All Comments on 'The Helldesk Ch. 02'

And even experienced dommes have doubts about their actions. How far do you take things in public when some busybody can (and will) call the cops on you. Believe me, a sex offender rap is NOT something you want on your bucket list. Likewise, you don't want your sub to spend time in prison or ruin her life because that takes things from fun and exciting to serious repercussions.

Thanks for your feedback - as you say, these are not actions to practice in person - that is one of the benefits of fiction over real life. As for the "too easy submission", well that was a side effect of growing a short story into larger piece - that's mainly inexperience on my part. I may yet go back and rewrite some of her reactions at some point, if I have the time, but it won't change the overall story arc.

Thanks to a german reader who messaged me with some plot suggestions - I shall be incorporating your first suggestion into the story arc in a couple of chapters! No spoilers though, I will provide more info once that segment has been published.

I'm enjoying the chapters. I'm not sure how long you plan to keep this story going, but it's fun so far.

First the plus points: You've got a narrator going that's smooth and entertaining to read, you also describe what happens in a tantalizing way, even if nothing too graphic has happened yet. You understand anticipation, which is nice.

The dialogue is a problem though. An example from page 3 of this part:

"Ohh, Sir, that is so very wrong. Your fingers in my pussy with anyone able to walk up and see.... Please don't tease me too much, you might make me cum. I'm so turned on, I don't think I would even be able to ask you to stop."

If you read that out loud, you should feel like there's something wrong with it. Same with her first confession when she's still bound to the desk. Her dialogue seems like an extension of the narrator instead of an actual separate character. You do a good job giving her neat little expressions and looks, but then when she opens her mouth, I feel like you fall down.

Just my two cents.

C&D