All Comments on 'The Exception Pt. 00: Prologue'

Had a bit of a problem following it in the beginning, but it was only 5:00 AM. Found it pleasantly intriguing. Looking forward to more chapters. Hopefully sooner, rather than later.

Not sure about this one. The general storyline is fine but the delivery is a bit all over the place, especially the way it describes Connors actions as him or suddenly like a completely different person viewed from afar.

The quotes for either speech or thought did little to make the story flow since to much attention had to be paid to the type.

This actually held my attention the whole way through. It's not entirely predictable either.

I just have to ask. Where's the pilot in all this? And is Luka the same girl that walked past him at the start of the chapter? If so that means she's friends with the gamblers he served correct? Just curious.

It was an interesting read though. Connor seems like a likable victim and I'm rather curious to see what happens next. But the description may be a bit misleading. I was expecting some plane drama or dog fights for that matter.

@Anonymous: Yep, That's the same Luka.

And 'pilot' is a term given to the initial release of a title (normally given to the first episode in a TV series for example). It's really just meant to gauge how the public reacts to it. It lets the producer know if a continuation is worth their time basically.

I think I sort of like it, but...

Someone needs to give it a bit more polish. There are a lot of stupid spelling mistakes which break the narrative at the wrong time.

The biggest question, though, has to be: how the hell he could manage to turn a theoretical project into an application for a two million dollar loan? Surely he wouldn't SIGN his research paper or thesis (or whatever you would call it) in such a way that it could be taken as something else? He's obviously a very bright young man, so this sort of "mistake" seems a bit hard to believe. And surely Amalgam would have at least tried to contact him when they realised that he wasn't making any payments - not leave it until the whole term of the loan had expired.

Duly noted. To be fair, my editor actually pointed that out earlier. The whole chapter is still in the process of being rewritten as it is. Although I'm not sure it'll come out much better. Perhaps it's just my limitation as a writer. This is how most stuff I type down ends up : / . At the very least, I can make sure I have the correct concept down before I get started on the next installment. Thanks for the feedback.

I began reading this while spinning on my exercise bicycle, and I was somewhat confused about what was going on. I'm not sure what to suggest, but the story is confusing. The plot seems okay (plot not pilot) but even that is questionable because I don't know what is going on. Remember, you readers do not know the story, that is your job, to carefully tell it to them.

Good story even though it is a bit confusing at times. My biggest question is one that has not been asked by anyone else yet, where is the two million dollars? Seriously, if the ex girlfriend has it then obviously she is guilty of a major crime and fraud would be easily proved. No one gets a two million dollar loan without getting the money. I suspect that the company would also come under investigation because the money trail would not lead to the person who supposedly took out the loan.

Of course that leaves the question of what happened to the ex girlfriend. Did she simply get asked to leave, or did she suddenly find herself getting an up close and personal view of the bottom of the nearest large body of water thanks to the heavy weights attached to her ankles?

Hopefully these questions will be answered in future installments of the story. Luka has her own set of questions that surround her of course. Connor also has multiple unanswered questions about himself that need to be explored and answered as well.

I'm looking forward to the rest of the story to see how the author handles resolving all the problems and questions that this pilot has raised.

I found the whole thing disjointed.

Like a dream sequence

or a light hallucination,

nerver knowing where it was going.

"couldn't believe how taught" ... "couldn't believe how taut"

Great story. Has mileage in it, if you can keep this up. But Connor has to take care not to do to Luka what Ivy has done to him...

You can read the ingredients for a cake. You can get and mix all the ingredients together in a baking container, and put it in the oven at the time and temperature instructed. But if you don't do it just right, you don't get much of a cake, if you get anything at all palatable.

Your ingredients are good, but your technique and execution are lacking. Asking us to swallow the 2 million dollar loan setup is like asking us to imagine it really is a cake, regardless of what it looks and tastes like. You ask too much. The plot devices are lame, the characters simultaneously pathetic and annoying, and the story has no direction. It just seems to be meandering across the page, like Connor meandering through his life, timid, uncertain, directionless, and bubbling over with self-pity and fathomless behavior. What the fuck is going on here? You would think after seven pages I might know something about your characters, where they are from, where they are going, and why should I care.

Obscurity does not equal suspense. Obnoxious behavior is not dramatic nor interesting. I will withhold my vote until I see how this first part contributes to the whole, and have some idea of just what you are cooking up here. It ain't a cake, yet.

I have to say, going through some of these comments has me a little annoyed. I've read so many mediocre stories on this sight with hardly a plot, no attempt at character development and no direction at all get all time high reviews.

And yet the story that actually bothers with all these things gets shot at left and right. What exactly are you expecting when you come to this site? A Forbes recommended reading list? It's lit for fucks sake. You want A+ material then go to amazon and buy it.

As for the author, if the ratings are of any indication, I'd like to think a shit load more people would like to know what happens next than the lot with no sense of appreciation.

It's clear you put in the effort. The story doesn't hold anyone's hand but that's not a bad thing in my books. I do see a couple of anomalies in the storyline myself. Especially regarding the money but I'm just going to wait till the next installment to see how they're explained.

Overall I like it. Looking forward to chap. 2. Please don't be one of those that start but never finish.

Good story. Has legs. Missing a few connective words here and there but never so bad as to lose the thread. I'll enjoy seeing where you take us. Thanks,

Why? Because the story is confusing, the main characters aren't really likeable, nor do they have any personality quirks that make the reader want to follow what happens to them. Can't understand how Ivy got a loan for Connor without him knowing about it - and assuming she took the money, shouldn't the police be after her for fraud? Don't know why the loan was "cleared" as long as Connor spends time with Luka. Who is she, and what is her relation to Amalgam? Yes, it's a potentially interesting plot, and I am somewhat curious about it, but find it hard to want to continue reading when I don't care about what happens to any of the characters. They don't have to be likeable, but they do need to be interesting.

Can see where some don't like it or get confused.

Most people think too linear.

Can't feel the shifts as well as others who have a more artistic mindset.

Me? Dumb as a box of rocks, but still...

Think it has great possibilities.

Looking forward to seeing where you take us

Then decided to read the prequel. I have to say that the whole premise of the story is just a little too unbelievable. Surely the corporation would have done its due dilligance and research. Particularly with regard to the target of the scheme ( Connor ), and realized that he had a lot of lawyers within the family... Perticularly well connected ones. They had to know that the scheme was not a good idea. As for Ivy, fraud is still fraud. If he never signed the documents, and his signature is a forgery (modern science can do wonderful things!) then he is neither liable or responsible for the dept.

In short; the entire premiss of the story is shaky and poorly executed.

You're actually asking the right questions.

Would you believe me if I said that break in the storyboard was actually intentional? There's a plot I wanted - and still - intend to integrate there (regarding the fraud and why Connor specifically).

Without revealing any spoilers, that's where Holland and Emma come in. I figured that this might get too predictable if it only revolved around the protagonist so I threw in that wild card. You know, to allow the reader a little insight on what's going on with the people pulling the strings.

With a few more clues, it should allow for the audience to do a bit of detective work of their own and figure it out. But like you said, it all boils down to execution. If you can't relate then maybe I did go about it the wrong way. I do apologise if that's the case.

Yes, I would believe you. It's not like you can't write. It's just that the premise of the story (the way it is written now) is just a little too far fetched. I don't disagree with you, about the whole thing being intentional. It has to be..... Also let me make one thing absolutely clear: It's your story. YOU tell it, you tell it the way the story needs to be told. It's just that as a reader, and a voracious one, this is just a little too unbelievable to snare the reader into that area of 'suspension of disbelief'. Sure, they may have done the corporation may have done the right things with regard to Connor, and they may realize that he has some heavy contacts. What it really boils down to, is that there is a certain predictability in the premise behind it all.

I don't dislike the story, in fact I kinda like where it is going.....I also believe I can see where it is going to end up. But in the interest of accuracy.... Learn something about Japanese naming conventions, and also about the lack of 'L' sounds in the language.

... is the WORST trope to use for arousal. It is the dumbest trope to use because it NEVER happens to anyone in real life. Only Asian anime.