All Comments on 'The Humiliation Of Jen Ch. 03'

Hi Alfamann,

I was a little jarred by some of the language, it was obviously not written by an American. Went back and read the first chapter and saw you were a fellow Kiwi.

I would advise you work on improving the American idioms, they don't say "bloody" and, from the context, you seem to be using fanny to mean vagina, in the US it means bottom.

Otherwise, some very good prose, and you do an excellent job of first-person writing - something I usually find rather clunky.

My suggestion is, do some leg work and make Jen more convincingly American. You said she was based on a real person from Louisiana; that's an excellent resource to learn from.

While I agree with "knickers" comments, I still find the writing superb... the spanking from her angry and exasperated Mom was dead-on (I have been lucky enough to view several very similar to yours!)(not in any way sexual but SO exposing, especially to her lecherous Uncle Jimmy) and sets the stage perfectly for Uncle Jimmy to continue his enjoyment in humiliating and exposing our Jen's now-adult but still naive body and mind!! SO many possibilities!! I am sure you will 'help' Jen taste every new embarrassment (and eventual reluctant arousal?) possible!

Can't believe she didn't tell her parents about what her uncle had threatened about a spanking and shown them the cheerleader outfit she was given surely they would have put a stop to the whole thing then

The abuse of a young under age girl is not hot.