All Comments on 'The Dragon Ring Ch. 01'

..mazing imaginative creation .... thank you!

i would probably read it, if not for the old English. your audience is going to be really small.

Darnit... I see no Old English. what is that commenter talking about?

Even Middle English is Chaucer and it would look like a completely foreign language to your modern poophead who can't tell Old English from their arsehole...

Sigh. Well, I did like how toward the end of the chapter it is essentially a doctor's exam fantasy but in a non modern setting. Very recognizable. Good detail.

Your best yet. Ignore the ignorant moaner and keep writing, please. The language and style are perfectly suited to the story.

Loved this. Plenty of build up and development. Please keep writing.

The storyline is a pretty common frame, and I expect it to be predictable, but that doesn't mean it's bad.

I'd prefer to know more of the rules of his magic. I'm glad you gave limits to the size and number of objects he can create, but conjuring materials is pretty sketchy territory. I've read stories that do well with giving matter to thought, but they are very specific about the limits. It's not really fair if the hero can just conjure up water whenever he's thirsty.

I really don't blame the princess for complaining about not wanting to carry SEVERAL FULL, STONE FLAGONS. Talk about heavy! Also, I think you might have meant stoneWARE (ceramic) since that's significantly easier to shape into a jug than rock is.

While that's all technical stuff that could use some work, the thing that might stop me from reading is if I never get into the characters heads. Some expressive dialogue, or some more direct descriptions of the fear, frustration, and fatigue they are surely experiencing would make the story that much more engaging.

Look forward to reading the other chapters!

Chapter after chapter of repetition and all for nothing. What crap.

Oh and if a story needs a list of terms stated and then explained in a list, then it’s a terribly written and expressed story. Also what good is that list of facts at the story end after seven chapters.

I just have to laugh, not at you though, you tried your best.

I recommend writing a story plan/outline and then fleshing it out into a complete story.