The Humper Game Pt. 02 Ch. 17

When I picked my head up, Ellen was looking at me with concern, too. "Painful talk with Jenny?" she asked, again so quietly I almost couldn't hear her. I just nodded. I didn't think I could talk just then. She also gave me a hug. She said in my ear, "I wish I could help. I love you, Phil."

"You do. And why aren't you crying on my shoulder? As far as I know now, you got dumped, with nothing definite about fixing it in the future, just as much as I did."

"Maybe. And maybe it's not as bad because I—well, I loved him and I still do, but I think nowhere near as much as you love Jenny."

We all three ate in silence for the rest of the meal, passing up opportunities to join in the conversations around us. Sam caught up and stopped eating quite so fast.

We got up before the signal, and went to separate lavatories. Before we went off, Sam told me, "Stop by Ellen's room on your way. We need to talk a little. If I'm not there, she may have something to tell you from that. If I'm there, we'll go on to my room pretty quickly, and if not you come along when you can." She kissed me goodbye, just a token peck, but it meant a lot to me right then.

So I hurried through the lavatory, and stopped by my room for some clothes and one other study-related thing I'd forgotten, and arrived the monitor's station just about as the signal sounded. There were at least a dozen other guys there waiting for the signal, too. Ms. Miller, looking displeased, said, "I need a word with you." She pointed to the other chair.

"OK, but I do have people waiting on me. At least two sets of them." I didn't mention that Sam was sort of in both.

"This will only take a minute." As the flow cleared, she said, still looking very severe, "First, a personal thank you for this afternoon's pleasant interlude. And Labelle is a very nice girl.

"Second, I'd hoped that you and O'Malley had gotten yourselves straightened out. I think there's nothing I can do to help, but you have my best wishes. And that's really all."

I told her, very quietly and looking down so nobody around could see my face, "I had one thing to say to you myself. Maybe it was just a coincidence, of course. But if you draw me every time you're an extra, some people will start thinking about how easy it might be for a class instructor to rig things a little. Slight of hand, well, that seems unlikely, but something on the little case detectable by touch seems possible. And at least one girl did comment on your having picked me two days in a row."

"I'd smile at that, except that I'm supposed to be a little upset with you. And I hope Labelle won't give me away about enjoying myself. But—Morris, just imagine trying to find one specific little sphere among hundreds, by touch, with something like what, a nick or notch in it? It was coincidence, pure and simple. But thank you for the warning. Sometimes girls let their emotions lead them to say or do things without thinking about the consequences. I've got you down for room 32, verbally noting a brief stop in Chan's room on the way. Go study." She waved me on. I was pretty sure I could rig something that would work well enough, if I worked at it awhile. Magnets? It could be coincidence, but I still doubted it.

Sam wasn't there when I got to Ellen's room. Ellen said, "What took you so long?"

"Waylaid by Ms. Miller. Later. Is there anything to pass on?"

"We talked. I need something definite, as far as you're concerned, I know nothing else is definite. If Jenny decides she's out of the running, is there anything else to keep me from being junior partner, as far as you're concerned? Sam says she would welcome it. We also have kind of a contingency plan, which we expect to spring on you without warning if needed. And if you're determined to stick with Sam only, or if there's someone else you want for number two, I want you to know that I'll accept most anywhere on your list. Right now, even half an hour or an hour every couple of weeks sounds like heaven to me, but I'd sure like more. And I think at this point Brian is out of the picture for me."

I hugged her, hard. "Ellen, I think you and Jenny are the only contenders. I again warn you that being my partner may not mean as much of me as you may be thinking. And I really, really don't want to ever have with you the dialog I had with Jenny Monday morning." I was starting to choke up again. "I'm not sure what I would do, but I don't think I could stand it all over again."

"Phil, you need to go study with Sam, and Jenny if she comes. I know you're already cutting it down a lot. Sometime, I'll get you again, one way or another, I trust. But get going now."

I kissed her goodbye. I said, "I love you, Ellen. I really do think it's more than anyone except Jenny and Sam." And with that I went out.

Studying did not go well. Jenny was, well, the metaphors that come to mind are things like 'frosty' and 'prickly,' and I was pretty sure the end of our last session was to blame. That was my doing, I knew, and I felt miserable about it. We didn't give it all that long. I thought we were all prepared for the rest of the week, from what we had done earlier.

Jenny got up to leave, and she came and stood in front of me. "Phil, what you said hurt a lot, but it wasn't uncalled-for," she said soberly. "I promise, without fail, I'll tell Brian tonight that I have to get more sleep. I think I need to promise like that because I'm so afraid of what he'll say that I'll chicken out otherwise. But I'm not sure—even if he agrees to allow for that, by now I'm not sure things will work anyway."

I went and hugged her, and this time she didn't push me away. She cried on my shoulder for a few minutes, and then said, in a very small voice, "Thank you. I thought I knew Brian, I thought I knew you, and I thought I knew myself. And I've landed us, you and me, in a big mess. I love you, but after Monday you really don't owe me anything. I'm so sorry. I'm to the point where I wish I could just die and not have to face it any more. And you've been willing to give me what I was willing to accept. Everything you said earlier was right, and I haven't been treating you right even tonight."

She turned to go, and I told her, "Jenny, I love you. We'll manage something, one way or another, if you're willing. But it does depend on you. And you have to tell me what you want."

She came back and hugged me again, then left.

Sam came and held me a moment. "Phil, I hate to say it, but you have to decide what you want, too."

I sighed deeply. "I know. I want to go back to last week and start over, too, except—I don't think I could change anything enough to make a difference. And I want to give you tonight, and tomorrow night, without Jenny intruding, and I don't mean physically, I mean like she is now, this minute. But I'm also afraid there will be another late-night knock on our door, and I hope I haven't pushed her away so hard she'll be afraid to come and knock." This time I was the one crying, and on Sam's shoulder. "I'd take her back as partner in a heartbeat, except—some trust got lost Monday morning. But I do mean it. I think."

"I'm tempted to say, I wouldn't love you if you weren't the kind who would say all that. That may not be true, but it really is a big part of why I love you. If she intrudes, we'll open the door and let her in and talk to her. And if she needs more, you're the one who can give it to her. And you will, in spite of what you told her."

When my tears ran down, we went off to the lavatory. We came back and made love, slowly, as if we had all the time in the world. And even though Sam was asleep before I was, I was asleep not much later than I would have been in that long-ago time before sex-ed week.

Of course, I woke up around 1:00, and had to wake Sam up so I could go to the lavatory. She went along, too. When we got back, she asked what I wanted next, and she was so sleepy that I told her just to go back to sleep. She gave me a quick hug and kiss and "I love you," and was asleep instantly. It really didn't take me much longer.

Thursday morning I woke just a few minutes before Sam's alarm would have gone off. I heartlessly woke her up so I could go back to the lavatory again. She had set the alarm with sleep, not sex, as the goal, which I had endorsed. We shaved, and took maybe five minutes cuddling and kissing with her in my lap, agreeing that it wasn't going further, no matter what. And, yes, there was a knock at the door.

Sam got up and let Jenny in. Jenny looked like the whole world had just crumbled to dust. She said, "I wanted to come by earlier, but I was afraid you'd be—"

"Screwing?"

"Well, yes. Anyway, I slept alone in my own room last night, in the end, after the arguing and shouting and crying were over. I was the only one crying. I would have come here then, except you were so definite about it being Sam's night. But I couldn't care less about running this morning, and I didn't want you to go out and wait in vain."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"One way or the other, I've got to. I've still got to make up my mind. I know what I want now, but I don't think it's available.

"Anyway, I told Brian I couldn't keep up the schedule we've been keeping. I've been in a fog for three days now, trying. I'd be literally falling asleep in class if I tried to keep it up.

"He said I was a whiner. I picked up with him, well, he invited me, and I have no idea how he knew I'd be open to it right then, but I did it because I wasn't getting enough time and attention from you—meaning, enough sex from you. And now, here I was, whining that I was having to have too much with him. I think I managed not to scream at him loud enough to wake up all his neighbors, this time, but he finally told me to quit whining and get in bed or collect my stuff and get out. So I got out."

She was crying again. Sam looked at me, and then got up and went over to Jenny, grabbed her hand, pulled her over to me, and pushed her down into my lap. I hugged her, hard, and she just leaned back against me and sobbed quietly.

Eventually, still sobbing, she said, "Phil, I'm so sorry. I had everything I needed with you—you and Sam both, I mean. I thought I was being clear that I was tired of arranging things for other girls when I wanted you for myself, but looking back I can see that was ridiculous—I was indirect and you thought I was kidding. Especially when I then arranged things without even consulting you.

"And the grass sure looked greener on the other side. So not only did I tear your heart to shreds, and I mean I stabbed you with what I said, I killed any chance for Ellen and Brian to work things out."

"You did no such thing!" Sam said heatedly. "You listen here! I've had time to talk to Ellen about it! Phil hasn't heard anything, but I have! It was like Brian changed into another person, somehow. It started to be all about him, what he wanted, and nothing else mattered. They left it officially open to try to fix it up, but she knows it isn't going to happen unless he hits some kind of crisis that changes him. Not the situation, him! So don't you dare blame yourself for that! If you don't believe me, we'll get Ellen in to tell you, later."

Somehow, that just made Jenny cry all the more. Finally, she sat up and looked at my face. "OK, Phil, you were right all along. And I want to be back where we were, and how could you ever trust me again? But I'll tell you something. If you say no to that, all I really ask is that you put me on your list. At the very bottom, right after all those kitchen girls, if that's where you want me. Give me a quickie once a month or something. I'll look around for someone else, sure, but it will be with that as a condition. Or several someones on a very occasional basis, I expect. I think all the good ones are firmly partnered like—like—like you. They're willing to go with someone else, maybe, but the good ones keep it honest and open if they have any regulars. Like you. I'm sorry I was so stupid. If I'd just really said, please, I need more of your time—and it should have been, Sam and I need more!—you would have cut back on the others. I know you. But I couldn't just ask, I wanted you to see without my asking, to do it without my saying one word. I'm sorry." And she leaned back against me again, and I cradled her against me.

Sam said, "Phil, I have suggestions, but I need Ellen here, and I'm sure she's out running. And I don't want to go out and flag her down, it probably would take too long. We'll have to get showered and get to breakfast soon.

"But can you tell me, now, what you think is the way to go? What you want? Jenny has said she wants be our partner again, but that she's willing to settle for almost anything. And I'm sorry, I didn't want to have this conversation without Ellen, she has a stake in it, but she's not here and we need to have it anyway."

And there was a knock at the door. Sam answered, and Ellen, dressed in gym clothes—probably yesterday's—and dripping with sweat from running, came in.

"I'm sorry, I've been stupid. I kept wondering why none of you were out there, and I suddenly realized what the answer must be. So. Sam knows what we had talked about. Has anything been decided? I don't know what the options are. I have no idea what Jenny has said or what she wants at this point." She sat down on the bed.

"Sam has just been saying that we needed you, but that since you weren't here we needed to discuss it without you. And now you're here, so we can at least talk. You need background, though.

"Jenny reports that when she told Brian she couldn't function without more sleep, he told her she was a whiner and to either take what she was offered or get out. And she got out. Is that a fair summation, Jenny?"

"That's pretty much it. You left out the arguing and shouting and crying."

"And she basically said what she wants is the status quo ante, but she'll settle for being anywhere on my list. If she's too far down, she'll try to fill in with anyone, any boy, who's available and meets her high standards. I think she means that I come first in that, unless someone really clicks, but we hadn't gotten to that. And Jenny, you know that may mean a lot of unpleasant trial and error? As in, 'you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find an enchanted prince?'"

"Yes, Phil. That's all exactly right. I won't be satisfied with once every month or two weeks, even if it's you, so I'll have to look around, and I know looking won't be much fun. But I really want that once a month, if that's all you'll give me. If you'll give me that much. Please."

"And Ellen, Sam spoke at length and with feeling when Jenny said she had torpedoed your chances of a reconciliation with Brian. She said it was already broken, and that it wouldn't get fixed unless Brian changed, not the situation but Brian. Is that accurate? Jenny needs to hear it from you, I think, and I only know what Sam said too, so I'd like to hear."

"Jenny, that's perfectly accurate. I don't know what happened with him. I'm pretty sure it really had nothing to do with me, much less with you, but what Phil says you said Brian said sounds just like him, now. He wasn't that way a week ago, or a bit more, but he is now."

"OK, Sam or Ellen or both of you. Sam's been giving us dark hints. I'm sorry, no. She did that, but she had just asked me what I wanted or thought appropriate or some combination of those two, I'm not sure. I'm feeling kind of stunned at the moment. I'll try to answer, though.

"Jenny, I love you. I'm afraid I don't trust you as much any more, though. Um. That's what I mean, but it sounds like something I don't mean. If we try to go back, I'll always be kind of wondering, will she think the grass is greener somewhere else again? Am I going to be told off and dumped without warning again? How does she really feel about things? And I'll try not to think that or let it affect me, but if anything ever seems, um, not quite right, if you come to run looking sleepy and tousled when you said you were sleeping by yourself, say, questions will pop up. I'm sorry, it will take a long time before that changes.

"And having Ellen, um, one night isn't very much, and it was a little rushed even so. But sitting with me at meals, all that. She was already someone I thought deserved more of my time and attention, enough so that I would have done something about it, except for her and Brian. Running and studying with her isn't such a good fit, but we can manage that somehow.

"But I'm not sure I can make my mind up right away. We've got to get moving. I suppose Sam and Jenny and I can manage without showers—lots of folks do—but I feel like I need one, and for sure Ellen can't. Sam or Ellen, can you state your proposal quickly enough, before shower time is really underway, so we'll be able to get breakfast and get to class, too?"

"It's really pretty simple, but we know there will be details thrash out," Sam said. "And we all have to sign off on the basic idea, now more or less, and eventually on the details. But here goes.

"Phil, Jenny comes back as partner. Ellen comes in as partner, also. We work out a schedule, it will have to allow for changes any time, but it gives each of us at least one night a week, probably two most of the time. And if someone gets shorted, we recognize it and make it up.

"We're all determined to get enough sleep to function. This will mean really and honestly moving bedtime up an hour, almost every night. Even so, after that it's going to be just sleeping or maybe a quickie. And, well, the three of us get first claim to any, um, afternoon study breaks.

"So you're going to have to seriously cut back on handing out extra time all the time to others. We don't mean you get none. Ellen and I figured we'll allow you one night, a Friday or Saturday night at that, and if classwork allows we thought one or two or maybe even sometimes three afternoon breaks. Every week, I mean. Those need to be longer than quickies, but they have to fit into the time available.

"Does anyone, especially Phil, see any big objections? Phil, the big limits are on you, so you especially have to really agree."

I said, "You're right, the details matter. Not objections, but—we'll have to see how the scheduling works. And I warn you, there are a couple of nights—no, three I think—I owe some people, already. And, well, Jenny and Sam have had a tendency to schedule me and then tell me about it. That's not acceptable. I need to be asked first. Sometimes, if we were with someone, one or both offered time I was expecting with them to someone else. Again, ask me before offering. In general, I haven't had any complaints with the results—I just want to be asked first."

Jenny said, "What Sam said is more than I deserve, and I think I'll say yes no matter what details get spelled out. I'll have to see, but I can't imagine turning this down. Phil, the three nights you feel you owe someone, please say who it is. I absolutely won't say no, I just want to know."

"Actually, three nights but four girls. Barbara Wilson and Nancy, and Barbara said they'd share if they had to but that she really wanted a whole night herself and she was sure Nancy did too. And then, Ellen—Manning I mean—asked for a night, but said she and Deedee would be willing to share. For that, I really need to make sure we start early enough that there's time to do some justice to both."

Ellen said, "We do need to keep in mind that next week all three of us will be having our periods. And all the girls you mentioned, of course." The other two nodded, and I kicked myself for not having kept count. Not that it mattered, that week would come whether I remembered it or not.