All Comments on 'The Future is R Ch. 01'

I do hope you keep writing more of both this and American Phalanx. Love it!

All of the comments on my last few stories have been all positive, and it's great to know at least some people are enjoying the ideas I've been tossing out there. I am looking to improving my writing style though, so any criticism would be greatly appreciated, thanks!

First (or last!), the twist at the end was great. The setting was different and had a certain logic to it that worked. An explanation of the name code would help the setting, I think. It is not clear why you included the discussion of the Kappa caste at this point.

The scene with the band was just confusing. Maybe experience with hard drugs is required to relate. You lost me with that. The confusion of the acid trip seriously detracted from the sex.

Also, the story is very one-sided and there is almost no character development.

But the twist at the end was enough for me to want to see what the next chapter has.

Oopsie, should've checked the database first. Now they're feeling extra-naughty.