All Comments on 'The Elite Broker Ch. 04'

I can accept sex slaves and women abducted but to function in a working capacity as well?? Why wouldn't they run ? What is Suzannas agenda ? Would love a slightly longer chapter next time .

Please be careful of your content too ....six mistakes in this small segment alone

"She could feel his desire burning through her, felt him move to kiss her, but she couldn't all it right now. Couldn't trust. He had to explain, in detail, what was going on. Planting her hand firmly on his chest she told him, "We need to talk Mr. Adams."

The spell broken, he sat up, surveying the damage in the room. "Yes Adriana, we 'do' need to talk." Standing up, he turned offered his hand, pulling her to her fee. His humor was gone. His voice took on the unyielding tone she remembered from the interview. She shivered under his intent gaze. "You need a show," he said further,"

Would hate to see it ruined with silly mistakes .

Adriana is being held against her will. What is to prevent from running or calling the police? It only take one phone call to bring Mr. Adams' sleepy organization down.

I meant sleepy not sleepy and Adriana would call the police or run away once she is in the office.

Have to agree that a longer chapter with more explanation would have been desirable.

Nonetheless an intriguing story that has caught my imagination.

Please sort the spell check though.

Unsure how this is going but I am unsure the company would be fiscally sound if it was as I think.

I remember a BBC report that in China the ‘top’ women were not marrying and settling down. This causes the powers that be some concerns they want the best women to reproduce with the best males and this doesn’t seem to be happening as the women are left on the shelf.

I wonder if Elite is something like this – be the best but also settle down with a spouse who is confident that you will satisfy them sexually. I say this because I am sure that having a large proportion of the workforce highly trained in sex, which would be expensive while running a business would be inefficient. Only a few people i.e sales would need such specialisation to entice new business. I think Elite services would be more of a matchmaking service than a straight prostitute service unless they where an agency providing hookers on demand as holding them all in house seems infeasbale.

This rich mans call girl critique is not new as the plot is similar to toomichinmyhead’s fourteen day program – why would rich men pay a fortune just to screw women who have mental conditioning. Never mind that people that powerful would be egotistical and would ruin everything eventually because of said egos!

If Elite was also a R&D program utilising unethical sexual practices to develop new mental/ pharmacological products and procedures that would also make sense from a fiscal standpoint. If they were used as honeypots to further a few peoples goals i.e insider training, assassination, would also justify their development.

The description given for elite is at the moment open to interpretation. The following chapter will establish the credibility of the story. While this is mainly about one girl and a guy – the purpose of elite is a cornerstone of the story and must be rock solid. I’ll be hanging on for the next chapter but it needs to deliver a plausible answer while focusing on our main characters because the answer given at present does not seem plausible and is kinda hard to understand.

After all this – more information is needed about the purpose and operations of Elite as at the moment I am just chasing my tail.

Kind of fucking stupid. Nobody respects a pimp, no matter how Elite they are, because every thing they offer can be replaced more cheaply and more effectively. Only a complete dumbfuck, not the creme de la creme of elite business would compromise his/her business by using a trained whore doubling as a legitimate skilled employee. It leaves everything open to blackmail and utter destruction just at the hint of a lawsuit for sexual harassment. Hell, the second one of them did a little checking into this "pimp" they'd find out the stupid fucker just put them on the hook for aiding and abetting mass rape.

Hopefully Adrianna turns out to be smarter than the usual dishrag non-con heroine. This plot needs to be thoroughly dismantled with a couple blazing guns and a federal raid, and perhaps a backstreet execution by the thugs of a *really* elite businessman. This man isn't qualified to hang. Lovesick over a woman he is mentally sodomizing. Jesus christ.

I'm along for the ride. Sometimes I enjoy picking at a story, but this one I'm just enjoying. :) I think many folks are loosing sight of the epic fail of the agency's usual procedures which appear to create some kind of altered awareness. The other recruits didn't know all of this was happening... . Looking forward to a more in depth explanation of how that and the agency placements work. And wondering will this be 'she finds her place' or does 'beauty tame the beast?'

I like that he loves her and she is different. I can't wait to see what happens next. She does seem submissive but withna backbone of steel. This company though is a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen.

I really like the twist on the captured slave plot. Very interested to see how you work this out! Very brave of you.

Usually I ignore other comments, so I guess my period is due cause "anonymous" below is just a stupid shit to be reading Non Consent and expecting whoever is perpetrating said Non Consent acts to NOT also be taking a HUGE legal risk. Anytime you commit a crime, and sexual non consent would indeed be a crime in all states, except maybe Utah, Iowa, North Carolina, you take a risk of getting caught.

But thanks for pointing out the obvious idiot!

I will just put out there that there are REAL companies in the world that do things similar to this. The process for selecting the women is probably very different, but for the right money I am sure that people would look the other way.

The reviews for chapter 4, have been the toughest that you folks have posted thus far.

The biggest things I want all of you to keep in mind as you read and/or continue to read my work are simply as follows: 1). I am new to writing and may or may not get everything 'perfect' 2). This is a 'fictional' story in which ANYTHING can and could happen. 3). The more FOUL and ABUSIVE you get toward me or my story..., the less likely I am to read your review, ignoring you and your nastiness altogether. (Criticism is one thing, but I have never nor WILL I ever bow down to BULLY'S comments or vulgarity)

And last but certainly not least... Until I see stories and poems under your profile tabs, (which MOST of you DO NOT HAVE... YES, I have pulled up every one of your profiles!) please don't assume to place yourself in a higher position than myself. At least I have the guts to write, throwing my work out there for your entertainment while still attempting to get better at it, without tearing someone else apart to make myself feel better.

Until chapter 5, I wish you all a good evening and an equally good weekend.

magee113

Many thanks to all you that have followed the story since the first word of chapter 1 and to those of you that have marked my story line or me as an author in your 'favorites'.

It is all of you that make it fun to write and work harder for.

magee113

Check every day for more and I'm sad ....please hurry and post chapter 5 .

I normally don't comment on stories because most of them I just glance through or stop reading after a couple of paragraphs, but now I wanted to leave a few words. :-)

I really enjoy reading The Elite Broker! Even if sometimes there are a few spelling mistakes, it's not bothering me and I think that if those are the only negative things some people can point out in your writing - then you're doing a great job with your first story. And hopefully you can ignore the rude comments. Like you said, criticism is one thing, but those who are just acting in a not so friendly manner... They're not worth your energy. Keep going! :-)

If this is another unfinished story I'm going to swear ...loudly

I am excited for Chapter 5 to see how Adriana reacts. It is clear that Mr. Adams feels something for her and wants this to work.

Please update soon. I hope this isn't the end. I would like to read more of this story.

Great start that begs for more. Please

Could you please, please, please write more to this story. Thanks.

Where is the rest of a the story?

So much for “the rest of the story”. Wish there was a way to mark stories as incomplete soothers don’t get sucked in never to be satisfied.