All Comments on 'The Faceless Executioner'

I'm not gay nor bi but I was really impressed with the story, its eroticism and the 'grimdark' tone that made it deliciously deadly. Reminds me of 'a land fit for heroes' series. I never really invested with reading the author's scifi vr series, i'll read it next.

I didn't enjoy this as much as I wanted to, eventhough I really like the idea of a queer male assassin who uses his sexuality in his work. And the story is well written, language wise.

I just couldn't get myself to root for the protagonist. Partly, because he's a slaver; and partly, because he's just too much of an enigma to me. After reading the story, I still don't know what drives this man. I feel like the story gives me glimpses here and there, but those glimpses don't really add up to a coherent whole.

I also thought the dramatic structure of the text (rising action, climax, etc) wasn't satisfying. The story was more like a series of events.

Sorry for the negative review. But since you're obviously a confident writer (judging by your use of language and amount of submissions) I thought maybe a negative critique would still be useful to you. Peace!

First, thanks for the honest critique. I was wondering why this story got that many low scores compared to my others and you give sound reasons for it.

I'm a bit confused though - where in the story is he a slaver? Even while working with Tsabrak, he's a hit man first and foremost. The second Tsabrak is dead, he hands off the whole operation to Nazha..

Gabreth has no ulterior motive (yet). He's a very old elf caught in a rut. He has always been a killer, he's very good at it and I wanted to establish him as part of my setting before shaking things up in the next story featuring him and the young Guardsman Thaion (from "Leo and the Dragon" and "Temptation of Gheeran".)

re slavery: at one point, Tsabrak sais: "I have decided to place a spy in his bedroom, find out where the slaves go he's not selling to us." The use of "us" made me think that Tsabrak and Gabreth were both directly involved in slavery.

Even without that one sentence, Gabreth is in my eyes as bad as a slaver, by allowing slave trade in the city he basically rules.

Most "good" civilizations in my setting have moved away from overt slavery, that's why the criminals have a lucrative hold on that. There's of course forced labour as punishment and all the intricacies of thralldom. This is no enlightened post-slavery society here and those in power have no qualms about abusing those below their station (just think about how the Elmholds treat their personnel).

Tsabrak, as a dark elf, comes from a society which lives off the back of their slaves, for him, it's business as usual to have them. Thus his casual remarks in regards to "virgin elven ass", not even acknowledging them as people.

And yes, Gabreth doesn't care either way. If I had to slap a Dungeons&Dragons alignment on him, it would be "Lawful Evil". He has a code of rules he operates in, but he does detestable things.

you have the potential for something great here, but you really need to work on the scene transition and time skips.

You start off with an execution that doesn't really seem to connect to anything, and doesn't really give us much information of who's being executed and why. skip several years ahead to some kind of uprising with out giving us any detail on what the peasants are pissed off about. Then there's about three more time skips before we get to anything good, at which point the stories over.

The whole thing tends to get vary jarring, and makes it hard to get wrapped up in the narrative. We get a basic feel for the characters, but never really spend enough time with them to get very attached. Although if you decided to make it longer and rewrite it as a series you might have be onto something.

I understand your frustration at the brisk pace... to an extent. Maybe I should have elaborated more, which could have turned off returning readers though, because many of my fantasy stories have the elf/dark elf topic explained at great length. If you reread the first two scenes you will notice that the execution was unjust in the eyes of the public (killing an elf for marrying a renegade) and the Speaker's reason for going ahead with it anyway.

I'm curious which part the good one was that ended too quickly for you. Let me know, so I can expand on it.

Your critique is appreciated. Thanks!

The part about the main character and the drow becoming friends, and building their empire, as well as him avenging his friends death.

That said I've actually enjoyed most of your other stories. With ghost in the machine earning a place on my list of favorite literotica reads.

Thanks for the reply. I'm taking notes for a possible revision, either as a complete rewrite or interwoven with the next story I have planned for him and Thaion, the young Watchman who showed up in "Leo..." and "Gheeran". The last assassination Gabreth performed will have far-reaching repercussions.

This was a nice, enjoyable story to read🌹Kant👠👠👠