All Comments on 'The Girl Under The Stairs Ch. 01'

"Embraces are cominglings from the head even to the feet, and not a pompous high priest entering by a secret place." —William Blake

"I gave him the bit of seedcake out of my mouth and it was leapyear like now yes 16 years ago my God after that long kiss I near lost my breath yes he said I was a flower of the mountain yes so we are flowers all a womans body yes that was one true thing he said in his life and the sun shines for you today yes that was why I liked him because I saw he understood or felt what a woman is and I knew I could always get round him and I gave him all the pleasure I could leading him on till he asked me to say yes [...] and Gibraltar as a girl where I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes." —Molly Bloom

Going to disagree with some of these early comments. I thought it was a very good story. Yes, it had some errors with the sister's name and unintentionally dropped words. The first flashback of the parents fighting was not immediately clear to me that it was a flashback. Consider an editor (or a better one).

But the story held passion and I believe the writing style boosted that instead of detracting from it. You're in the protagonist's head, hearing his thoughts as he's thinking them. You are right there in it with him. I prefer this to those attempts at first person storytelling that read like a set of instructions. "I touched you. You sucked me. Etc."

Keep up the good work!

I loved the "stream of consciousness" style of writing and, punctuation errors be damned, the climactic sex/love scene is one of the hottest I have ever read on this site. It truly made me imagine I was a participant. Great writing!

I can't say I wasn't annoyed at the style at first, mostly single sentences double spaced. I stuck with it after I realized the complete/incomplete sentences were Jimmy's thoughts as they came to him. Spontaneously.

The cast party shook me a little as I saw an unhappy ending approach. I hate unhappy endings and I nearly stopped reading. I'm glad I didn't.

Thank you for a story that touched me deeply and ignore the comments by readers who don't have the ability to understand. This one's a winner!

Well done. A fantastic piece of short literature. Please keep at it, your talent is undeniable.

5 stars are not enough for this.

Not only very erotic but a wonderful literary style as well. Excellent - entertaining!!

This work is set apart from most found on this site.

Thank you for this unique piece and your uncommon prose and talent.

Cheers

thanks for a very different story, to my mind very well done. Seemed to me the "grammar rules" broken were broken for well thought out reasons and not in error.

Well done. Turn in into a book if anyone still buys books.

Really like it.

Beautifully written, definitely a piece of Erotica, not just a fuck story. I anxiously await more of your very entertaining, unique prose.

This may be the best story I've found on the Web; certainly on this site. Poetic in the most profound sense of the word. Stream of Consciousness is hard to do (I've tried it!), and you've done it superbly. Pay no attention to the Philistines who complain about details---those can be fixed. And some of them simply don't understand the writing style; maybe there's no hope for them. My only problem: after reading this, I wouldn't DARE try to write a sex scene!

*Fingermeister

Very well written, definitely agree with the other comments. Honestly beautiful prose with only minor errors, absolutely wonderful!

A very different style compared to most writers on here, not in the bad way but more poetic, more serene, very softly written.

Even though its incest that could be turned into any type of an erotic love story with explicit paragraphs.

Thankyou 5*

This writing style is not the norm for this web site.

BRAVO for this brave writer !!

I felt this was not a complete story, but an outline of a story. I don't think this as a bad thing at all.

The writer, in so doing, allows each reader to fill in the gaps with our own feelings & experiences to complete this story.

Thank you for making me review my own past concerning this subject.

So raw. So perfect. So real.

Thank you for not over-sexualising everything and keeping it real. Perfect!

One of the best bits of writing I've seen on these pages.

E

A work of art. May you find positive world renown.

It was very different from the norm ...

Many words i had to look up as others would have to if they were honest about it !!

I did find it a bit long winded, thats just me though !

I was tired when i read this and sadly that added to the deformation and willingless to enrapture its unusual dialogue.

Thanks for your story ....

A piece of art. Never seen anything like it on this site. Thank you for writing it.

I love the descriptions you give, picture perfect. I can see her, them, in my mind. Thank you. And your story is so hot, not just the fucking... the whole nudity tease, makes me wish i was there. Bare feet mentioned always adds to my pleasure, and the description of his licking rough heel to virgin arch... what a magnificent mind painting. You are a great story smith.

Many of your commenter were very effusively positive about your style. I for one found it somewhat difficult to read. It just didn't flow for me. I'm sure it was just me.???

A good story though and gave it 5*s.