All Comments on 'The Fragile Abandoned Ch. 01'

This is one hell of a story friend. Keep up the good work and you'll go far.

Your writing is clear and precise, and it moves along at a nice pace. You handled the two points of view very well. And this story really is just very good.

Excellent beginning, given the Hollywood circumstances! Needy sister tries to seduce loving brother, and he resists because it's "wrong". But we all know where the affair is headed, just not how it's going to get there, and that is where a lovely series of mini-stories can develop. Keep it going!!!

Please keep going! This is a great start!!!!

not a bad start, I'd like to read more.

Keep the story going. It's very well written for a first up. Spelling, grammar and storyline all the the tick of approval.

Just came across this, but I'll definitely be reading more.

If the girl loves Andy already, was it really necessary to make his character hung like a horse? It just seems cheap and unnecessary. Made me roll my eyes and totally broke through the suspension of disbelief.

I really hate the phrase, "then and there". It's probably just me, but it sounds tacky and redundant. If you are going to do something "right then", then if follows that you will be doing it "there". It isn't just you, many writers use it as a throw away phrase.

Brother is piece of SHIT! This girl lost everything in a day. He just has to go to his movie bullshit. I guess that what a lot of actors are though. All about themselves. Just a day or two I could see but a week is a sign of a douche. He could have at least tried to bring her. Hope she turns on him and he loses his career during this week.

Love it so far!!! Can't wait to see the end!!!

It was a decent beginning. But you lost points for where you chose to end this chapter. You may feel like Andy flying out was a good breaking point, but it left me feeling every bit as abandoned as poor little Natalie. 😢

I'm voting 3/5 this time around.

Warning - as of December, 2023 this story is abandoned and unfinished. There is no ending or resolution.