All Comments on 'The Golden Orb Ch. 01'

I have wished for a long time for such a beautiful relationship abd to be a lovely trsnsgirl girlfriend.. I would have gone further and become all girl for my lovely girlfriend.. or at least a full hermaphrodite with all organs fully functioning.. but pee like a girl and become a mother

An excellent work of erotic fantasy fiction, especially for a 1st time writer.

I do hope that you find the inspiration and the desire to continue this story.

Please ignore the anonymous trolls. I'm sure that there are a large number of readers out there who are eager to read about Sam and Jane's further adventures as they explore their erotic fantasies.

Regards

Argent

"Stupid beyond belief" describes someone who would spend his time reading 5 pages he obviously disliked.

Loved the story. Won't be long before Sam is bent over that desk, boobs against the wood surface, ass in the air. Please continue.

I think you are going to be a good writer because you have a great start. This story is interesting and enjoyable, hope you keep it up.

Can't wait for more, I will be eagerly F5ing your member submissions page every day.

I wish a woman would turn me into her sexy cocksucking shemale girlfriend.

Can't wait for he next part.

I have only been straight all my life but have been bi curious interested in being a bottom. Stories of exploration of this sort especially transformation are a favorite of mine. Even better when a woman is the one helping the guy become something more. With the golden orb able to give unlimited wishes the story has so many options. Like Jane being able to have a dick or Sam a pussy etc. Look forward to the next one

The story is pretty good but the flow of your writing is my big problem it didn't sound right at all and all the conversations had no life in them the structure sentencing was just werid to me also and diminished the quality of the story but besides that it was good

I have a story with a plot very close but it has some big differences too. You orb is good ideal giving a lot of ways to go from here. Can't wait to read the next story and rub my little she cock through my panties. Add a bit more humiliatiom and shopping and other changes to the four friends. You should give your stroy a good proof read also to make it eazyer to follow.

So, I'm really enjoying the story, buuuuut, Jane has a stone that grants wishes, but it kinda feels like she forgot about it after Sam's transformation.

Is she still using it to slowly change Sam's mind?

Will there be more transformation? If so, how crazy are you willing to get/ how twisted can Jane get?

Is Sam going to get a turn with the stone?

Is something going to happen/ has something happened to the stone, and will San have to come to terms with not being able to change back?

And lastly, and most importantly, WHEN IS THE NEXT CHAPTER DUE? :D

more more more

I stopped halfway through the first page because the quality of writing is - well, poor. Maybe I didn't give it a fair chance, but just telling a story isn't enough - it must be told in a manner that keeps the reader's attention.

Some suggestions for improvement:

• Show don't tell. Us action verbs - not passive ones.

• Say it once and move on.

• Maintain tense within sentences and paragraphs.

• Set the stage in the first three or four paragraphs – not the first couple pages.

• Don’t depend on a spill chicken.

• Grammar, punctuation, and style are important – learn how to use them. The Copy Editor’s Handbook or The Chicago Manual of Style are invaluable tools a writer should keep at the read.

• Proof read and correct your manuscript – as many times as necessary.

• Use an editor. If you can’t afford an editor, even an inexpensive one, use a couple beta readers and listen to their feedback.

Based on the number of readers who really liked this story, I’d like to try it again after a couple rounds of editing/proofing. Until then, though, I have to say, “No thanks.”

I started just skimming and looking for any of the characters to start showing some genuine emotions.

Also, if I hear the word "girlfriend" one more time I'm gonna hurl!

...I suggest rewriting it as a Futa story. The transexual thing isn't working for me. I think if he became a futa, with a dick and a pussy that the story would be more coherent. I like it, really. And there are some grammar and punctuation issues. And I agree about the use of 'girlfriend'. But in general, it''s a good story. Looking forward to the next installment.

U agree thecwritingbquality is very amateurish but it's s preservationists & well thought out. Practice makes perfectv& I hope you continue this wonderfully unique take of genderbending. Except for thevwritingbwhich needs firefighters from a goodveditor, I have you've 4out of 5 stars.

The writing makes it seem like English is not your first language. Maybe study some grammar, and take a look at a thesaurus to broaden your vocabulary. It will help smooth out your writing and make the story flow better. But all in all it was a good story and I look forward to the next part and encourage you to keep writing, you will improve with practice.

"Waves of pleasure cursed through my whole body" - coursed would feel a lot better although I assume that if the waves of pleasure were that good then probably you would curse too.

"The first few trusts were quite hard" (repeated in two paragraphs) - guess it's often hard to trust someone so perhaps you should have thrust harder.

"Oh is someone getting exited already?" Fancy getting excited just when you're exiting!

"A short flash of pride washed trough me" - so, you keep a trough with you, do you? Saves using a plate, I guess. And when you're through with it, you can just push it aside.

"I actually deepthorated a dick." - 'Thorate' - any oxyanion of thorium.

"suddenly started trashing around." - is that a description of throwing trash everywhere or was that meant to indicate that she was moving her body violently?

Sorry, but the proliferation of errors of one kind or another totally demolished any enjoyment in reading this story. Not only that but your conversations were so stilted and stiff. Who ever addressed his female buddy as 'girlfriend'? Sure, you might tell someone else that was who that person was but you'd address her to her face as 'darling' or 'lover' or 'sweetheart' or something like that.

3 stars because I'm feeling generous.