All Comments on 'The Gift'

"no anal" and I would add "no colons"! Learn to write dialogue. Colons are not used.

Needs it,

be worse even if i don't know how, but it is a really stupid story, are you sure your not bonnie taylor.

. . . doesn't have the excitement it should have, between husband and wife, between wife and lover, even the conversation between husband and lover is not at all exciting. I suggest if you try a rewrite of this story, look for a few ways to bring more life and animation into your characters.

This story has one or two minor erros as: The trip was projected to be a week long and she has already been there 8 days"...and stayed 3 more days. But for me the important is to talk about gifts: I understand perfectly his gift, his love being unselfish, strong and a true one. He wasn't expecting none in return...If her love for him was as strong as his for her, she would have given him a gift too, even knowing he didn't want any in return!!! She would never have had another man!!! That's what true love means...But no...she had to have another man, and twice...That showed that her love and respect for him weren't in the same level that his for her...And the story ended in a way that showed this clearly: She saying: "Hey, I have an idea!"...Now all his rules were forgotten and sent to the trash...What a loving wife he had!!! 2*

In a literary sense ... Your story is frankly very bad.

Why?

Well I challenge you to read your story back to yourself out loud ....

Then ask yourself this simple question... have you ever heard any people ever talk to each other like that in real life?

Mind you I'm not talking about what they are saying but rather the way they are saying it to each other.

The answer has to be no ...

They way you have written the dialogue is stilted, overly formal and frankly lacking any flow. It's like you tried to make each statement like a formal speech. Well people don't talk to each other like that.

Loosening up the way you write dialog to make it read more realistically would vastly improve your writing.

for story and effort

Why marriage

Was that gift pregnancy by another man? Or was it the Std's, herpes or Aids that she picked up? Even for a fictional story this just didn't make any sense. Why be married if you want to fuck other men? Why would you want your wife to take such risks? As a man, do you have no pride or self respect that you pimp your wife out to another man? UGH!

Not liking the story is okay just as liking the story is okay. However, I have a feeling you didn't at least skim it. There is no other explanation for missing this part.

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2) Safe Sex - please use protection.

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There's also the paragraph detailing putting on the condom. Therefore your "Was that gift pregnancy by another man? Or was it the Std's, herpes or Aids that she picked up?" is bullshit.

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You're a good example of why there are those who slam people for what seems to be having a different opinion. You do or don't like the story is fine, but at least get your facts straight on WHY you do or don't like the story.

But you do seriously need an editor, especially when it comes to dialogue and punctuation. Name: is not a proper way to write a story. Now, I have no doubt that hubby really loved Gail, but she did accept the gift as in "went through with it." What's to stop her from doing it again, and not telling hubby about it, and not using a condom, and getting knocked up. Still gave you 5 *'s to offset the naysayers.

And don't start conversations with "Name:..."

In normal circles in receiving a gift, a gift of like value is almost always returned, at least in the long run. There is no mention of anything not even a stale warm beer.

There is only one time she says the L word to WACC, and that is just before fucking somebody else. She says he loves her but not the converse. So this really is a one sided relationship. He gives; she takes.

Oh well he load, aimed and pulled the trigger on himself. Rule #1 has been thrown out; sex with the same guy multiple times violates the Stranger Only rule. Rule #2 is the most over looked rule in the world; hence the 'Oh shit I AM PREGNANT' JOKES. Now by the time rule #3 kicks in who but him will care or even remember?

Well he's use to sitting home while she is out fucking. He will be doing a lot of that.

Is she unhappy with their sex life, his lovemaking, his cock, did she ask for this? I don't know anyone who would do this but than the couples I know are actually in love. Besides not understanding their motives the story was poorly written, but the whole cockold thing will never make sense or excite me in any way. A 1.

Horrible writing style, horrible premises for a story, if they're so dedicated to each other, so in love with each other, him giving her the 'gift' of an affair contradicts all of that love and dedication.

Needs a lot of editing and the dialogue reads like a bottle label. 2*

I travel often and am always amazed by the women that are flirtacious and wanting , but never seem to go through with it...... I think more men should give their wives permission to road play.......

There might have been something there. Let's say her husband was a quadriplegic. He could get it up, but there was never any horse play or cuddling so he offered her a chance at something more. Maybe he was dying from cancer and had lost his sexual facilities, and he wanted her to have some pleasure she could share with him before he checked out. No none of this; just another immature irresponsible man waiting for a chance to get some disease. It wasn't even very well written.

I didn't vote.

I have no problem with a guy wanting to please his wife by letting her have affairs. I'm not a member of the Literotica Morality Police. If he wants to share, it's alright with me. But the comments on the stilted dialogue and generally poor writing are right on. And, please do get an editor! Also, you mixed up Ed and Mark a couple of times. Loved the potential expressed by Gail's last statement; but, if you write that story, I hope you do a better job. Gave you 3 stars.

Now if he showed up with another woman who he was fucking while selfish wife was doing her thing, then you have a straight guy story. Story as is not so much.

Finish the damn story.

Hubby is made out to be TOO perfect. If he was THAT "loving," rules #1 & #3 wouldn't exist. So he does have SOME degree of possessiveness.

Leaving the ending with some degree of uncertainty is a valid literary device. But (IMHO) this is too abrupt.

Will Gail suggest they violate rule 3? Will he agree so as to participate? The story would then (again IMHO) fall apart.

Awaiting further developments.

says it all

Love this story

Once she started, she did it twice and only called him for the first. By agreement, that was okay BUT, a pattern was established, even though not right away.

One year later, the three of them at the Bar and Gail says...'She has an idea...well, of course and that is also okay.

You never really finished this story and you would not have turned her into a Hot wife with Cuckold but guess what...she is going to be going down that road. It's like a slow train, slowly picking up speed and after tonight - she'll be much more available!

Well, they say Fools and their Money are soon separated but that goes equally as well as encouraging your wife to be Hot, euphoric that it might be, you lose!

The gift that keeps on giving.

Some of us find it more relaxing and more rewarding just to hear our lover's voice over the phone and don't need sex with a random stranger. I guess it takes all kinds.

...mark should have given her the gift of a divorce so Gail could find a real man. 1 star.thanx!

Loklie