All Comments on 'The Gym: A Lesbian Love Story'

I stopped reading after this first paragraph.

I was in the kitchen at home making a wonderful dinner for my husband and I. I was making an ice pot roast dinner for my husband and I when a sharp and ominous knock on the door unexpectedly broke the routine of the afternoon.

Run on sentence, and misspelled words, compete with incomplete thoughts. Checked scoring on your previously submitted work and nothing moves above a 3.88.

GET AN EDITOR TO PROOF READ YOUR WORK!

"I want to go and see him, MOW!!!" I begged the officer.

WOW. With typos like that it is hard for the readers to look past the poor editing.

The subject of your story is good. As indicated in the previous comments, you need an editor and a proof reader to check over your work. Your use of the word "tonier" is particularly wrong.

I could care less about the typos. It was a beautiful story.