All Comments on 'The Exiled One Ch. 01'

Very interesting take on the subject. I'm curious to see where you take it.

You may want to proof read the next chapter(s) an additional time to clear up some of the things like "He looking horrified as I related the story". It will help it flow a little better.

Keep up the good work.

Don't you hate when people make comments who haven't read the tale?

Decent start. I know we have a long way to go. Please continue.

What will happen in part 2?

Will Jason return with Greg?

Will Jason forgive Jennifer?

Does Jason have a new lover?

What is this, a soap? Who cares? Bitch should have just thrown herself off a bridge, then we wouldn't have to read about another cheating cunt living the good life off another undeserving man. Because she's going to get a brand-new life with a new, rich sucker. Blech!

Shut the fuck up. Shut it. First get a gut to write a story, I don't care whether its a pure crap. Then comment on it. If you don't want to read? Then go the fuck away. Actually who cares whether you read or not. Right?????

Interesting start. Thanks for the offering.

do you read comments if it is going to bother you, get a fucking life you idiot.

I'll see another chapter thank you.

Why is there so many Anonymous morons on this site ?????

Interesting start.

I'm guessing Jason is undecided on wanting Jennifer back since there wasn't a divorce. He need to file or take her back and not leave her in limbo. She need to suffer for her stupidity but they also need to move on if there is no chance at getting back together.

Can't do it !! This is a segment of a story.

Even in a multi- chapter story, each one needs sometype of ; introduction ,conflict,

and a resolution . Here it's all introduction.

I enjoy what you wrote before so I look forward to more.

AMerryMan

Looking forward to what develops from this brief intro. Just enough here to see that this could develop into a good story.

Jennifer is clearly not a serial cheater or a slut. Her continued anguish indicates this. There's a strong possibility that she has a sexual harassment case against her former employer, she's just to distraught to realize it at this point. It will be interesting to see what the private investigator and attorney dig up. She's already gone through enough pain to learn from the mistake. She was immediately revolted by her mistake, and has suffered since then.

I don't understand you. You say you have several stories already written but you take a month between part 1 and part 2 in your first story. How long will it be before you add to this story?

Based upon the ratings I've received from part 1, I realize I should have waited and submitted the story as one piece. I was anxious to get things going and thought that I could generate some interest for part 2. Part 2 is about 85% done. Please cut me some slack, I do have a very full life outside of this hobby.

one must expect musty odors and reasons. TK U MLJ LV NV

I like it so far. Keep up the good work. *****

keep going..

The narrative and especially the one at the end of this just turns me off. This would be a 4 or 5 star story except for that.

I hope part two is a little more sane.

-Pultoy

Congrats. A tease of a start. Four out of five. I'm hooked. I look forward to Chapter 2. Cheers. Steve

Parks in someone else's garage when visiting and certainly not if they re representing the ex.

Obviously you didn't read my story very carefully. Greg DID NOT park in the garage.

From the story:

There was a small, separate parking area on the left side. Sure enough, parked in this left-side area was a 2010 Ford Mustang with plate X45967. Bingo! His car was there! So I pulled in next to it.

Good grief! It really sucks to get criticized on details NOT in the story. Unfortunately, it happens a lot. deadrabbits.

This was simply a complete and utter failure. Never post again.

You say one of the worst ever, but thousands of voters and dozens of critics state otherwise. If it was intended to discourage me from future writing, then you've simply wasted time as I fully intend to submit more stories. In fact, your comment just might be the catalyst I've needed to finish and post some of the numerous stories I've started. Do us both a favor and just don't read any of my future submissions.

deadrabbits

Interesting concept, waiting to see where it goes. Another foolish woman who could easily have stopped Ed in his tracks but didn't. Can't blame the husband.

A little difficult to read, but I see where it's going and.I'll read part two.

No wonder you got that many downvotes, without Ch 02 avaiable and 4 weeks between chapters^^

Your choosen style is quit unorthodox and I guess if the story would have been longer quit taxing (attention wise).

But for a first story not bad

Jesus christ

Good introductory chapter - set up the characters well. Interested in seeing next chapter

Going nowhere in a big hurry

Story line is interesting, but I get anyone being put off by the style of writing. No way to establish a connection to the story...