All Comments on 'The Granduncle Inheritance'

Your narrative is way to long and I mean way way to long. I ended up only reading about half or less because of the vast amount of just bullshit put into make the story longer. The next time I want a travel log pages of wheres and whys I will seek the appropriate google page.This sounds like you wrote from a life experience. Too much information. Your story was mostly a waste of time. If I wanted a novel I would have red one. For all those reasons it gets a one from me.

i found this story very well written and did not find it to be too long would like to see a second chapter were the ex-wife and ex-husband get what coming to them

Just so you know...there is no such thing as a granduncle...

It goes, Uncle, Great Uncle, Great Great Uncle, there isn't a such person as a Grand Uncle...never has been, never will be :)

It never ceases to amaze me how people can't be bothered to appreciate a real story. I suppose a five year old's attention span is consistent with five year old spelling and grammar, as well. To rate a story like this as a "1" is petulant, childish and ignorant. Perhaps the first commenter should check the length of the story before committing his limited powers of concentration to a task he is clearly not equal to.

As for the story, I found the plot reasonably well developed (albeit somewhat predictable) and the characters fleshed out sufficiently fleshed out to keep my interest until the end. The real strength of the story is the emotional interplay and drawn out reconciliation of the siblings, which propels the narrative forward.

There are a few areas where improvements could be made. I am guessing that English is not your mother tongue, as there are occasional sentences with garbled syntax and awkward construction that feel (for want of a better word) "foreign." Another area of concern is the switching of viewpoints. The story segment, as told from Ian's perspective, is well done. Near the end, it seemed as though you were going to switch to Moira's point of view but it ended up as third person. I found this a bit jarring, as i was expecting first person from her perspective.

All in all, a solid effort. I hope you continue to write.

Very thorough and I enjoyed it! Five stars! Please do an epilogue.

This is primarily addressed to Anonymous who objected to granduncle as a term of relationship.

Please check your facts before letting rip rudely. Granduncle is relatively unusual but, nevertheless is a perfectly acceptable alternative to great uncle, as any respectable dictionary or encyclopaedia will tell you.

As regards my own feelings about the story, I felt it was a nice 'novella' length. The objectors obviously have a very restricted attention span! The writing was not perfect but few of us, me included, can aspire to the standards of Jane Austen or Charles Dickens. None the less, I thoroughly enjoyed it and being unable to give 4.75, I voted 5 stars. Well done.

I, couldn't, read, past, the, fifth, paragraph, because, you, use, too , many, commas.

we do need part 2 - what happens with the rest of their lives.

As for the commas, I am a professional editor. Almost all of the commas are properly placed. Dialog requires many commas. No different than commas in a novel or in non-fiction. I suppose the author could have broken the dialog into more "pieces," but to what end. The story would have been identical. I think the writing is excsllent.

This was awesome, don't change a thing, but please have an epilogue. Never mind the grammar comments, I can never understand why some of these idiots worry about grammar on a porn site. The Scottish law making them cousins was a nice touch as Queen Victoria and Albert were first cousin and had 5 kids (I know Ian & Moria are siblings) , but it was a nice touch. I suggest you make sure everyone has to sign in in to comment , as it is only fair that you should be able to make a rebuttal. I dislike "anonymous" comments, as they seem very cowardly. Great story honey,and I got your back.

I also would like an epilogue, to see how the two have their new life in Scotland, flashes to the misery of their exes, things like that. My only complaint, such that it is, is that nine pages was a bit much, and perhaps it could have been broken into three chapters. I did very much like it as is, though. I love stories where the author is writing a story that includes sex rather than a string of nonsensical sex scenes.

By page six. You MUST get an editor! While the basic storyline was excellent, there were so many glaring inconsistencies, so many redundancies and several sentences to complete paragraphs that made no sense no matter how many times I reread them. By the time i got to the bathing scene, that was it for me. Seriously, after the two spoke of their undying love for each other, which had lasted a lifetime, suddenly, bruises or not, they were reluctant? After they had layer together with his hard cock in her ass crack while she's moaning with pleasure? I felt like I was reading a different story. I really hated to stop, after reading so much of this story, as I very much wanted to read the conclusion. I would praise you for your perfect use of the comma. I hate run-on sentences. The proper use of the comma seems to be a lost art.

I have seen on Literotica so far! The concept is amazing, the descriptions are grand, and I could only find one bad thing with the story: the time that was obviously not spent in revision or editing! Still, as I said, truly amazing work, thank you!

An editor would take you from a decent story, if you can get past the grammatical issues, to an excellent tale that's worthy of four or five stars.

the best thing you or any writer here can do is IGNORE the fake kiss ass reviews and listen ONLY to the HONEST COMPLAINTS. kiss ass reviews will stroke your EGO but keep posting the same trash. complaints will help you either improve or learn you shouldn't be writing. this was a first draft and never should have been posted with out a total rewrite and a major editing by a GOOD EDITOR. if you write for yourself keep it to yourself, if you write for the readers do it properly and use a good editor before posting, also try to keep the chapters down to three or four pages.

Loved this story!

...so perhaps a second editor would be required. It says that you're from South America, so probably English isn't your first language, and you don't even have the benefit of a Germanic language as your native tongue. That's understandable. So I'm willing to overlook the mistakes that are particularly obvious in the first part.

Another issue are the inconsistencies, and those have nothing to do with language. Moira's breasts go from large to medium, Ian becomes more obviously middle aged, and Edward VIII changes to Henry VIII from one paragraph to the next. Except that Edward VIII was a British monarch of the early 20th century, best known for abdicating because he loved a divorced woman. And Henry VIII was never King of Scotland. Plus, you mention the country lanes of England. Ouch! Wars have started over smaller issues than calling the Scottish 'English'.

Speaking about starting wars: I thought that the comment 'you're from the colonies' was brilliant. Not many Americans will appreciate this tongue-in-cheek remark, from people that once ruled half the world but now have trouble keeping Scotland on board, yet still present themselves with a carefree aloofness as if nothing ever happened.

The length was OK for me. I don't see why anyone would be obsessed with short reads, and as for commas, I didn't notice anything amiss. And trust me, I would have noticed.

All in all, a fine story. Not perfect, but very enjoyable nonetheless.

And things must have been very bad indeed for them to find true happiness in a place as dreary as northern Scotland. ;)

this got very boring by the second page, a good editor could have trimmed it down to five pages and then it would have been worth reading.

Brilliant story, great plot, sensitively told, with a happy ending : what could you ask for ?

You really are a great story teller. This is one of the best I've read on here. Well worth more than 5 stars.

Thank you !

I love this. Great story with a wonderful plot. Keep writing more, please!

Liked the story but have 2 points, a solicitor in the UK (Scotland) would use celsius not fahrenheit and for a story to be set in the north east of Scotland to then be driving on rural roads in England throws the story off a little! 3*

but did not like the way ian talk about neo virgin and shit. being a virgin or sexually inexperienced is not a crime. i hate casual sex. i always think sex should come within our heart not from our little head. i can be sexually attracted to many. but that does not mean i should have sex with them just to gather experience.

I found the story to be a warm and loving tale of two soulmates that took 20 years to finally be together. The end didn't seem quite enough to make the story have a happily ever after real, but the news in the end that she was pregnant was a pleasant but not unexpected event. 5+++stars

I thought they were 7 or 8 years too old. Glad she wasn't infertile, but didn't like their age.

EXCELLENT.

You have produced a masterpiece of both love and lust, a little repetitive in places but then lust can be, I can't understand how this couple could keep their proposed marriage a secret from their parents. The Scottish law on inheritance is vastly different to that found in the rest of the UK and to federal law in the USA.