All Comments on 'The Good with the Bad'

Please continue.

There are many, many errors in this composition: omitted words, poor grammar, sentence fragments, switch from first person to third person narrative, etc. The basic telling of the story seems reasonably good but the errors are too distracting. You need to use the free editors available through this web site.

I must agree with SmallTitFan, proper grammar is essential to keeping a reader going with the flow. One thing that you can do for yourself is to use MS Word, with its built-in grammar-checker. This will catch many of the errors he pointed out. Then send it to the staff's editors for their advice. Once they are done with it, you will have a much better story.

This story is in desperate need of an editor.

the story line and potential are there for a greater story . roll with it.

Has potential, but REALLY needs an editor.

load of crap

Potential? Hell, no. There is no potential with this kind of horrible editing.

Do everyone a favor and stop writing. Do that, or go back to school.

it's a text based porn site, created for jacking off. it's not english class, or a literature competition. you should judge by how hard you got, not by grammar... if you read about someone fucking, and grammar makes you soft, try redtube.com. there is only video there

It's still a story, and in ALL stories grammar and punctuation matter. I don't expect professional level writing, but I do expect some evidence the writer based basic English. This failed. I can only presume you like people shitting all over you.

I really like this as the start of a multi part love story. Like the other commenters, I urge you to find an editor. Don't be discouraged by the negative comments, just keep working at it and you'll get better.

Mike

Good start. All writing begins when you put words on the page.

Run-on sentences can be distracting. Built in grammar checkers will help, but there is another way to test your reading, depending on your learning style -- read the text aloud. Pause where you have commas, and stop speaking when you find a period (US) aka full stop (UK). By doing that, you may begin to find where you need to do your sentence breaks.

Don't give up. If you can find an editor, go for it. Good luck!

She didn't suck but this story sure did.

You have a good start on a story. It needs to be continued now. Thanks

"But we found each other." Well, there's no evidence of anything here but two grieving siblings.

You need to proof read you story before posting it. There were way to many mistakes in grammar and the way you jump from him telling the story to like someone else was telling it. If you fix these things then you may have a good story but I strongly suggest that if you plan on posting more stories you either proof read them or get someone to edit them for you so there won't be any mistakes and make reading the story enjoyable.

Liked it but wish there was more

I quit reading after 3 paragraphs. Just horrible grammar and sentence structure.

Good story man, it has a lot of good potential for a follow up or more. The poor editing needs to be fixed so its a little easier to follow (quite a few pronoun misuses and different punctuation problems made it confusing and took away from the story.) Get yourself and editor and this story may take off quite well.

Along with the horrible grammar, there is no sex of any kind. The story either needs moved to non-erotic or made longer to include some kind of incest, and no kissing does not count as incest!

At least it was short!

It seems as if Sophie needs her brother's comfort now that their mother has past on, and it could be a very sweet loving same family sex story with them falling deeply in love with each other, and the sex that they have, makes their love even stronger.

Thanks for the read.

To the so called 'English Examiners' all I can say is you are obviously short of imagination if you can not get the feel of this pair of kids.

Didn't take the score, but it seemed that most of the negative commentators were lacking in any form of submissions to back up their diatribes.

Personally I found it most refreshing to have my mind exercised without the standard and so repetitive 'doodle dashing' usually shovelled up to us.

Lovely story of sibling love. I hope you are going to tell us of the romance that blossoms from here and the daughter they make and name after their mother.

And what, that's no way to leave a story, not even a chapter, cmon.