All Comments on 'The Device'

The story starts over after a few paragraphs on the second page.

Great pre-amble and execution..... SO many possibilities.... Chapter 2?

Gosh, the line... she would be naturally and efficiently "recycled," made me shiver. This story didn't go where I expected at all! Well done!

It's a good concept for a story, and I love the way you flipped the script and turned the presumed hero into the villian. So great story idea. The execution was just a little over done in my opinion. You put in a lot of effort telling the reader things, and then trying to convince the reader to believe what you just told them.

Adding some character dialouge or some narrative activity up front could have broken up that big block of exposition and been more engaging.

There is an adage in writing - "show them, don't tell them". I think your writing would be well served if you showed the reader more and told them less. There are lots of examples and tutorials out there on how to do that.

Why submit three chapters when you only have enough material for two? Why bother repeating the first chapter??

YOMEYO

The repetition was the result of a faulty upload by me. I'm sorry that my poor tech skills got in the way of the writing. It was a stupid mistake- neither my first nor my last nor my most spectacular. Stay tuned.

Amazing idea. Made me think of "The Insect Warriors" by Rex Dean Levie, a sci fi book that I read as a teen in the sixties, then ran into again a few years ago at a yard sale. I think there was another sci fi book I read back then as well about miniaturized people having to live and survive "in the wild".

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You could continue this with our villain making a whole terrarium of little folks, trying to survive in his menagerie. Add a few full sized insectivorous plants, plus spiders, miniaturized tigers (but miniaturized to be much bigger than his captive people?) etc, and he could have whole 'gladiator' games to watch. Or they could escape. Would they become pregnant and have miniature babies?

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Or he could do it in the open to volunteers who could then be sent on spy missions for various government alphabet agencies. Could be a whole series.

Does anyone remember the the TV show "The Land of the Giants," from back in the late 1960's? This tale gave off vibes from that show. YOMEYO