All Comments on 'The Huntress'

The absolute best story I

have read for the past year.

a bit over the top, but considering the premise it was to be expected.

Sporadically entertaining, and not a bad premise, but too big a concept for a single story/chapter, so it feels rushed, clipped, and trimmed down to where the story is mostly told in intercut. You should have taken your time, perhaps you'll consider redoing this one day and actually taking your time instead of racing to the sex. Still 3 stars, which is a 'like', but it could have been much better. There was no hint she was a mother until her son suddenly appeared, no lead-in, nothing really, it's like you suddenly decided 'time for the incest' so wrote him in. Hopefully you'll retell this one day and pace it the way it should have been done, and create a proper back-story. Good, but also disappointing in many ways.

incredible the best thing is u didn't bring a threesome what most of the writer do . great a little rushed but great a 5 star

I was expecting the two women to make it a three some, could that be another chapter?

There's not really any particular thing to point to, but the overall story just seemed to fall a little flat, or maybe it was just missing something. I do think you invested an awful lot of time on the Bea character for what was ultimately a relatively minor role. I might have enjoyed the story more if "she" had played a more significant part. A threesome with Luis, maybe, as another comment suggested, or at least a more emotionally attached lover for Sandra.

http://traveltoparadise.com/no-snakes-in-hawaii-is-it-true/

read up haole

To the anon SO incredibly upset and offended that i included a snake in a story that takes place in Hawaii:

Mai ho'opihoihoi, e noho i ka hau'oli.

I remember commenting on one of your other stories that you should do more pure incest stories that aren't woven into your web of characters (not that I don't like it when you mix it with interracial, just that when it becomes almost automatic it loses something). I'm glad to see that you giving that a try. On the whole this is a solid story but not quite up to your usual standard. I think the main issues are as follows:

1. Hiding the fact she had a son from the readers until she meets him in the middle was a mistake. It feels a little cheap to reveal that like a twist when there was no way for the reader to know of his existence. I would refer to The Long Absence: Ted’s Story, where to did a similar twist but it was handled much better with a greater degree of suspense.

2. The sex was rushed. This ties into problem one, the audience is not given enough time to actually get to know these two has mother and son before the rush into bed.

3. Bea gets a lot of focus and character development for a character who in the end gets pushed utterly aside in the second half. It stands out even more because of the son's lack of development.

Now there are many things I do like in this story:

1. The Writing was excellent. I was able to get a clear picture of the island and the events taking place.

2. Sandrah personality was well developed. I got a an excellent sense of who she was and what motivated her. It's clear why she ends up doing what she does even if it was a little rushed.

To summarize: I would like to see more stories like this from you, just remember that in the end the son mother relationship is usually central to your stories and a stronger focus must be used to develop it (Which you normally do quite well might I add)

A good story with good plot development. As a romantic who thoroughly enjoys erotic literature, I would like to make the following comments. (1) Character development could have been more in-depth. (2) It is a shame they had to be drunk to make love. (3) There seemed to be no intimacy, passion nor sensual sexuality. (4) There simply was no romance.