by turner1116
not good at all i don't think you even tried. IF you want to improve, which i doubt you do, ignore the rave reviews and listen only to the complaints that is the only way you will improve.
pervy is such an ass he is just as anonymous as everybody else there is no phone book in the world where you will find MRPERVY. he just wants everybody to have the same opinion as him ( one sided and unrealistic ) such a big ego surprised he can work a computer. as to the story way to long and not very good needs a lot of work.
I fail to see the haunted part, except for perhaps the end, which doesn't really count. I do like the title. This is what I tend to refer to as a semi -incest story. The sex is buried so deeply into the narrative that it doesn't really make it a sex story. It's good if you don't take it as an erotic story.
Identical twins can only ever be the same sex, not brother/sister - that would make just them fraternal - look it up.....
Thanks to all of you who have left me comments! Much appreciated! Please everyone, every little vote counts...Please continue to vote. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You! :)
This story is just in time to October and thanks for sharing.
I liked the story but it seemed a bit rushed at the end. Good start though, you could continue with these two characters.
You have started very well with the backgound on the manison. More background on the characters is a must if you continue this story. I know the manison is the main focal point and it still can be even in ruins it can cause strange happenings.
Please continue there is a lot of plot lines that are open to explore.
Thank you Mark! ;)......
I doubt highly that everyone here is a professional writer. So don't pay much attention to the critics. I had an idea that the women leading him up the stairs was Sissy. I've made comments before on other stories how it turns me off when writers give characters huge breasts and baseball bats for cocks. You didn't do that. I have a thing for small breasts anyway. It was a good read. You should've put in the halloween contest. More?
That was a well done story Turner. Please ignore the "anonymous" comments, if a person had any real guts they'd leave a contact name. Why do people always make comments on grammar. Literotica stories are basically jack-off stories, grammar, get real people. Thanks again Turner you have my full support.
Okay, thanks for the feedback, much appreciated! :) I just started writing erotica, infact It all started out as just a story I had texted my husband on the phone lol. Then I found this site and put them on here...I'm sure I will get better as I go, well i hope so haha...Thank you to everyone that has left feedback and thanks for all the votes!!! Please keep voting! :)
The story line is quite good, but the standard of writing isn't there yet. Your grammar needs more work. So often a good story is ruined by poor grammar and careless writing. If you really want to write well, find someone who can help you with the grammar. Study other writers' styles. It'll be worth it in the long run.
I don't know why people have to critique every little detail in the stories on this website. I love your story. Hope to read more from you soon. Gave you 5 stars!
Usually, because if one twin is afflicted with Turner syndrome. that twin develops into a female.
Rare, but possible.
How rare?
My colleges tell me of 5 documented cases, but I only know of 3.
lol. ok. Well thanks for your feedback, Its much appreciated! Please, Everyone feel free to leave me comments. Whether they are positive or negative, I can handle it. It will only help me improve in my writing. Thanks so much for reading! Oh and please vote, Thanks! :)
Identical twins are always the same gender, so it is impossible for a brother and sister to be identical - different appendages, etc.