All Comments on 'The Girl with the Hematite Eyes'

I almost missed this one. I look every other day for your next submission, but I guess I didn't go far enough down under new stories to catch this. No fret! I also look you up under the Search Function, and was tremendously excited to see "20" next to your handle under the number of submissions category. Cool! Another temptanddestroy story!***PARAGRAPH***

I started with trepidation because of the title. The end of Sixville? Ack! Say it isn't so! Obviously after having read the whole thing it's not necessarily the end, although the mystery which was part of Sixville's allure is gone. I did enjoy the explanation, complete with references to Paradise Lost. Your breadth of knowledge and literary inclusions have always been a cut above. Once again, another great exhibition of your vocabulary in the title. Hematite eyes! Awesome! Love the latin. It added authenticity.***PARAGRAPH***

My only complaint is the same one as always. Your settings are amazing. Your characterizations are wonderful. Your ability to build a suspension of disbelief, even with events that are so obviously outside of normal experience, is extremely well done.***PARAGRAPH***

Your descriptions of the actual act of consummation are too abrupt. Most (not all!) of your stories could use a protagonist who holds out better before giving in to his lusts. This one in particular seems a bit of a shame that Father Brooks gives in so fast, because of the hidden virus that ends up dooming the Demon Queen. How much better would it have been if you were to describe how he holds out for an extended time, upon visit after visit, not even told by his superiors that his seed was the key to her destruction --- but instead given false instructions, entrapped in her web, holding out with his innocence hoping maybe for rescure, or escape, whereupon he could carry out the false instructions for her doom.***PARAGRAPH***

Instead, little by little she whittles down his resistance, forces him to come inside her, only to discover its fatality.***PARAGRAPH***

I also didn't like something as mundane as the HIV virus as finishing her off. I prefer to assume there was some tailoring done with the particular virus Father Brooks was injected with to make it specifically effective against the Demon Queen.***PARAGRAPH***

I love the storytelling embedded in storytelling, with Connor narrating from the present tense about events that occurred at some undetermined time in the past. I love the recurring characters, such as Connor, Sean, Justine, Claudine, Low, and Fred. I liked the setting better without all the detail. I loved the oppressive, unexplained mystery of Sixville. I preferred being able to constantly ask myself, "What is wrong with Sixville?" without having any answers, just hints here and there. Nonetheless, if you're going to have an explanation for all the previous documented stories, this was a good one --- appropriately epic.***PARAGRAPH***

I hated the inclusion of vampires in the oevure. I know they have a large audience, and frankly I'd prefer your writing achieve greater interest than appeal to me specifically, because I think you deserve it. I'm just a demon/succubus guy, myself, I guess. Whatever that means.***PARAGRAPH***

I still haven't gone back and reviewed all your other Sixville stories one by one the way I intend to, but I will.***PARAGRAPH***

Once again, thank you so much for taking the time to construct another story. I enjoy your writing greatly. I'm very appreciative that you're willing to share your efforts with Literotica, therefore giving me an opportunity to be a part of your audience. As always I look forward to your next submission. Take care, and good luck in all your endeavors.***PARAGRAPH***