All Comments on 'The Helldesk Ch. 04'

So because she didn't want to face humiliation, he leaves her naked without shoes to walk home. I hope she figures out some way to get him sent to jail. He posted her to the internet. The deal was that he wouldn't do anything to make the higher ups know, but he posted her escapade to the internet, so he reneged on the deal. So the honesty he is mad about, he just did something worse. I hope her revenge is sweet.

So Mr.HH thinks its the coolest thing by the male lead to drag the female lead so miserably low?!;))She is dazzling....and he is fizzling out for your kindest info!! ;))

His breaching on his pact to her by an internet uploading...and then... harping like a slimeball hypocrite about utter honesty being oh so important to him....does nothing to take away from the glamour of Emma's 'never say die' spirit!! ;))

Much as you drag her down to utter miserability and humiliation....she is and will remain the undisputed and only star draw and star power of this story..;))...

You must go the whole hog and unleash all torments you know....on Emma...to check out this fact...!!;))Still, your precious miserable specimen of manhood male lead will look punier than dirt.....as compared to the gorgeous and braveheart Emma's dazzle and shine!!;))

And last but not the least....after a luxury dinner....a man who slinks away on his female dinner date without paying the bill?!...Ugh!!...not worth being kept a woman's pimp....let alone a casual sex date!!;))....Way more sexy for a guy to avoid such a dinner altogether!!;))..

.....Why? teenager stud villain of The Bully Ch 07 or 08 honours his expensive dinner date with the female lead victim, way better than your pathetic quitter veteran male lead!!...;))Just for razzle dazzle Emma that i keep returning to the story!!;))

Thanks for the feedback!

One thing I should clarify, about that file upload (for those who don't use Google Drive) is that the file was uploaded with very specific access permissions. The only people who are able to access it are those people who have the link (in effect the address of the file). That link has not been made available to anyone yet, so in effect, the file is NOT publicly available. This is the same way you can publish a video to Youtube, without making it publicly accessible and send the URL to someone and have them preview it before you go ahead an publish it.

Yes, the Admin is being a shittily immature human being with the way he is treating Emma, but he's not quite *THAT BAD*!

He is just a piece of shit human being. With the anger reactions of a child. Leaving her to walk 30 mins naked is to way way to far. He deserves a swift kick in the nuts and a punch to the face when she next sees him.

I disagree with you, The Admin doesn't have it in for her. He is not the problem. She is.

He has been honest, direct, and faithful to every statement and promise he has made to her. He proved this once again with his response to her continued lies "It undermines my trust in you and makes it much more difficult for me to be sure of how you will react. I need to know that I'm not going to push you over the edge or put you in a situation you can't handle" was perfect. He has given her everything freely, safely, and asked for nothing from her...other for her to be herself when she's with him.

She is the problem. She is the liar. She is the one refusing to accept her true self. She is pushing him to do this. She refuses to simply say...no thank you (and mean it if she wanted it to stop). And more importantly she has never once said thank you (and meant it) thereby submitting honestly to him and changing their relationship dynamic.

So The Admin can only continue to push harder until she finally makes a choice. It still all about her, hopefully she will learn that before she breaks beyond the point of his ability to repair.

Now that being said, he did screw up by posting that file. Say what you want about the relative security of no one knowing the actual contents nor the URL but that was all kinds of wrong and he can no longer guarantee she is safe from exposure. And there is no recovery from that mistake. Yes even if the page/file view counts show zero. This was simply stupid and childish especially for someone who tomthat point was controlled, mature, and supposedly called The Admin. Remember it's files like this that forced her Into this complicated position with him, so why would he do this? Is he going to use it as more leverage? He doesn't need it, he needs to build TRUST. If he tells her about that file or shows it to her, he will lose all the trust he gained when he spoke to her at the begining of that dinner. And the words she spoke, "I still don't believe you. Someone who engages in this kind of behavior isn't trustworthy in my book. You've repeatedly threatened to expose me, and whilst I can't help the way my body reacts, I'm not going to salve your conscience by rubber-stamping your actions." which pissed him off will simple become facts instead of her irrational fears. Big mistake.

Because running through alleyways and across roads of a city at night with no shoes she is nearly guaranteed to have multiple bleeding wounds on her feet, that will almost certainly be full of bacteria. I know this is a fantasy story but still ignoring the reality of a setting is to much for my suspension of disbelief.

Leaving a woman naked on the road makes her vulnerable to rape. I've liked your story thus far, but i hope he either changes or she wisens up and leaves. Sends him to jail for preference.

Even if he only put it on his google drive, once it's on the internet, someone could get to it. He is an IT person, so he should know that. If I hack your google account, I could get to anything in your drive. So he did break the deal right there. Also, what happens next?

I commented on part 2 and mentioned dialogue. It seems to have improved in this part, although there are some slips. The last conversation with him ignoring her while she's outside is pretty well done, although I do think your dialogue is quite wordy.

Which brings me to the subject of this comment. I know it's a first person POV, and that the trap of interior monologue is harder to avoid in that type of story, but try and be mindful of how you use interior monologue.

If you have a scene of teasing, then the dialogue is the lifeblood of that scene. If you toss a whole paragraph of interior monologue or description after every other line, it breaks the scene for the reader. Just take a look at some of the conversation they have in the restaurant, at the ratio of dialogue to interior monologue and description.

Other than that, I wish you the best of luck with the story, you haven't picked the easiest of roads.

C&D

I have really liked your story so far! I think you should show him (the admin) as having at least some heart. Perhaps, somehow, he could watch over her travelling to the hotel to insure she doesn't get seriously hurt. Or not. I just feel like he has put her in serious danger now and I'm not sure where you're going with this story. Hopefully she can get him back at some point. That would be a great twist to the story.

Anyway. I can't wait for you to continue with their story. I gave you four stars rather than all five simply because it has no ending yet.