All Comments on 'The First SaR Mission Ch. 12'

To your next story.

This was an EXCELLENT series and I have given it 5*s for each chapter < which I don't do easily> you have earned the stars .

I think your wife did an outstanding job with the proofing and should also be given great kudos for her untiring work . Hey she put up with you and your newfound habit ! I also think your addition of the parts of partwolf 's story was well founded and I for one loved it <as I am a faithful reader of partwolfs stories also .

Suggestion is to read the rest of his stories for back round for helpful direction in your future work . There are some other Great werewolf series here on Lit also .

This series will make my favorites list also .

Thanks for the read

tx cracker

I hope you do other stories in this world you have created.

Just want to congratulate you on a well written story , especially for a first timer .As you pointed out it started a little ,dry , technical & wooden , but you seem to quickly get in the groove & did very well in fleshing out the characters & making the story flow more naturally . It was a very interesting study on what goes into SaR Mission & all the tiny mundane things that make it work . Looking forward to your next tale.

Outstanding story, a 5 star all the way. Hope you will continue writing !

Thank you for a great adventure. Please continue to share more.

It was very interesting to watch you develop as a writer and the humor was there from the start and not something you kicked in. Looking forward to more from you and hopefully more of your well contrived world.

THANKS

I gave you 5-STARS for every chapter. A very well written story with an excellent plot and exquisite character development. I hope you keep writing as you are an excellent writer. My 1st praise for this story is that you finished it. Over 85-90% of the stories on this site are unfinished which for readers is totally fustrating. Especialy stories where the writer writes 6-7 or more chapters and then just up and does not write anymore. I guess they enjoy throwing their readers under the bus. I hope you will continue to write and a sequel with Anna and Arron and the kids learning how to be wolves would be wonderful. Especialy Suzy and Bobby intergrating with the other were children and their learning more about there wolf. Again and very well written story and a very enjoyable reads. Retired Army NCO

I have followed the whole story and find it very well written, a great plot, drama, and humor. You say this is your first try, well you nailed it! An awesome read, thank you for your work in writing this story! Mike

I loved this story!! I don't care that it had little sex in it, it was worth the time to read it and the price if I were to buy it (and I would in a heartbeat!!). I loved most of this 'book' but the first couple of chapters had me skipping ahead because it was just too difficult for me to read. Your later chapters held me enthralled until the end! I can't wait for more to come out, but I also know that the writing process is not an easy one. Thank you for a wonderful 1st effort and Please Keep Writing!!!

I loved your story plot, the story world, the humor and the character development. I will, however, leave just a little critism that I hope assists you in future writing or that you will at least think about in future endeavors. I had no issue with the technical stuff that you wrote as I do believe it fell quite nicely into the story line, it could have been parsed down some but I got the idea you wanted your readers to know more rather than less so it was alright to read. What I did have a hard time with was the constant repeating of some items such as plans on the interview which was repeated at least 3 times almost word for word. Most readers would have understood the idea the first time and to reread it 2 more times was rather annoying to me because I wanted back to the storyline. That was just one example but there were more than just that one item repeated. That honestly is the only real criticism that I had about the work. It was much easier to read without the tags you had in the first postings as well so thanks for throwing those out as well. Otherwise awesome first attempt I have favorited you so I definitely hope to see more from you in the future! Sorry for any spelling errors writing this on a phone that only sees a portion of the screen, SilvertipMoon

Great Story! Started out pretty rough with the play script/fly on the wall style of writing (great style if you are reading Shakespeare ...not so great for a fantasy novel) and the over the top technical jargon (I pretty much got the gist of the first chapter...but it mainly, like an airplane, was over my head). However since you were willing to take everyone's criticisms and adapt your writing style to the majority of our reading styles? I commend you <3 Ive had authors on other sites (*cough* Wattpad *cough*) act like total juveniles when I merely pointed out that most readers have an imagination and do not need a full chapter of embedded "outfit" and "character" images ripped from the web. One even went as far as to block me for having an opinion that ran contrary to theirs?

So yes thank you for taking and using our criticism to edit your story from a rough "script" to a very welcome and interesting tale. I cannot wait to read more tales about Anna, Aaron, and their pups! Interestingly enough this is the first story I've read where the "curse" wasnt passed on by biting, licking, scratching, and/or sex. The only comparable story...is how Edward changed Bella in the Twilight Saga (and thats vampires xD)

This is what you wrote:

Berry and Bob leave and Jack, Mari, Aaron, Anna and the pups take the stage. Mari steps out in front while everyone else takes a seat at the table. Anna is sitting at the right end of the table and the two pups sit on the floor next to her.

This is what you should’ve written: (notice how I used both a CONTRACTION and the CORRECT tense!)

Berry and Bob left, whilst Jack, Mari, Aaron, Anna and the pups took the stage. Mari stepped out in front, while everyone else took a seat at the table. Anna was sitting at the right end of the table and the two pups sat on the floor next to her.

Throughout this tale you have consistently used incorrect tense (past/present/future), seemed allergic to the use of contractions and have repeated HUGE parts of the story 2, 3 and 4 times! The folks giving it 5 stars can’t be lovers of the written word. Otherwise, they’d have given you the tools to improve upon your work. Your imagination is astounding (to come up with this tale) and the story is very good. It just needs work in order to improve and perfect the finished product. Get a well read editor to go over this story with a fine tooth comb, cut down on a lot of the technical jargon (most wont understand or care and it just weighs a story down) and this story could EASILY make a bundle for you as an e-book!

Rereading this story just confirms my memory of how wonderful it is. Thanks again!

Just finished a reread ! IT'S STILL A GREAT READ !

I really enjoyed this story. I don't normally read werewolf stories but found this one hard to put down. The technical aspects did not bother me either.

I realize that this story has been out for a while but I never understood the reasoning behind transporting drinking water to the remote camp. At 8.3 Lbs per gallon that was an awful lot of unnecessary weight to transport. After all the plane did land in a stream and all the packs had water purification Included. Just saying.

Steve

A long time lurker.

Firstly, what a great story, the writing style changed and evolved and works really well for me, that said, my “go button” isn’t misplaced commas etc, it’s nearly always poor spelling, capitalisation etc, so for me the way the latter half of this story works well!

The way in which it was ended does irk me though, the demeaning Oval Office scene is not in keeping with the rest of the story and what it actually needed was 1, a dialog re expectant life lengths and political ramifications etc, not unlike the ending of “Dominant Species” story by Partwolf, and 2, a proper Epilogue one year on showing us the way in which they’ve changed and developed as both Humans and Wolves and whether they pass the testing required at the end of their “probationary period”.

Many thanks to PerryNormal for writing, editing on the fly and then publishing a pretty significant piece of work here on Lit, it takes a lot of courage and commitment to put your own work up for judgement and then to change that work at the behest of anonymous strangers, you did a fine job and I enjoyed it immensely, well done and thank you. Regards Ppfzz.

This was a great read I hope you keep it up