by carvohi
Good stuff so far and looking forward to the next chapter. Just a suggestion but would this story not be better posted under romance?
The story is coming along nicely but there is too much of a gap and i actually forgot some of it and had to read the first part again so like you promised post a chapter a day.
Thus far your tale of sin and redemption (had to throw that in, in honor of the Easter timeframe! lol) is going very well. I'm really impressed — it is a story with plot and you've taken the time to develop your characters. Disregard the negative nattering of nabobs (old enough to remember Spiro Agnew?) and keep up the excellent work.
At this point I'm rooting for your characters, hoping that they will all come out well in the end!
This is turning out to be a very interesting tale. Hope the next installment arrives soon. Was definitely worth more than one or two stars. You are just going to have to be happy with the five stars I gave you.
Cannot wait to see how it turns. Out. Hope he saves her and she has a normal life and saves his ex . It doesn't matter if he marries or remarries as long as they all go done the road as a straight couple.obliviously she is running
from a proper upbringing or a something else.
My Fair Lady!! Pretty Woman, etc. These are tough acts to follow, You are doing a pretty good job. Keep it up. Oh yeah, fuck up Vince when he comes to reclaim Caprice. Big time.
Your plot is quite interesting. Occasionally, you become tangled in your characters perspectives. You use first person for them usually, but now and then you lapse back into third person. The punctuation is lacking at times, but overall, you're creating an interesting story with interesting characters and background. This story took a lot of work and I thank you for being so generous to us readers.
Really different and completely drawn me in. 5 stars, to encourage you to finish it
Why doesn't he just have paternity done to prove he is the father? If he is looking for redemption why doesn't he start by.....I don't know.....maybe being a father to his daughter instead of an ATM. All he has to do is claim paternity and with his money he should have no problem at all getting custody. It is highly stupid and quite unbelievable that he hasn't done that yet!!!
Please submit the next chapters without so much time in between. Same as many other commenters, I forgot parts of the first chapter's plots, the names and character descriptions, and I had to review some of it. I understood that all chapters were ready when the first one was released - so: why such a long gap between the parts?
Nevertheless: a clear 5* submission!
How could any sane person not love the story? Absolutely wonderful. Five stars are not enough!
One complaint: Please post the next chapter more quickly. I have worn out my eyes the past week looking for chapter 2,
Carvohi, as John LeCarre is the king of the spy story, you are the prince of the Literotica Loving Wife story.
Jumping from one person to another does not seem to offer any problems with this author. Yes, I find the characters very interesting and the story complex especially since there are human beings involved!
... Looking for more of Vince to rear his ugly head and finding out what happens to the ex. I'll echo the sentiments of post quickly please.
This is most certainly a winner of a story.I love the character development and the pacing.Very believable conversations and even better is the continuous subtext. Consider this to be a rave review.More importantly,please keep on with this. It's wonderful.
I'm enjoying this story. I think this section was a good length, but more importantly was more succinct and enjoyable to read.
Nicely done.
and fairly well-written. But for the life of me, I cannie recognise any Scots connection at all.
I grew up on a farm. This gives me a whole different slant on the story. When you're managing a million plus in resources. Everything counts. Everyone has to earn their keep.
There are dawn to dusk chores & maintenance to be done or things go to hell in a hand basket in a quick hurry. There's no time to uplift slackers let alone expend money for whore makeovers or reformation.
This woman has substance abuse problems and giving her a new wardrobe and capping her teeth isn't going to get it. She needs to work 12 steps or go to rehab. It's just that simple. Yup, there's an addiction gene in my family as well. As per the author's request, I won't rate this sweet but extremely, improbable fairy tale.
His ex-wife has some real problems. His new live-in has seriously problems too...and you have painted him to be the clown - oblivous to it all. I'm enjoying it, but it would be fun if you would pick it up a little.
Enjoyed the first installment. Almost gave up waiting on this one –again, worth the wait. Looking forward to where you take this story. You certainly have a lot of possibilities. A cut above the usual. Thanks.
This was a very strong chapter. Looking forward to such worthy writing in the rest of this tale. 5*s.
of pimp whore stories or coercion, however romantic the interdependents feel about it. Thanks. 3*
... Can't wait for the next installment. Hopefully, we won't have to wait a week for Ch. 03.
Too long between chapters! Makes me keep checking for next one! Keep posting but quicker! :)
I am really enjoying this story and your writing style, which is just a bit different . Looking forward to the next chapters.
From the first chapter you have now put the ex wife into play - before she was more of a caricature. You have made the whore character multi-emotional, which is more interesting but it is not yet clear as to why the shifts in mood occur. You seem to have lost a bit of focus in the main character, since he is now second guessing himself even more.
Still a good start - but now the balls are going to be even harder to keep in the air. Some issues with spelling, also tattoos are not that easy to get rid of - a "kit" just ain't ever going to be available. But! I am willing to suspend disbelief for that.
Good luck, and I wait with anticipation for the next sections.
Green-something
I'm just glad I don 't have to pay to buy this book. Love it so far and am waiting!!!!
It's gotten more serious and heavier.... unlike the first chapter, which was irreverent & hilarious...
But, as another well-liked Lit author has noted, it's a captivating story in which we want to know more about each character.... from Cayden's strange families ... to the black families who worked for him, to the black family who saved him as a tiny baby dying from frostbitten when he dad put him in the dumping place... to his wife/former wife he's determined to punish him for having so heinously wronged her... to the whore who refused to find out about her own self....
Again, well told, odd, and original story....
How will the church thing and next few days go? Will she stay or leave? What about the ex-wife? Will there be a confrontation with Bernard? So many questions and so many ways this can go...
I love it, just keep writing and do not under any circumstances let the bad guys win. Your doing a great job building a story line. Cant wait to read the rest. Fell like I know these people and excited to find out whats going to happen.
I enjoyed this chapter much more than the first. I can't wait for the rest. A very engaging story. Five stars.
I have enjoyed it all and look forward to chapter 3. If I could give higher than 5 stars, I would have
I like stories of redemption... 5 ... Life is hope through faith, and its hard enough as it is to keep.
I'm still reading and still enjoying it. Please keep it going and let it develop. You're doing a great job.
What are the long term plans? Is he just a do-gooder reforming an old whore? Is she just biding her time so she can slit his throat and take off? Interesting ch. 2 but we don't have answers yet. I'll continue reading.
I didn't like the first chapter, but this is better. It is well edited, and the writing is both more engaging and makes better sense. On to chapter 3!
So good but a little formulactic and sugary but then I think it's that kind of a story.
the cure is ten times worse that the curse. TK U MLJ LV NV
the protagonist's actions and thoughts are somewhat less than believable and needs a bit extra suspension of disbelief.
I sometimes wonder if people think this is unbelievable, then why did the 'die hard' movies make so much money?
There must be a lot of very jaded people on this site. People seem to be offended if they feel you are too hard or too soft on the characters. I am just enjoying the story and trying to guess which way you will go with the character development. I am going to read all you have written on this site. You are a very good writer.F6E5
I am amazed at how many people forget that what we are reading for free is something that someone ( the author) has poured her heart into. I am enjoying it and am also intrigued by the subplots already established. KAK
Sorry about the “she” reference. I suspect this author (a he) has more compassion and sensitivity then the average male. Now on to chapter three.
Cayden shows us the difference between pity and compassion . Also, though Scots may be frugal they do care about people. I'll continue reading.
So far, I think I'm getting my money's worth. lol I will continue to read. Thanks for your time and imagination.
This is better than a lot of expensively edited commercial fiction...much better.
I didn't plan on getting so wrapped up in this story. I have other things I should be doing.
Fantastic story. There is something about severely helpless and abused women in fiction that really get to me. It engages that primal need to save them and really hits me in the gut. Normally I don’t have sympathy for women like Angie in these stories but this one is different because the husband is the one who ruined her. They have all been beaten down by life in general through a series of bad decisions and the abuse from others.
This story is on the Dreamcloud level of professional quality. It hits all of the right emotional triggers, the dialogue is excellent and the characters are believable.
This story is worth every cent I paid to read it. Plus a whole helluva lot more! Good tale, thanx Carv. LP
Tired “Pretty Woman” trope, with continuity errors on almost every page, sloppy and inattentive at best.
A little missive from carvohi.
Just above this little note you might find a comment by arsenelupin66. I'd like to respond to his very generous contribution to me and to Literotica.
I'm just an old guy who has nothing better to do with his spare time than make up stories and put them out on the Internet for free hoping they might be entertaining. I am not a scholar gifted in the English language. I, like most of the people here on Literotica, write on the cuff and from the heart. I'm not writing a thesis. I'm not looking for a Pulitzer Prize. I know I make mistakes. I just want to tell a story every now and then, and if I'm lucky, I might make someone feel a little better. I hope so.
I suppose those among us who really are near sighted need to buy some spectacles that will enable them to see a little further than their noses. Sorry, I had to add that quip.
carvohi Jedd Clampett
If anyone is delusional it’s her, Cayden is treating her with kid gloves. Caprice is running away from her dark past. Still a great story still 5 stars.
It's an interesting story, told by a gifted narrator. I find the amount of derogative comments on women disturbing, however. It's definitely more frequent than the story needs, as if it is something that gives you, the writer from heaven above, some kind of special satisfaction. Not sure what to think of it, but it does not make the story any better in my eyes..