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"Come on then, bae-by," he laughed, taking her hand. He felt a deep thrill as he saw a sparkle lighting up her eyes at the touch of his fingers.
- COMMENTS
NaokoSmithover 8 years agoAuthorSeriously, LOL. It's so cool it isn't even in the online dictionaries yet! It comes from 'bae-by', as in 'this thing is so cute it is like my baby'. On Ogg's advice I slipped in that bit where Carl's girlfriend says 'cool ... I mean bae' so people who haven't got the benefit of teenagers in the house would understand it.
Thank you for saying my story is 'well-written', the positive feedback is most welcome. I've worked very hard on my writing over the last few years and am so glad to hear that's paid off.
The first twist was that Mrs. Somers is in fact Dr. de Winter, and then that she is not interested in Carl's fit young bod, but prefers the rampant imagination of ... *gasp* her own husband! Maybe there is a slight twist at the end when we see that Carl actually has met someone he is seriously interested in. We can imagine him becoming a bit like Jeff Somers later in life - with his own beautiful wife who will be a real companion to him. It's likely that if you are a smart reader you will have picked up clues early on, so the twists might not take you by surprise. :)
Anonymousover 8 years agoWell written and great characterization. The ending is supposed to be a twist, right? If so, I don't get it.
Anonymousover 8 years agoThere are times when I need a really modern dictionary. . . .
This is one example.
But it's a nice story.
HP
NaokoSmithover 8 years agoAuthorAww, thanks for the great feedback, guys!
MST - you are right, that's something that Ogg mentioned to me. I tried to tidy it up but it still needs more work. I wanted to show that although a great body is fun, sex is about imagination. I let myself down on that by giving Jeff that upper body physical strength.
sheablueover 8 years agoI really enjoyed reading this. It left me wanting more of Jeff and Camille, in a good way. You accomplished much with a few, tight little descriptions. Yum.
