All Comments on 'The Cuckolds Retreat Island Ch. 01 Pt. 02'

You need to fire those editors. They suck. Is English your native language? It doesn't seem like it. You need a lot of help. It seems like there is a story in there, but it's so obscured by the awful writing that I can't follow it.

You seem to have some weird ideas about feminism, as well. It just makes you look ignorant to put those mistaken cliches in your story.

Write better, and get better editors. Try SBrooks103x. He's pretty good, I hear. Maybe he'd take you.

Italics are fine. It's the tale that counts. For a very short tale this said a lot. You know after the first chapter I said we have to burn this bitch, and I appreciated your little note to me. Now let's light up the furnace.

Five Stars

think this got bugged on upload or something even the comments are in Italics. anyway fire ur editor, hate when ppl say it been edited but it really wasnt. it could have been better and should have made part 1 and 2 together 1 page Ch are very annoying. u should pull both stories find a better editor/proof reader and put them out in full Ch not that part 1, 1 page part 2, 1 page crap gl to ya

I just wanted to know if your parents had any children that lived. Because you have the sense of a dead goat. I hoped that your father managed to clean the best parts of your dumb ass of the mattress. My goodness, you calling someone an idiot, ranks up there with Trump calling himself a people person. Go home, jack off and leave reading these stories to the grown ups.

I cannot believe this was edited by someone who speaks English. How can you mix first and second person within one sentence?

Switching POV's in a sentence? Using words incorrectly? This is a mess. But he will burn the bitch, so 5 *s from me. Love the invention of italics everywhere. You must be a true IT genius to pull it off.

AMerryman

Hope he figures out how to get back at her

This is what the story looks like AFTER it has been edited multiple times by multiple people?? HOLY CRAP!

I’m willing to set aside the quality of the writing, the constant changes in perspective, and the numerous misspellings and grammatical errors. This is a free amateur site. That’s to be expected.

I’m willing to set aside the fact that you forgot to end the italics tag. (Although I can’t help but wonder why one of the mods didn’t do that for you.)

I’m also willing to set aside some of the head-shaking moments in this story, like the repeated mentions of “feminism”, the fact that this guy (an IT guy, no less!) is still burning CD’s in 2018, and the fact that grandpa and every other male in the story has been burned by some bitch, and therefore all women be bitches.

Setting ALL of that aside, I could forgive it all and enjoy this story if only it were interesting in some way. So far, all that has happened is that hubby discovered his wife is cheating. Instead of confronting her about it, he stood there and recorded her with his cellphone. Then he tried to find a divorce lawyer. Then he collected more evidence for some reason.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Some people actually ENJOY this?!

When will they get to the island?! Just get to the island! Let the ceremonial burning of bitches commence! Introduce the nymphomaiac virgin character who will ultimately end up with our hero! Put the spy gadgets away! We don’t need them anymore! Grrrrr!

I'm an idiot and someone said I wasn't. I'll take it.

This guy seems hell-bent on getting run over....the writing needs lots of help.

"At which point I drove to his office to start his search. Upon arriving at my company I greeted his secretary Gladys Cummings"

"I" drove to "his" office to start "his" search? Upon arriving at "my" company "I" greeted "his" secretary?

Similar pronoun gaffes throughout.

No need to tell us that you just gave background on grandfather and uncle, I think we could figure that out.

I find it hard to believe that THREE people edited this. I've seen stories that were self-edited that weren't as messed up as this!

If I did, it would drive me crazy.

You have multiple mistakes in the introductory paragraph where you talk about the story having been edited. Classic.

You change from "I" to "him" (first person to third) within the same sentence. Multiple times. Maybe you both are going to the island together.

You include functional dialogue with the secretary that is totally irrelevant to the story. But it happened (fictionally, of course), so you included it.

We have to wait to see if the visit to the feminist (i.e., "I only take winning cases!") divorce lawyer has any relevance to the story. So far, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise this entire posting would hold little development from last time.

You say you post at other sites, too; I'm wondering how successfully. And I wonder if it's in English. If you had no dialogue and no plot to worry about in those postings, I can see it. So were these other writings of yours really stories, or were they contributions to an IT board or journal? I'm not belittling that. In fact, I find it refreshing that someone would cross over to the creative side after a successful life on the technical side. And writing in an alternative language? Kudos to you, if so.

I'll go 3* because both your story and your creative process are clearly works in progress. You aren't hardheaded and belligerent like many authors who take all criticism personally. That, too, is refreshing.

Misogyny, check!

Total loss of control of first person / second person perspective, check!!

What really kills me personally, and I know some will disagree, is the entire conversation with Ms.Thompson. The "author" dialogs the entire conversation that wouldn't take 5 minutes let alone an entire hour, and then the lawyer tells him his time is up. And please don't claim they were watching the video for the other 55 minutes. One, it's pretty clear they didn't or it would be at least mentioned in the dialog, and second no lawyer would bother to watch the whole thing unless she was masturbating to it! A minute or two at most would be more than enough for her to get the idea... so where did the other 50 minutes go? It's obviously not a big deal compared to all the other completely unbelievable elements, I just found it very amusing. Just one of those, "Wait! What?!?!" moments among many that were completely distracting.

So I have one of those idiots, asking the author to hurry up with the follow up to his story... and, honesty, 'wish I didn't do that.

Man, does this story need a serious polishing! Nothing worst than a narrator he keeps going for first to third person throughout his storytelling, sometimes on the same exact phrase! Then, there's the punctuation issue - there's periods everywhere, sometimes straight in the middle of a dialogue, which hurt the flow of the story. I have to wonder if this chapter actually got editing... if so, I would strongly suggest that either the author doesn't rewrite over the corrections of his editors... or that he find better editors out there! Also, notes from the author are more appreciated at the beginning or the end of the story... not really before its end. So, structurally speaking, this is a mess, not hopeless, but definitely a 'F', if you were a fifth grader, writing a fictional story for your English. More effort to apply yourself would seriously be welcome.

As for the story itself... it sure feels like the narrator is spinning his wheel here, going nowhere fast. I don't really get what good would come from the men in his family telling John about their own issue with unfaithful women (regardless of how much he loved Rose at the time, wouldn't it have been more effective to tell him this BEFORE he got married?) Ironically enough, given the great description those two received in the initial chapter, what they both went through may deserved their own, respective stories, if the author ever chose to write it, of course. John being turned down by the feminazi lawyer makes sense (any story where you see such a woman actually accept a male client is truly fictional), but, at least, him seeing her made sure she can't hire her, later on, during the divorce. I also kinda wish he had the foresight to ask her for recommendations - Thompson wasn't interested in his case, but she certainly could point him to other sharks that would have no issue being less than scrupulous in helping him destroy his wife. John could have try to goat her best nature, so she could provide names of lawyers she loathe to face in the courtroom... then again, there's not much hope of finding help from someone who's opening line actually is "... I believe most of the time the ones at fault if their wives cheat on them are the men involved" (geezus... really!?), but you gotta try, right???

I also can believe that John is still reeling from the betrayal he suffered, but him still being shocked to see the pictures and video of Rose with her lover, that's ridiculous - he caught them FUCKING IN HIS BED... if he seemed to have managed to deal with that, he can certainly deal with the rest! Plus, he seems to be spectacularly aloof about the whole thing, all things considered - I get he's genuinely hurt and isn't a hot-head, in general, but, when shit like this drop down on your head, like that, you gotta realize that time is of the essence, and, the more you know about your enemies, Rose being chief among them, the more brutal you can be to them. The fact he spend his whole day on his computer, and doesn't seems to have move any money in his bank account yet... yep, that's dumb, especially since it's now pretty clear his wife solely married him for his money.

All this to say that I'm quite over John running so lukewarm - in any decent BTB story, which is what this one supposed to be, the wrong spouse either runs volcano-hot or Siberia-ice cold. Time to make your MC reach its true demonic potential, JUSTANERD - if you want him to remain just a good guy, then this tale of yours will never become a true Burn The Bitch. Go HAM or go home.

Expecting the next chapter to come out... when it's READY to come out. No need to rush a subpar work to appease a few impatient readers, who, less we forget, is getting all of this for free!

... While writing an awfully written comment that seriously needs one.

Yep - that's me in a nutshell!

'Guess it's genuinely too hard for everybody to re-read their own shit before posting it around here... The hell.

Story is kinda intriguing but I have to agree with most everyone else. All of the points about 1st person/3rd person (thank god you never lapsed into 2nd person) along with random quotation marks, periods, capitalizations and grammatical errors far too many to count makes this very difficult to read. Honestly, my 11 year old has better sentence structure.

Also as an attorney, the advice given by the feminist lawyer is just plain wrong no matter what state you live in (and the fact that she can stretch a five minute conversation into a billable hour - wish I could do that) . Maybe that is your purpose and it figures into your later chapters. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

Not sure about the so called editors that let this through but you need to find one good one. These three suck.

What difference did the proof of her cheating make if the lawyer believes that the men are responsible for their wives cheating?!

Why did you break it up like this?

Why is there a note between the two parts?

Why is “Part 3” so short? Why not one continuous chapter?

And isn’t it Ch 2? Not part 2 of Chapter 1?

And “Part 3 or Chapter 1” is found at the end of “Ch. 01 Pt. 02”?

It’s just going to get weirder if you keep doing that.

"While walking to his car I had a brilliant thought, at least he thought he did. "I'm an IT person, if someone was looking for someone like me where would be a likely source to find someone like me?

It'd be the internet of course, I can search for divorce lawyers and view their win loss statistics online . Surely there must be someone out there that can help me."

At which point I drove to his office to start his search. Upon arriving at my company I greeted his secretary Gladys Cummings , "Good afternoon Gladys, everything going smoothly so far?"

Who is he? Who are you? My company? His secretary?

Stop changing between first and third person in the same sentence.

I don't expect the same quality of editing in a comment as in a story!

A comment is usually something jotted down relatively quickly. A story is written over some period of time, hopefully proof-read, beta-read and edited. Two completely different animals!

The ideas are OK. Nothing very developed. Also I am not a fan of the author inserting comments in the middle of the story.

God smacked?

There has been enough comment about italics, 2nd person, and other editing problems. There is a good story in there waiting to get out. Bring it on.

We need more comments about italics so random IT twerp #25 can fix the CMS to prevent broken tags from doing this. Now shut up and eat a taco.

This story has a 3.24 rating at this time😮!!

It was poorly written in the first place and this chapter did nothing to change that fact. The score has gone down and nobody is reading it. A quick look at the number of "views" should tell you all you need to know about how bad this was. Stop here and don't embarrass yourself anymore. Badly done.

Stop jumping from the first person ('I') to the third person ('he'). I assumed that the italics was because you didn't understand what you were doing.... but please stop.

You may be better of recording the story, (like telling the story to a friend. And then having someone who enjoys writing to type it up. I think it would be less work than the current editing.

Like every one has said, the story idea is good, entertaining, but the execution of the actual writing is very weak.

For me personally, the challenge would always be the creative part, the story. The writing mechanics would be easier fot me. You have the creative part, but the mechanics are a real challeng.

Any way, just a thought.

I look forward to the rest of the story, but i dread having to read the errors.

lol the comments better than the story

These bad divorce situations can be handled with appearance of a bad gambling problem and hidden money. Refi Home to the max , excuse putting it in the business which he could sell for covering debt back to the family. No kids make it easier and drag it out until all is in place. She works and they go there own way and he could be unemployed for as long as necessary while moving in your grandfathers house. Never stuck if you take your time and plan

You mentioned you used more than one editor, and that may have been part of the problem. Rather than use that approach the next time, I'd suggest using only the one you felt did the best job with your draft. Having too many cooks in the kitchen can lead to a final product that is pulled in different directions.

Prior to my first submission, I was fortunate enough to find an editor that works well with me. I realize this may not be the case for every new author. However if the first few attempts at finding a good fit for your style and temperament don't work out, it's important to keep seeking out someone who can fill that role. Ideally, you can establish a working relationship that lasts through multiple stories.

In the future maybe you should not post any parts of a story until it's finished. Reading an unfinished story is not fair to the reader. No matter how good or bad this story is, I won't look for anymore of it. You have lost this reader and probably a few others. davidclem628@gmail.com

either first person or third. Certainly not both in the same sentence. I second what has already been mentioned about incomplete stories. So often the follow up never appears and sadly FTDS is no longer with us.

Really want to hear how this ends! Worst part is reading a story that leaves you

hanging. I’m holding my review til the end!

A masterpiece skit about a comedy of errors.

the next chapter?

Until you have the whole story. Nothing pisses of the reader like an unfinished story. I can not even understand why anyone would do that. It is like selling half a car. Not worth a shit.

Just_a_Nerd, You really need to pick up the pace in your posts. Post more often, more sex and longer than just 1 Literotice page

because changing person in the middle of a sentence is a definite no-no. "I drove to his office." No! I drove to MY office unless you were going to another business. I do agree with the other commenters that this is a long drawn out process. and the "Notes" are a complete waste of time. The reader can figure out from what's been written why they have the outlook on women and marriage that they have. Most of us are beyond elementary school and we don't read picture books.

Please continue

You should read through what you have written at least once to c correct the very many errors. It's crap really.

Ok, there is some errors in it, but the story is good. I used to live in Allegheny county, in S.W. Pa. and I can easily equate the situation as stated. The courts are terrible. I would love to hear what happens. The title gives me a clue, but my own desire, is to see her in pain from diseases she has caught, and spread around to her lovers. Laughing at her on her death bed, spitting in her face.

You've created enough interest. We all would like to know where this story is going. I've arrived here via a BTB search so I thought that is the route you will be going. You need to burn this bitch! No quarter given or taken. Scorched earth - PERIOD!!! Thanks for sharing!!!

Whatever you do ,don't use the people who edited this grammatical disaster.

I mean this was REALLY bad. Horrible grammar. You make him out to be a complete and utter fool. And then you don't finish it. Nothing worse.

1 star only because negative stars aren't yet available.

so where is the rest of the story

I am really enjoying the story. Please continue.

Good premise... unfinished story, quite old now. Unlikely to be finished scores 1/5

Why can unfinished stories not be put into a class of their own..?

Waste of time reading the bloody thing if it stops halfway through.

As the writer is advanced in age perhaps it will never be finished.

Regards Jim

are not the same person when used in the same sentence

I wonder how many Incel proud boys jerked off while reading this?....

This fucking chickenshit couldn't even finish the fucking story

A decent story ,written well enough to be interesting . I notice that you just quit writing m I hope that this is NOT due to illness or injury to you . Please start this series back up if at possible .

WHY NOT FINISHED

Needs a finish, if the author does not want to, someone pick up the mantle and finish the damn story.

Nerd, if you’re out there, where is part three?

Why the heck did you not finish this, need to see her destroyed

JJ

Hate half finished story trains with no ending.

FTDS

Please, stop writing in both first person and third person in the same story. Or same paragraph and even in the sane sentence. You need to use a grammar detection program. Please.

“I write for my pleasure and hopefully you will enjoy the story.” You may write for your pleasure but when you publish you bring readers into the equation. You should respect them, but you clearly don’t. If you haven’t finished a story, and seemingly don’t plan to, don’t waste readers’ time, particularly with no warning prior to the story.

I was disappointed that you have not attempted to finish this series.

Grammar is terrible with every rambling sentence containing what should be three separate subjects / actions. However, the changing from first person to third is crazy ie. i got in my car and then he went to his office. Who does that? I suspect this story will never be finished as we have had parts 1 and 2 and there is no mention of the island. Very poor proof reading, rambling 'plot' development and terrible grammar make this like a compilation of many different basic plot devices. Basically crap and the fact that it is unfinished is probably the best thing going for it.

I am tired of starting stories and finding the author just quit as it was getting good. It would be good if you could mark them somehow so we would know ahead of time they weren't finished.

Love the story, so where is the next chapter ? AAAA++++

you the writer and you don't need anyone permission too write your story.just write the story and stop acting like a scare child.

I was going to say this author must of got sick or even died when he didn't complete this tale but I see he posted another story a year later! I only gave this story 3* because of the confusing use of I and he, referring to the mc, even in the same sentence! Also, as mentioned, about the incomplete telling of the story. It really pisses me off when you put time into reading the story and it's left unfinished!!!!!

Dobbin55

I gave it a 1 because I hate it when a writer doesn't finish their story.

Finish the story please

1 is 1 more than this deserves as it's nowhere near finished and what there is is not very good.

More Please. More Please. More Please. What a Great Plot, Great Writing, Great Story, Great Effort! I can't wait for more! 10 big Blazing Stars Thanks, Buster2U

Waiting for the next chapter

Hmm 5-yrs and counting, looks to be a lost cause.

I do agree with the consensus, LIT needs to get their act together.

nothing complex required, something as simple as placing authors that have not posted in 5 years with only a small submission quota to be placed in archives.

C'mon you have a good story. I'm not sure why but you should consider sitting down and try writing a few words.

This is just terrible writing. Author spent 100 words to simply say the guy arranged a meeting with a lawyer. Then the story becomes total shit. I assume that Buster 2U was being facetious in his comments.

Terrible grammar and basically a complete load of fucking rubbish.

Please do the world a favor and NEVER write another story and post it here. The absolute worst I've ever seen.

Where is the final chapter?