The Feminist I Should Be Pt. 03

Ade's hands clenched at my thighs. His eyes flashed open at me, his chest heaving. "Cum inside me, Ade," I said. My torso leaned down. I braced myself at his shoulders. My hips pumped slowly. I let him savor the feel of my pussy. "Oh god, Kailee," Ade moaned up at me. Jason's camera flashed again. I got more excited and picked up more speed. I whimpered with pleasure. My pussy clenched harder as his cock felt thicker. "Cum for me Ade," I said. His head fell back. He let out a gasp I felt him spend himself deep inside me. I took position of his shoulder, holding him to the ground while I continue to rock my pussy around his sensitive cock. He continued to whimper and cry out for me. Finally, my cunt sucked his cock deep, burst with juices, and the crash of my orgasm knocked me down onto Ade's chest. I lay there for but a moment before Ade's cock began to glide slowly back and forth inside me. "Oh fuck," he whispered into my ear. My ass cheeks were spread wide while he dug his fingers in. My pussy was so drenched, so flushed, so ready for relief, and Ade wasn't stopping. "Ade," I whispered, "I love fucking you..." His body surged upwards, as he flung my hips over and onto the floor. My arms flopped and flayed around me. I looked up at him, loving that wild, strong, and determined look on his face. Fuck, he rammed so deep inside me. The entire, lust-drunk pounds of his cock hit the very depths of my helpless pussy. "You're going to cum again," he said. I no breath left to speak. My torso twisted back. I reached out for his wrists, squeezed tight. The orgasm vibrated through out my body. I felt like a chaotic tossing in the air, with only Ade's body to anchor me the ground.

He pulled out and fell on me. We lay there, our bodies spent and recovering. When I opened my eyes I saw Jason's camera on the ground with a pair of discarded shorts on top of them. I heard the unmistakable sounds of feminine gagging. Danica's red waves shimmered up and down at Jason's crotch.

Chapter 10

Back in my sophomore year, when I was in those giant halls of Doctor Wikcer's human sexuality class, we had a guest speaker. She talked about sex radical feminism. It was the first time I'd heard that word. I liked that word a lot. I like it better than saying sex positive. Sex positive is all redundant. Sex radical is what it really was. The speaker said that lesbianism –and that's real lesbianism without shame or restraint or gay-for-pay porno girls- was the apex of a woman's release from patriarchy. I always remembered it, but I never really though about it until now.

So what the fuck did all of that on the other night mean? Arch-sister of the Zeta house Danica clearly didn't mind a woman getting her off. Now that doesn't mean that I do, or I mean it doesn't mean that I want a women to get me off. It doesn't make me bi. It probably means Danica is bi.

You know what I did like though? I liked that camera. That thing focus on the powerful, wicked, sexy curves of my body never made me feel sly, powerful, and liberated all at the same time. Iwantpeople to look at those pictures. Iwantto be that anonymous, sexual work of art. Then again, if you're performing primarily for men, where is the line between subversive, feminine sexuality and a blanket submission to masculine dominance?

None of that clamoring chorus seemed to bother Clara. Jason had given me a little portfolio of glossy, professionally printed, copies of my last little adventure. "A threesome!" she exclaimed. She held a picture of my chest, held prone and curve to the side. My neck arched back, barely exposed. "That's my Kailee, isn't it?" she said.

"Umm yeah, thanks Clara," I actually blushed.

"Damn!!" said Clara. Her eyes widened. She looked at a close-up of my fingers on top of Danica's clit. Her juices glistened white, "I think I want this one on our wall!"

"We're a girl's apartment," I said, "we really need more cock on the walls, don't you think?" Clara gave me a squirrely face.

"Yes," she said displaying two hands on Ade's shaft, "I do love these cock pictures too! Did Ade enjoy himself?"

My mind fluttered around. It found nothing but an empty spot. It took me a second to realize I really had no idea if he liked it.

"He um..." I said as blank and empty as milk carton, "he kinda rolled with it..."

"Rolled with it?" Clara said, "So he didn't float your ass in the air give you a good pistoning?"

"No! But... well maybe at the end..." I said, "It was kind of Danica's show, right?"

She did start with me though. She kept me masturbating on the car ride home. Why me? Why the camera?

"Clara is performing for men sex radical or is it just submission to patriarchy?"

"What?" Clara was completely stunned.

"I mean," I stammered. We both stared at an image of my legs squeezed around Ade's hips. My torso rotated. The slight downward angle gave a deeper illusion of length. There I was. It was me. All it needed to show was my face to be a complete whore. "What if I just do this to get guys off but don't get anything in return? What if this means that I'm submitting to stupid frat boy masturbation fantasies?"

"Hey!" said Clara, "I got three hundred dollars last night by giving frat boys something to jerk off to later!"

"No, no, no," I said my faced flushed with embarrassment, "you know that's not what I meant...I'm sorry."

"Well, come on Kailee," she said still chagrined, "what is wrong with putting a smile on a few faces? I mean look at these pics. Don't you like them?"

"It's... I don't know, Clara!" I said meekly, "I've been doing this, but what if it's about me starting to act like a whore?"

Clara sighed.

"Are you saying that Ade won't fuck you otherwise?" she said, "like he'llonlydo it for the pictures?"

"Oh hell no!" I exclaimed, "I brought him into this, not the other way around."

Clara nodded.

"Oh shit," I said. Relief melted over my body, "I'm the alpha slut in this relationship aren't I?"

Clara's eyebrows flashed in excitement. She made a squirrely face again. I dropped my ass down on the couch. It was the same one that we got Ade to fuck me on. Across from me was were Clara got herself off while watching. After that, it lead to victory sex and then open season fucking since. So... "I shouldn't think it's wrong," the stupid words flowed out of my fidgety worried little head, "So Ade? I mean, he's not getting used right?"

Clara snickered at me. She pet me gently at the shoulder. "Look at the photos sweetie." She held up one of Danica's abdomen and hips in a perfect v-shape down to her pussy. Shadows obscured Ade's face. My hands clung at her nipples stretching them out. It was good picture. "You and Ade were in a fucking threesome: A threesome withDanica. You bet he enjoyed that!"

"Yeah.." I said.

"And that bitch doesn't share, either," continued Clara, "I heard that some pledge slept with a guy she was dating? It was like a year ago. The girl got it worse than the boyfriend."

"Really?"

"Uh-huh, she didn't get just kicked out of the house. She had to transfer schools," Clara said, "I guess what I mean is that Danica must really like you. It is not like she ever gavemean invitation."

"Well ...um yeah... but couples consent...and you're not bi or.."

Clara raised her hand to shush me.

"It's not that, Kailee," she said, "Danica likes girls as much as she likes guys. But she hardlyeverlets people watch her get with a girl. She let you in on this, with acamera!"

"She doesn't tell people she likes girls?" I said. Why not, really? Nobody seemed to mind the cuddle bitches on the couch from that night way back when.

"Not really, I guess. I've wondered about it too," Clara said shrugging, "But really Ade liked it. He had to. You liked it too right?"

"Yeah," I said in admission, "I really like these pictures."

"Than that's it," said Clara, "It's sex-radical if you did it and you liked it. Stop worrying about Ade too. He's probably bragging about the whole thing to Johann right now."

"Johann? Why is he around Johann?" I regretted saying it immediately. I really need a gag in my mouth sometimes.

"What? He didn't tell you?" Clara gave me a suspicious look, "It's that Pacific Blue non-profit of his. Him and Johann drove up to Nor Cal to take a bunch of middle school kids snorkeling with cute little fishies."

I looked away from Clara. My insides deflated. What the fuck did Ade think he was doing? This isn't football at the beach. This isn't a casual lunch. This isn't being around Johann because he has to be. This is a bunch of sickening bromance with a cheating turd. The frustration registered on my face.

"Kailee," Clara said with a gentle, maternal, sigh, "You know if youwantedto go on a road trip with Ade, you could've thrown the guy a bone!"

Chapter 11

There was no chance of getting a hold of Ade. Not while he was away probably off driving, or maybe he's in a hotel room. No not yet. He wouldn't be a hotel room yet. He'd probably be out with Johann totally shirtless, buffed up with sun tan oil, peacocking out on the sand. He'd probably doing all that until they both found some dumb grungy granola bitches. Only then would they leave the beach. Maybe he's having some seedy Santa Cruz dormitory fucking with some patchouli stinking dread locked hippie Nor Cal skank.

All that didn't mean I didn't call him. I must have called him three or four times. It must have been nearly 2:00 the next day when I finally got a hold of him. My shift had just ended, and I hadn't even bothered to change.

"Ade!" I said. Maybe I cried it out. Maybe I looked really stupid pacing around the parking lot hunched over with a phone to my ear, "Ade why did you take so long to answer?"

There were a few palpitations of silence.

"Hi Kailee," he said with a flat, obnoxious tone. It came in chopped by an ocean breeze, "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing!"

"Kailee," he said, "you rang three times yesterday. Then you called again today."

"Yeah?" Like he didn't know why I was mad. "So? What are you doing out there?"

"Huh? Right now we're herding thirteen-year-olds onto a school bus. Maybe we'll see some otters."

"You and your new best friend right?"

"What?" Ade said. He wasn't dense. He knew. I told him. He was the only person I toldanythingto. Ade hollered something off to someone else. Then the ambient noise of the wind ceased, "You're upset that I'm here with Johann. He's our lifeguard."

"Fuck yes I'm upset!" My eyes teared up, "you're out playing role-model with Mr. cheater fuck-a-bitch!"

"Kailee, it's not that..." he sighed.

"Don't you even start! I trusted you! I didn't tellanybody!You've been acting like its nothing!" I cried tears dripping down my cheeks, "you expect me to think you give a shit about Clara?! Or me? You're a big whore!"

"Huh," said Ade in a low voice, "I guess you're right about one thing."

"The fuck does that mean?" I answered.

"Hold on a second," there was a pause. I could only hear Ade 's voice muffled by his hand over the phone, "Kailee it's not about not caring about you or Clara, okay? I am really confused about this whole thing. I don't know what make sense of any of this. What exactly am I supposed to believe?"

"I know what I saw Ade!" I cried.

"I know that Kailee," said Ade, "But maybe he's a bit more serious than you think?"

"Fucking other people doesn't make you serious!" I hissed.

"Unless it's on camera?"

"Hey! Fuck you!" I shouted.

I could actually feel Ade glare down on the phone.

"Okay...okay..." he said in a softer and restrained tone, "I'm sorry. I'm being a dick. But maybe you'll be a little reasonable?"

"Yeah to both things," I said. I heard a car horn.

"Kailee, I have to go, but listen for a second okay? Yesterday I didn't answer because Johann needed me to drive him up to San Francisco. He wanted to check out diamonds."

My hand covered my mouth in horror. It bit at me with wicked mocking pain. My face was red and there was no stopping my crying now.

"No, no, no." I sobbed.

"I was afraid to tell you. But you have to know," he said, "we gotta talk about this later, okay?"

"I have to go now." I hung up the phone. My head crashed into the palms of my hands. Raging tears burst forth from my face until I gulped it down enough to drive back home. There, I threw the pictures across the floor, locked myself in my room, and dug my vibrator out of my closet.