All Comments on 'The Holiday Trip'

I loved this, to the point and lots of lads dream.

You obviously made zero attempt at Proof Reading, which resulted in umpteen silly errors!!

Example - " "Let's go down here out of site," she suggested. - I presume you meant 'out of sight'?

Another example - "You said you this has happened before, what has you family said about other guys?" - nonsensical sentence!!

"Her father had made a homely set up by the fire place, with the cliché two chairs and round mat in the middle." Homely?? How ugly was it? "...the father approached me, he put his large hands out in the air and I shook it." Which one? "I could hear a creek at my door." Sure it wasn't a babbling brook?

This is so poor it's funny, sadly.

Though it sounds harsh, I thank you for being honest. My intentions were for my first story to be raw and have people give honest feedback without any other personalities helping with the creation. I don't plan on sending anymore unchecked work, and I also am new and have not found an editor's profile that I have liked so far, any suggestions?