And I appreciated the inadvertent BTB. It was realistic and appropriate. What you would expect from life, and what you would expect from someone who had gained the “long view.”

I appreciate the effort you made in writing this story. Here are two thoughts I want to leave with you:

1. Your story title is "My Cruise from Hell" and yet we, as your readers, didn't "step on to the boat" until the tail end of chapter 5 of a 6 chapter story. Way too much time was spent on the build up and too little effort expended on what should have been the heart of the story. Your build up could have been summed up in less than a chapter but I'm figuring the pressure to post on an erotic lit site led you to placing the sex scenes you felt you needed there, thus over-expanding the build up and letting it take over the story.

2. Work harder than you have on using dialog to tell your story, rather than the main character as narrator. Imagine the scene you want to tell us about - the characters, the environment, and what the characters are physically doing there. Now, rather than tell us what the characters are doing, just simply write out their conversation. What are they saying to one another? You can always go back in and add the other details later. What information do you want your readers to pick up? Have the characters say it to one another, remembering to keep their talk short. Two sentences each time a character talks is a good rule of thumb. Just remember how conversations work in real life - people rarely talk to us in paragraphs and when they do, we tune them out.

Seems like a rewrite or something I have read

A two time one at that. Are there really women like that? Living with a guy ,then cheating on him and setting up a love cruise so you can fuck the other guy. What the hell.

since you thought this story was boring, I also guess you enjoy getting the horns put on you.. this is not a loving wife.. just a cheating woman that betrays the man she is supposed to be with.. enjoy the bull nose ring ..

Isn't this the same story as your story "Betrayal" with just different names a a few different circumstances?

You have a whole chapter of back story that isn't necessary. Neither is the story of the beginning of their relationship. It's the story of his cruise from hell, so get right to it.

Any man who is that dull witted and such a poor judge of character deserves whatever deception he allows other people to foist upon him. All she did was what he allowed her to get away with, for way too long and way too much disrespect.

A really annoying story about a stupid poltroon. How much fun is that?

This is just such a poor story I don’t know where to begin. But the first is their age and tat they weren’t married. That just wrecked any possibility this Story had.

Very brief advice,

You could condense most of this story just by saying:

Tina and I had a historically tumultuous relationship. Over the X time we were together, we'd often go through rocky patches where things cooled down romantically, and then we'd reconnect for a time before it repeated.

Don't belabor the point, and don't dilute things by adding irrelevant background or details that add minimally to the story. Also, focus more on the actions and interactions. Simple internal dialogue isn't bad, but generally it is better to show rather than tell.

Keep writing!

The story needs grammar editing. And your method of trying to add drama by over describing the sex, detracted from the story. It is like you felt you had to overstate every little minutia of sex in detail got to be boring, sometimes less is more.

Two embittered people who don't even like each other.

The guy had a gf, and it didn't work out. The end. It happens all the time. This category is Loving Wives. It is about WIVES, not girlfriends. Girlfriends literally don't owe you anything. Like she said, it wasn't even clear they were exclusive, as they were not engaged or married. Kinda fucked up, but true. There were no promises (didn't even discuss it, he just assumed because they moved in together) and when she found someone better, away she went.

She's definitely a bitch, but no BTB needed because they were just boyfriend-girlfriend and it just didn't work out. Being a wife changes things. Wives take vows (make real solemn promises) and owes her husband exclusive fidelity. This story is just a boo-hoo, lesson-learned, move-on kind of story. And it was needlessly convoluted and had useless facts unrelated to the story (you seem really into rotating restaurants). Why are you talking about some obscure bet at a casino when the story is supposed to be about Wes taking this guy's girlfriend? (And to clear up why he gives $2000 to his fucked up girlfriend: it is because she paid for the cruise and he was supposed to pay for the expenses. He stiffed her on the expenses and so he paid her back for the cruise.)

So this was just a boring "who cares?" kind of story. Next time write about a wife when you post in here. 2* for the effort.

It's been long established that girlfriends/fiancees are valid relationships here.

I think most people would assume that once you're living together, you're exclusive!

Even non-exclusive girlfriends don't secretly arrange for old boyfriends to take the same cruise, then ditch the current boyfriend, who is PAYING for the cruise to spend all their time with the old boyfriend!

@Anonymous Re: "First problem" - See the first line.

No, exclusive means being engaged or married, which we are neither," So what does that shit at "Loving Wives"?? Go and publish where it belongs at the "trash" section!!!

Maybe it’s me but this is not as well written as usual story. Ok it is written in English correct from my background. The storyline and characters were poor! Talk about a plot line seen from a mile away. Not sure why ratings are so high. I know there are not many good stories out right now but I expected more from the rating and this authors past stories. Hopefully a better one to me next time! Still I will admit better than I could probably write and i have never attempted to submit anything.... yet!

Please do keep writing and I will keep reading

Liked it , bit too much detail on sex , don t worry about the inbreds , plenty of fiancé and gf stories on here

But i find it hard to believe that at 70 years old, she would be fucking around considering everything dries up and even erections are not as frequent or as solid as in their younger years.

So why write a story where the characters have one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel? Why write them like they're in their 20's and not senior fucking citizens?

This was not entertaining to read. It was just...sad.

"Exclusive means engaged or married?" - Since when? So why do so many couples, BEFORE they get engaged agree to be exclusive?

I don't know if the term is still being used, but in my day we used to "go steady." We weren't engaged, but we didn't date anyone else, i.e. we were exclusive!

Fiancées at least have made promises. Girlfriends are too far out there. By accepted, you mean some people have stopped bitching about it. I have not. This category is not Loving SOs. So I reserve the right to complain about it along with others.

Also, about living together assuming exclusivity, that is, of course, a good assumption, but the point is: don't be pissed when you are wrong, you should have asked or otherwise made it clear. Take your medicine and move on. Sure she is a bitch, but we know that. Throw her to the curb, but if don't want to waste time and you want to know where you stand, ask. I would say that especially when the partners are older like this and it seems to be as much a convenience as anything else. There was so much wrong with the relationship before the cruise that the point is pretty much moot anyway.

My guess is that he didn't know that Wes was a set-up, and hoped that the night before was an aberration, and that she would return to him for the cruise.

Me, I think I would inform anyone she decides to date, about how she treats her boyfriend(s). I'd dog her for a long, long time.

Being exclusive doesn't mean being engaged or married it is an agreement between a couple to be so. Any way she broke that and cheated, that released him to do as he liked to so he got rid of the bitch. I wonder if Priscilla and him got together to the expense of Wes.

Just a poor excuse for a story

for the most part. Maybe he put up with her shit for too long, but he did do the right thing in the end. Thanks for the story.

I know this is older, but no, the acceptance of SO's ISN'T because people have stopped bitching, it's because the mods have said that SO's are valid in the category.

As for living together, i say that it is such a valid assumption that the OTHER person needs to say, "Just because we're living together doesn't mean that we're exclusive." I would bet that not 1 person out of 1,000 say, "Okay."

Why couldn't a drunken Was fall overboard on a dark night? That would have made a much better story.

Sooooo, why was he dating a fat girl who believed in astrology in the first place???

And he's not gone the night they ran into Wes why???

deserved everything he got and she deserved more than she got.

Then either go on the cruise and dump all her stuff outside Wes's cabin (or overboard) or go home send her an email giving her 48 hours to clear her stuff out or it's being dumped....then dump it.

Seriously, giving her 2K?

Don't take any shit about 'telling Penny' it wasn't as if it was done from spite, he didn't know their relationship. Tough shit.

being 60+ and still physically active,,,,,however morals do not age well with attitudes, TK U MLJ LV NV

I guess I had a hard time with their ages, all the cheating and back stabbing that was going on. It seemed like a bunch or horny teenagers without a brain between them. Not good.

1 star

Took almost two full pages to get to the cruise. Two stars.

He knows she had sex with Wes the night before boarding the boat, but he still went on the cruise. He said, "Some fucking cruise for me. I knew I should have bailed Friday night," Damn right he should! Even if she came to him the whole cruise, why would he want her?

Another pretty good senior citizen BTB. Keep active.

You could have shortened the story to 1 1/2 pages by getting rid of the old people sex. The story was not a very good story. No man would have gone on the cruise after seeing what the other person was doing.

He's an idiot! The treatment that first dinner at the hotel was strike 1. Coming in at 5AM was strike 2. Semen in her panties was strike 3, 4, 5,... And then she ignores him at breakfast and he still goes on the cruise? Why? There was no marriage to save. She was just an evil slut and you run away from evil sluts just as fast as you can. That story was idiotic.

I gues for older folks ..with less testtestorone in thier bodies... the agrrsion of seeing their spouses with other guys just does not exist....they are just passive..loke my pet tortoise! no doubt he continued with her for so long afetr so many isults and slights!

Sorry. I was a bit harsh in my comments 11 months ago. Yes, he should never have gotten on that boat. He should have returned home and moved her stuff into storage, but we all do foolish things at times. He would have spared himself a lot of humiliation.

1 star - sad cuck/wimp crap

What a bloody cucky wimpy author…! I guess it’s true that men who are doubtful of their masculinity will try to show off by buying Red Tempests and mouth off loudly everywhere! This author is the classic example

Again. Story was actually pretty decent. He was slow, but he finally threw the bitch out.

Some punishment for Wes is missing...

Slow learner but at least he didn’t marry her

Men pieces of shit Women the same Story pointless and stupid

Just a little helpful hint: very few, and this doesnt include you, can put this up and not be laughable "This story and or any portion of this story may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the owner/author, except for the brief quotations used in a review."

So-so story, Im sure the BTB misogynistic crowd will eat it up but remember they are to BTB stories what the closet queen crowd are to the cuck stories.

For a story to be enjoyable, it has to be believable, even if it's a bit gonzo. Poll 10,000 dudes, and ask how many of them would sit there and say or do nothing when Wes sat down at the table the first time. Exactly zero. Maybe less. "Hey, Tina, who's your friend?" for starters. Or, "Look, man, you might know my woman, but you need to take it elsewhere; this is private."

Weak and stupid. Written by another man-hating woman? Why would you create such a pathetic MC ? Just pushing the same old agenda that it's okay for all the female dogs to run around loose? What a waste.

Her betrayal made for a dramatic story, but why did she plan his humiliation in advance? She must have known it would end the relationship.

Remember what your balls are for.

This was unreadable. He gets off a cruise ship, and then we get force-fed with a firehose, a backstory that's only a little less complex and crowded than War and Peace. No--couldn't get interested. The players came zipping by faster than the story could follow them. I read to enjoy not to unravel what a bad writer is trying to tell me. Didn't vote on this hot mess.

Too much stupid, irrelevant backstory. The long, rambling saga of the "four-day Memorial Day Weekend," including quotes, parenthetical asides, and more, absolutely pisses off most normal people. Also, the detailed personal life history is way too much. That began with the idiotic phrase, "Allow me to introduce myself..." This isn't TV, knucklehead! Give us what we need to understand the story (we don't want to become best friends with them) and move on.