The Fundamentals of Friendship Pt. 02

"Yes! In fact, I met Riley at Stanford!"

My voice came out dry, without that false amity I had been using so far. "Oh, right. Stanford." I tried not to let on that was a novelty to me. I was pretty sure I didn't succeed.

Seemingly oblivious to the distaste in my voice, Suzanne continued to smile her perfect smile at Rocco. Between the two of them it was hard to decide who showed more teeth. Just then, Riley finished saying his hellos to my sister and brother in law and came our way.

"Riley." Suzanne's excited voice collided with my unpleased one. She broke into laughter. The woman could star in a toothpaste advertisement.

Riley stopped, looking from Suzanne to my scowling self, as though trying to decide which one of us to chose. Of course he went to her, and wrapped his arm around her waist the way you return something to where it belongs. Another fake smile moved my mouth.

"Ry, this is Rocco." I said, gesturing to Rocco. Then, pointing to Riley, "Rocco, this is my best friend, Riley."

They both smiled, said their respectives "Nice to meet you" and "Heard a lot about you" until they ran out of pleasantries to say to each other. Suddenly, we were four people feeling like children in their first day at a new school. Me under Rocco's arms, Suzanne around Riley's and silence between us.

"So, Riley," Rocco began, breaking the ice. "I hear you're a writer."

"Yes, I am." Riley answered politely. "And Ells says you own a wine company."

"Ells?" Rocco smiled down at me, lifting a quizzical eyebrow. I simply forced my facial muscles to pull the corners of my mouth up.

"I do, yes." He said, looking back at Riley.

"Ells loves wine." Said Riley.

"Yes, she does." Said Rocco.

Awkward silence again.

I would have given a kidney to disappear in a puff of smoke. I chanced a glance at my sister and, as I expected, found her studying the scene with acute attention. She held up a thumb and I could see her lips forming the phrase "Everything ok?" to which I just shook my head infinitesimally "Not ok."

"Would you like a drink, Riley?" Rocco offered, startling all four of us. The sound of his voice felt strange interfering with the silence standing as a fifth presence in our midst.

Riley didn't drink much. That didn't stop him saying, "Yes, I would."

He was being weird. He felt kind of weird. Uncomfortable, rigid. Standing there as though he had a stick up his neglectful ass. And accepting a drink from Rocco? He rarely drank.

"Would you like something?" Riley asked Suzanne, almost whispering into her ear. As if I was watching everything through a magnifying glass and in slow motion, I saw his bottom lip brush her ear lobe and the shiver the contact caused in her. The gesture was so intimate I winced internally.

What's wrong with you, Laura? Why do you care if his lips touch her ear? They clearly have been everywhere else in her body.

"No, thank you" She smiled at him.

I only shook my head when Rocco asked me whether I wanted something. Then he and Riley were gone towards the bar, leaving me alone with Pretty Suzanne. We stood there hyper aware of each other. Me, feeling as comfortable as a fish in the sand, and she, just smiling radiantly as if she were having the best time of her life.

Does she ever stop smiling?

"So," Suzanne started, because I couldn't think of a thing to say to her. "You're Lucky Laura."

"Excuse me?" I thought my ears might have heard her wrong.

"I used to call you Lucky Laura. It's silly, I know. But I always thought you'd have to be really lucky to have Riley so you love with you." She gave me a little closed mouth laugh. "He's a pretty great guy." She added with a pinch of that explanatory note in her voice.

If anybody in this damn wide world knew how great Ry was, that person was me.

All of a sudden, my throat felt a little dry. "He is a great guy, yes."

She looked around, setting her eyes on Riley. I was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, Suzanne was actually a nice person and all that antipathy was coming from myself alone when she opened her mouth to disabuse me of that notion.

"Seems you're at a disadvantage, Laura." Her eyes were still on Riley when she spoke to me using a voice that wasn't as honeyed as it had been only a second ago. There was something about the way she said my name that almost made me shudder.

"At a disadvantage?" Maybe it was just me. My prejudice and predisposition to dislike Suzanne for no apparent reason. But something seemed to have changed in her the minute she was left alone with me. She seemed to have stopped trying to be so nice.

"Yeah." She continued, wearing the deceitful smile of a cat about to jump on an unsuspecting bird. "You see, I know all about you. You, on the other hand, know nothing about me."

I scoffed out a laugh. "You know all about me?"

She lifted both her eyebrows and I half expect her to inspect her nails like a caricatured villain. Of course I saw myself as the good girl. "Riley told me all about you." She said all-so-casually.

Her smile grew larger as her words worked the desired effect on me. My face was burning hot and I had never been so damn glad for being black, otherwise I'd be as red as a tomato.

Riley had told this Suzanne, who he's known since college, all about me when I had never heard a thing about her until ten minutes ago? Goddamn him, the son of a bitch.

Also, fuck maturity. I didn't like her. Not one bit.

"You're right. I know nothing about you. Riley never bothered to say anything about you." I hated how petty I sounded. Bickering with another woman over fucking Riley.

Suzanne's lips quirked at the corners with something that seemed to me like self-assurance. "Well, Riley told me about you." Her tone of voice changed again, became nicer, although still sarcastic. Anyone who happened to look our way would never think I was about to claw her eyes out of their sockets. "I expected you to be less attractive. I'm disappointed. This will be harder than I thought."

I blinked several times. "What the fuck did you say?"

Riley, and only Riley, came back before my conversation with his girlfriend had a chance to go on.

"Riley!" Suzanne said, hooking her arm in the crook of his. "Don't you feel good about yourself standing between two gorgeous ex girlfriends?"

"Ex-girlfriends?" My voice was too loud. At once, that little puzzle I had been putting together in my mind since Suzanne admitted she was from California was complete.

Riley's dark eyes had a particular look to them I knew all too well . It was the kind of shameful, guilty look he put on before one of us starting yelling at each other.

"Yeah! Riley didn't...Oh! He didn't." Suzanne made her face express that kind of confusion that is quickly followed by sudden understanding. "I guess I'll just go stand over there." She marched towards where Rocco was standing, talking on his phone. Riley and I just watched her go to avoid looking at each other.

Understanding suddenly struck me. I laughed a bitter sound.

Of course.

Suzanne had played me. And I, silly as a duck, fell right into her net. She knew well enough I didn't know she was Riley's damn ex-girlfriend. I didn't even know she existed before he imposed her on me, bringing her into my damn house.

Officially. I didn't like her at all.

Putting aside my childish behavior just long enough to drag my eyes up to Riley's face, I saw he looked a bit embarrassed. He opened his mouth, and I, out of pure and simple caprice, turned my back to him and marched to my kitchen; the place where I could always find some peace.

Leaning on the cool surface of my fridge, I tipped my head back and took deep breaths that weren't enough to soothe my nerves.

"Laura?" I snapped my eyes open to see Riley standing in front of me, raking his fingers through his unruly hair.

"Ry." I said back, using a very condescending tone of voice.

He ran another hand over his hair, looking down at his feet. "I dated her in college. After we broke up."

"For how long?" I asked.

"A while."

"You never told me about her, Riley."

"No, I didn't."

"Why? Why didn't you?" I pulled myself straight, crossing my arms over my chest.

When Riley looked at me it was almost comical what a boy he was, staring briefly at my bulging breasts before blowing an annoyed breath and saying, "I don't have to tell you everything do I, Laura? Just because you're my best friend doesn't mean I am obligated to tell you everything. We're not children anymore!" He turned his back to me, quickly whirling back around. "Why do you care so much anyway? Are you jealous?"

"Jealous?!" I released a breath that was accompanied by a humourless laugh. That feeling that was twisting my guts and raising the little hairs on my nape at the mere thought of his Suzanne wasn't jealousy. I refused to call it jealousy. "Riley! You met her at Stanford! You dated her after we broke up! Time in which I dated someone else, and told you all about it. And you," I pointed a finger at his face. He hated when I did that. "You always said you were still single!"

"Well, I wasn't, Laura." He hissed.

"Then why the fuck did you say you were?! Why did you lie?" I realized that, as exasperated as I felt, I was whispering-yelling at him afraid the people, mostly Rocco, standing a room away might hear us.

He only stared at me for several minutes. His eyes were more unsettling than usual; those eyes as dark as the bottom of an ocean. He regarded me with an apprehension that made me think maybe he was about to confess he'd buried a body in my garden or something terrible like that. "I didn't...I wanted...I-" He sputtered. "I didn't tell you because," He pressed his lips together, exhaled through his nose, then let it out. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to know, Laura."

"What?" I shook my head skeptically. "Why, Riley? I told you about Jordan. Why didn't you tell me about Suzanne?"

He opened his mouth to speak and didn't, releasing a long breath instead. I couldn't fathom what kind of thing would be so difficult for him to tell me. Whatever it was though, it seemed to almost physically weight on him. "Because I thought..." He trailed off. His expression was so miserable I clasped my hands behind my back so the friend in me wouldn't reach out to hug him. "I thought we'd get back together, Laura." His defeated shrug was followed by a slumping of his shoulders. "After college, when I came home. I thought we'd get back together."

I had that sensation you get when you dream you're falling and you wake up with a little startled jump. You still have two or three seconds there where you don't realize you're awake, that maybe you're still dreaming and you're still falling.

I said nothing back to him. I didn't think I could've.

He sighed deeply, running yet another hand over his tousled dark hair. A sign he was nervous. "Suzanne was really important, Ells. She helped me a lot." He spoke of her with such softness it stung me. "But you and I we...we never fought. We didn't stop talking. We didn't hate each other. We just...we ended. We still loved each other when we broke up, didn't we?"

It took me a few seconds to realize that conversation was really happening. When I did, I nodded, giving him the only existing answer to that question. "Yeah. We did."

"I didn't want to, Ells. I wanted to forget you, then Suzanne came along." He winced like he was mad at himself for not expressing his words quite right. "I wanted to be with you, but I knew things weren't working with the distance and everything." He raised both his brows, looking at me from under his upper eyelashes as though asking Do you see what I mean? "Today, when I look back, I think we were right to break things up. We wouldn't be friends today had we allowed the romantic side of our relationship to eat away at our friendship too. And I can't imagine not having you in my life, Ells. So I just...I broke up with her before graduation. About a month ago I bumped into her and we just fell prey to old habits, I guess."

Riley's brows were drawn together. He had a kind of pained look on his face that tightened my chest. I never knew he had wanted to get back together all those years ago. When he came back I was still dating Jordan, who Riley actually developed a limited friendship with. He never said anything then. But listening to him admit to me he had those feelings once upon a time forced me ponder on the what if of it all. What if he had said something?

If he had, you would have said yes, Laura. You know you would have.

I lowered my eyes and when I blinked a hot tear ran down my cheek. I promptly wiped it away, but another quickly followed. "I'm sorry, Ry." I forced my head up. "I never imagined you...I'm sorry, I just...I wish you would've told me."

"I know, Ells. I'm sorry, too." He shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. "There's so many things I should've told you. But I guess it's too late now." I didn't press him into telling me what other things he should've told me. I supposed he had had enough revelations for one night.

We lapse into silence though our eyes didn't leave each other's. As I looked into his disturbingly dark ones I wondered if I had hurt him while I rubbed my then boyfriend under his nose. I swallowed the urge to ask him exactly why he hadn't asked me to get back together then. Or why he was choosing to say it now, when nothing could be done about it. Anyway, I was glad that stone was out of the path. I was tired of fighting him, avoiding him, missing him and doing whatever stupidity we were doing to each other.

"I missed you, Ry." I wasn't sure who spoke. If the present Laura, or the Laura of some fourteen years ago. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too." He said, softly.

"Is it over? This time out between us? Can we stop now, please? I want my best friend back."

Riley smiled wanly, spreading his arms in a wide invitation. "I'd say it's about time it's over."

I allowed myself to step into the embrace he offered me. I had missed him so, so much. It was a relief to have him back. I blew a long shuddering breath on his shoulder, wrapping my arms tightly around him. My crying slowly subduing.

"Don't ever do this again, Riley. Don't leave me alone again."

"I won't." He said, kissing the top of my head. "I can't."

Feeling the soothing tips of Ry's fingertips fondling my hair and his arm around my middle, I was beginning to feel that drowsiness that followed crying or heavy emotions. The relief alone was tiring. Knowing I could stop wasting all that energy in missing or being mad at him was a gift. I heard Riley's breath change and the brush of his mouth against my ear when he opened it to say something. The voice I heard wasn't his though.

"Laura?" At the sound of Rocco's voice, Riley and I disentangled ourselves as though we were infidel lovers caught in the act.

"We were just..." I felt an urgent, overpowering need to explain myself.

"...talking." Riley blurted, sounding just as guilty as I felt.

Rocco frowned, looking between the two of us. "Suzanne wants some water." He spoke to Riley, but kept his green eyes on me. I could almost feel them burn my skin.

Riley darted one last apologetic look my way. I nodded, then he left for the living room not stopping to get Suzanne her water. In the back of my mind, a little voice told me she wasn't really thirsty. She had sent Rocco there just to see what Ry and I were up to.

I wiped my face with the backs of my hands, sniffling, standing there like a child waiting to be scolded. But Rocco, surprising me, walked towards me and hugged me instead.

"Are you alright?" He enquired, his breath hot in my hair.

"Yes." I said into his chest. "Just..." I pulled away wanting to look him in the eyes as I explained myself. "Riley and I haven't been seeing each other eye to eye lately. We had a long overdue talk."

Rocco gave me what I supposed he thought was an understanding look, but to me it felt like sternness. "I understand." He let me stay in his arms for a while longer. I felt strange, like a cheater somehow. One minute I'm in one man's arms. The next in another's. "Let's go." Rocco said, pulling away. "I'm dying to try your Lamb ribs."

After a few more moments to recompose myself I served dinner resolved to behave perfectly well until the end of the night.

***

The clinking of cutlery against china was the predominant sound during dinner. It was a quiet experience, to put it mildly. No one seemed to have much to say. Suzanne and Sofia tried to start a conversation once or twice, but soon gave that up having received no encouragement from the rest of us. Rocco wouldn't so much as look in Riley's direction. Any words I threw his way were met with grunts instead of actual answers. Riley only opened his mouth to allow his fork in and out. And I was dreaming of the past with too many unasked questions swirling around in my head to bother saying much.

I was still trying to understand Riley. As hard as I tried I couldn't stop thinking of what he'd said. I thought we'd get back together. The more I thought about it, the more I felt a little resentful of him for keeping that from me. He should've told me. He should have. All those years ago he looked so fine, so at ease around me and my new boyfriend I never believed he wanted me back. Of course I had had entertained the idea. Secretly, I had wanted to get back together as well. But he never gave me any indication of wanting the same. I was dating another guy and he didn't seem to mind that as well so, eventually, I forgot about it. I convinced myself that we were definitely over. Happy enough that he at least felt like he could still be my friend.

After dinner, I tried once again to be alone with Ry. I simply wanted to talk to him after two months of neglectfulness. When I found him though, he was huddled up in a corner talking to my sister. That sight alarmed me. If Sophia said to him half of the stupid things she said to me, I had good reason to be worried. I settled for a chat with Todd who could talk about nothing else but his son, reminding me what a wonder it was to have children and how I didn't have one. Rocco and Suzanne were in another corner sharing their perfectness.

In the end, everyone commended me on the cooking. Dinner was not much of a party, but at least everyone was satisfied with the food. Riley and I said our goodbyes in good terms once again. And he promised me he'd be at the bistro the next day. Suzanne and I lied to each other, saying it was nice to meet, when it clearly wasn't. I suspected Rocco and Riley did the same.

My sister, though, gave me a strangely long hug. "I love you, Lo. All I want is for you to be happy, ok? Just be happy." She left before she could explain to me what the hell she had meant.

***

When everyone, except for Rocco, had left, I dropped my body onto my couch reveling in a sense of mission accomplished. Dinner hadn't been perfect, but at last it was over.

"Oh, thank god that's over!" I voiced my last thought, raising my hands to the ceiling.

"What's your story with Riley." Rocco asked me out of fucking nowhere.

I sat bolt upright. "What?!"

"You and Riley." He repeated, standing in front of me. "What's your story?"

I glanced up at him, flabbergasted. Where the fuck was that coming from? "Ahhh...well, we...we met in school. As kids. I've told you that, haven't I?"

"What about the rest of the story?" He insisted, casually burying his hands on the pockets of his trousers.

I sighed, annoyed. My expectations that Riley and Rocco would sympathize with each other went down the drain. Riley was a kind of hipster writer and Rocco was a businessman, some good years older than Riley and myself. They had nothing in common. And Rocco, after the scene in the kitchen, didn't even try to be civil to Riley.