All Comments on 'The Fate of Terra Ch. 04'

There is hardly any character develipment and the way you potray him is as if he is a god. You need to or at least make it so he dosnt get everying right or the perfect on the first time.

I thought this was going to be a story about A.I. Instead it seems more about Michael and what he and Kat are doing sexually. Now I know this is an "erotic" site and if this story had been in erotic coupling or even group sex that would seem to fit but you chose to put this story under the Sci-Fi category and I guess I'm wait for the Sci-Fi to start. That and Michael could be said to be genius but even Einstein had to be remind to put on his pants every once in a while..........I'll be watching for chapter 5 to see what happens next

For a while you've been in danger of ruining a good thing. And I think, with the beginning of an army of AIs, the fact that Pandora is apparently more capable of analyzing space than the rest of civilization combined, kat's pitiful subservience and obsession since day one, Michael's apparent omnipotence and now even the discussion of immortality, and the total lack of character development or conflict....I'm bored.

This is the first time the conflict has even been mentioned, that I can recall. And it wasn't foreshadowing, it was being beaten over the head. Pandora may as well have said "aliens are real and hostile and in the next couple chapters they will attack and its up to you to stop them. " and somehow all i can think is that that sounds like too much effort to read and I should quit now. I honestly don't care if earth gets destroyed, no one living there matters to me in this story.

People have been warning you that you were going down the wrong road for several chapters, you should have listened. No one wants to read about a perfect, shallow person and his obsessive, personality-free love-slave.

maybe you could find it in yourselves to be sufficiently charitable to allow him to prove himself rather than being quicker to annonounce doom than you claim him to have been in his novel here :)

Lynn

Regarding new character Brenda, "a regular @ one of the S&M clubs", she passes out from some spanking & fucking? Really? (Yawn) That barely breaks the theshold of a regular Saturday night in some households. Must be the West coast version, your Pale Ale to my Sam Adams. She has not much more experience than your protagonist if that is all it takes. Yes, it is fiction, but it has to be believable. To make someone actually pass out takes much more than what was described; any good sub would just be begging for more.

Still not buying an AI that can fit on a flash drive, do everything described, & have been written by a high school kid.

An nobody wants to listen to an obsessive, criticizing jerkass when they're writing because they want to write; not to please other people, but because they enjoy it.

If you don't like it, bugger off.

I don't like your sex scenes. I'm not saying they're bad but they really just don't get me going. Still, the story itself is a-lot of fun and I've read through a couple times.

In my opinion, the reason the sex scenes aren't really stimulating is that they tend to be rushed, especially the scene with Brenda. I have no experience with M/s but the better stories I have read so far in this area show some insight in the reactions and expectations of the submissive. Also the responsibility for the submissive is prominent in most stories. I get the feeling you should research more.

Ya'll need to stop beating up the poor man all his stories are good. If you can't do better then him then shut up.

As noted by better writers than me, there is no meat on the characters and this prevent s reader's involvement.

Despite good writing, it is time for me to move on.

1

Enjoyable and very imaginative.

gosh I hate these "anonymous" fuckers! make them go, please make them go *hands over ears*

what is the difference between an anonymous comment and a comment made by someone with an anonymous account? Just sayin'.

I do agree with the lack of substantive character development. The problem it creates is characters do things and you wonder where in the world did they get that knowledge from?

Overall, I don't have a problem with a teen developing an AI, or being a world class hacker, those are technical skills based on intellect. What DOES blow it for me on the suspension of disbelief scale, is the sexual maturity the two kids have. You don't get that from reading or watching porn. You get it from living and experiencing, something the two of them didn't do much of before they ventured into S/M; something I would say 99% of teenagers still virgin at 18 would be horrified at within months of losing their virginity. They are just not emotionally mature enough to understand it, or handle it.

Then for the 'greatly' experienced slave to also be a high schooler, (either she is, or she wouldn't be hanging out with students she had sex with), is just one too many, one too far.

Even for Kat to be so self-aware of her own submissive nature is unrealistic. She had never been in any form of relationship before this one; she wouldn't be able to identify 'submissive', let alone know she was one.

I jokingly brought up at the end of last chapter the error about 'KY Jelly in a bottle', but I now see I hadn't fully recognized what the author's lack of the personal knowledge about KY exemplified. It is obvious that is not all they don't understand, and it most likely can be explained by re-stating one piece of their Bio info: 18 to 22.

It's still an engaging story, one they deserve credit, and thanks, for writing. There is definitely talent here, it justs needs some experience and practice, kinda like the protagonist. An editor with a few wrinkles would help, as well!

GeoD

Love your creativity, but bondage and S&M are not my thing and turn me off. I doubt that it appeals to most people which automatically makes your stories unsuitable for the majority of people who discover them. Of course, I could be wrong, but why take this risk when your stories don't need this theme to succeed.

To Anonymous-12/19/15:

I think you're missing one very important detail in your analysis. The protagonist is a very obvious Mary Sue. It's not possible for him to be anything less than perfect at anything he tries. That's why he's so good at D&S (good is relative, I don't think the description is a very good example of the right way to do things).

This is a great story, I hope you have had it printed in a book form. As would buy it, I am old fashioned in liking actual books.

Interesting turn of events...

I'm trying not to be judgemental but people's personalities dont go from zero to 100 in a matter of days. Then within a year they are completely different people and it jumps to space theme ending.

I'll keep reading but it's unrealistic. And yes I know this is fiction but the reader has to believe in the world .