All Comments on 'The Curator Ch. 11'

fantastic, keep em coming, love your story, cant wait for the next chapter

The sci-fi and tech elements are getting more outlandish, but I still love the plot twist with Cindy. Sue's "participatory archaeology" in the semi-iron maiden is frankly dumb for a character who's supposed to be a rational scientist, but I'll suspend disbelief for a while since the sexual hijinks are dependent upon Sue's lack of good judgement vis-a-vis her safety. If you revise it, maybe you could add a discussion between the two men a chapter or two back about the gags having a slightly narcotic effect on rational thought --- it would help ease the disconnect of our smart heroine all-too-predictably locking herself into a Spanish Inquisition torture device. Although I'll bet an extra star on my next rating that Sue discovers her predecessor in science is the one who reconditioned the damn thing!

More please. Keep 'em coming.

Yes, the devices might get a little out there sometimes. Just went with what came to my imagination at the time.

There is an "explanation" for Sue's stupidity in the upcoming chapters (I've been feeding them through as they get posted since I'm still working on the story, but I've already written up to chapter 16). Hopefully it will "work."

<B>Re: More</B>

Thanks!

I enjoy a lot of your conceptions, but the time frame seems artificial. If we are to believe the evidence, this has all taken less than a day and a half. Granted Dr. Sue is stranded by the weather, but getting out would give her time to recharge. Instead, she moves from one exhausting marathon event directly to another.

Could we at least see her apartment, roommate if any, cat? Does she cook, work out, or do the park? Does she prefer to read technical journals, trashy science fiction novels or untranslated French poetry? Does she Facebook? Is there a circle of contacts to help her research questions?

This would read better if we saw her struggling with heels, which she cannot remove for a week, before she gets on the horse. After that endurance trial, she might have trouble making it to work the next night. That would be an opportunity to explore her dream life.

In short, give us a woman not a robot.

Thanks for the feedback. I'm happy to see some well considered comments.

Timeline: I considered mapping everything to a more specific clock. Being my first story, the planning of timeline was something I missed in the first few chapters. However, even when I realized that I wasn't leaving in the markers for timing, I thought that it might be more distracting to the storyline. I didn't think the story was going to turn into a novel at the time. Now I realize I could have pulled it off without letting it become a big distraction as part of the longer and larger work it was turning into. It's in the live and learn category. I would disagree a little about the day and a half calculation, but not by much.

Personal background: I'm not sure how much detail readers would like about Sue's facebooking, cooking, etc. This is a tricky issue in general. How technical to get about the devices? Some people love all the details. Other people find them boring as can be. Some people want to know how people pee in their chastity belts. Other people could care less. I tried to think about how much mundane background to put in and, as I was saying above about timeline, originally thought I was going with a much shorter story so didn't put a lot of that kind of thing in. I'd be tempted to go that route a little more and round out the environment if I writing this again, but I'd still have the problem of finding an appropriate level of background. I've had comments (elsewhere) to the opposite of this one that there has been too much other stuff and not a fast enough pace. Still, I think you're right that a sprinkling of extra personal elements would be better.

Human vs. robot: Another common issue. Just how much fucking, etc. is appropriate. How much bondage can the character take? etc. Do you talk about how tired the action hero is or do you just keep following the action as they pursue the bad guys? Does Han Solo pull out a sandwich while he's hanging out on the millenium falcon? How much of the human condition is appropriate. Again an area where people have different preferences. I agree though that adding more human elements to Sue would be an improvement.

Good stuff, thanks!

I can answer for my own preferences. I gave this feedback to another author who found it helpful, so maybe it will help you think about these "artistic balance" issues.

I think of stories in terms of the "uncanny valley." Are you familiar with the term from movie or video game special effects? It refers to an audience reaction based upon how realistic things look. At one extreme is a cartoon. People don't care that cartoons show unrealistic things such as rabbits talking and pulling pranks on greedy ducks. The representation is so unreal that you just enjoy the story and comedy. At the other extreme are very realistic effects such as the Lord of the Rings movies, where it looks so real you forget you're in a fantasy land. The tricky part --- the uncanny valley --- is when things look "kind of" real. The movie "Polar Express" is often cited as an example. It's close-but-not-quite real-looking, so audiences get creeped out and lose connection with the story.

Moving from sci-fi / fantasy to Literotica: it's a tough balancing act between sex fantasy and believable characters. We've all read the simple and uncomplicated "porn story" that jumps into the action using stock characters. Nothing wrong with that, and those stories can get away with heroines who all look like godesses and heroes who all have huge cocks and never-ending stamina. It's when stories cross over into "erotic literature" that I really miss the details. In your case, you put together a fairly non-stereotypical and interesting heroine and an interesting and original sci-fi premise. That's already enough like straight-up sci-fi literature that I'd like a few more character details for our heroine (get inside her head a little to learn more about her) and a few plausible details to help me understand the timeline and the explanation for her behavior. It helps a reader "cross over the uncanny valley," if you will. Personally speaking, when the characters and plot are interesting enough, I can wait a while for the sex scenes to get going.

I hope that helps. I'm really impressed that this is your first story. It's a great debut!

My first response to this seems to have disappeared. Anyways, I like the analogy and think that it about sums it up. My own personal conclusion was evolving to much the same thing, that personal details should go one way or the other with amount of depth and detail.

I didn't expect the story to turn out more on the novel side of things when I started. I was also posting to a different site at the start and longer works aren't generally the thing there. It falls in the live and learn category for a first work. I've received both kinds of comments--too much, too little--so I'll take that as a sign that at least some of the chapters are too much in the uncanny valley.

I'll definitely be paying a lot more attention to such matters in the future and perhaps hit a better stride.