by brunorivera
IT WAS A VERY GOOD STORY, BUT YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOUR ENGLISH SOME MORE. SOME PARTS WERE A LITTLE HARD TO UNDERSTAND UNTIL I REALISED YOU WERE NOT USED TO ENGLISH. THANK YOU FOR A GOOD STORY.
I'm thinking that English is unlikely to be your first language, and it may be that you don't live in a country where most people speak English most of the time. Do seek out someone who is more fluent in English to help you
As for your story, I like it. Keep writing!.