by Nils Huim
Aside from the explosive dynamics of bisexual threesome, the way you go into detail about your characters' looks and mindset is incredible. The action brings them to life so vividly.
I'm all for time jumps, but this story skipped around too much and was confusing. Definitely seemed like it detracted from the main content.
The situation your story depicts is quite original; the dialogue wildly so -- and highly amusing. Thanks!
I agree with the commentator who was confused by all the time shifts. I was, too. Otherwise, clever and well told. Odd people. You render them well.
the switching back and forth from past to present is aggravation,....tell the story, and dispose of the feigned 'artsy' bullshit