All Comments on 'The Innocence of Sisterly Incest Pt. 01'

Just the sheer number of ..., — and () seems like half the story.

Great story!

Love the topic and while the flowery language took some getting used to, I found I didn't hate it. As others have pointed out however, you should rewrite the parentheses and similar breaks, so that those portions become part of the story. As they are, they're a constant distraction from it instead.

I'm sorry but your story is very hard to read. The concept is nice but it is full of exposition. You frequently remind the reader over and over that the two are sisters. Then the characters seem to need to remind each other as well. The dialogue doesn't seem natural. It is all rather forced (and not in the good way).

Beyond all of that, your formatting goes against nearly every rule of grammar. I am not trying to be mean, I really do think the premise is good, I just believe your writing needs work.

I hope to see a rewrite soon.

This prose is so purple that, when I look away from the screen, I see green.

The content was very hot, the plot was alright for pure smut, but the flow of the story fell flat. There are at least 3 things you can do differently.

First and foremost, you overuse punctuation, namely, parentheses, hyphens, and brackets. These are all good tools when used sparingly, but when overused like this, they detract from the immersion of the story. This also made it difficult for me to read, as it took about 5 minutes just to understand your writing style. By the end, I was completely ignoring the punctuation and that instantly made the story twice as easy to digest.

Second, you nearly constantly interject after-thoughts into the story using said parentheses and brackets. These after-thoughts and side notes, though descriptive, interrupted the flow, demanding attention for the tiny, near wholly unneccessary details when I was trying to enjoy the story. These after-thoughts, same as the punctuation, are useful tools when used sparingly and woven into the fabric of the tale rather than patching up tiny holes that I wouldn't have noticed otherwise.

Third, you overuse complex words. It's obvious that you have a vast vocabulary and as a writer that's a damn good thing to have, but if it makes the story too complex, it might deter readers from a good story. For example, I had to stop reading and look up the word helve. As someone who is trying to enjoy some futa twincest, I don't want to have to stop fapping to look up a word I don't know. I might be one of only a handful of people who would do this, but the point stands.

I can definitely tell you have the potential for fantastic work. I recommend that you make these changes to your writing style and maybe get an editor until you get the hang of improving the flow of your stories.

My biggest piece of advice: Less is more.

I'm unsure if it is normal for Literotica authors to comment on their own works. Forgive me if I'm being unorthodox.

I have nothing to say in my defense in regards to being pretentious or verbose. Maybe I am. However, the grammar is accurate.

I'm not doing a rewrite, and most of my recently written stories will be written similarly to this (give or take the subject matter, story-telling, etc).

I will say this: It isn't written to be complicated or flowery. Far from it, in fact. It's written to be a courtesy to your eyes and brains. What we think and speak is oftentimes more elaborate than what we usually write or type (because it's more convenient not to write realistically - in other words, we're lazy). Expressing these realistic or "complex" ideas in text requires one to use more than just commas. Semicolons string multiple thoughts together and separate them from thoughts that require their own localized commas. Em dashes (not hyphems) indicate interruptions, interpolations, and etc that don't break from the writing but are naturally thought and spoken all the time in a flowing stream of words. Parentheses serve a similar function, and I oftentimes use them (and brackets) to make it easier to read many related and flowing thoughts as one rather than have too many em dashes close together where it's utterly indecipherable what is localized where and why.

Read it aloud. Pay no attention to the presentation, but the words themselves and how they interact with each other. It is all a flowing stream of consciousness and story-telling. Each punctuation mark has its place to make it as fluent to read and understand as possible. It's not to make it complicated or flowery, but to simplify it and make a great expression of detail, specificity, and fluency as comprehensible and as natural to process as possible.

Thank you.

This story just begs for LOTS more to follow, PLEASE !

I've read your comment in defense of your work and I can't help but notice that you don't have what it takes to grow as a writer. You seem to consider that almost all types of criticism is not in any way constructive and just flat out ignore them while screaming at the top of your lungs, "Bitch, my writing is praise worthy already." Well, it's not. The idea in your plot maybe yes, but not your work.

Your grammar (which may or not be as accurate as you say it is) and style are just giving me (and possibly a few others) a head ache.

While I admire your hand in attempting the "stream of consciousness" style of writing (that style already exists in a very different way as to how you attempted it), but it's just not working at all. I admire that you're trying to pull off a "new" style but you refuse to believe that it is currently a failure. One thing I learned in my Literary Criticism class is that if you want to deviate from the currently existing styles and create your own, there has to be a form of harmony to make it work. This piece doesn't have that.

Instead of coming off as a stream of consciousness it just turned into a stream of forced thoughts that says, "Hey, look at me! I'm being pretentious at fighting myself in my head even though this is not my ordinary thought pattern." You using highfalutin words in attempt to cover up a mess just makes things worse and confuse more readers in the process. The thought patterns and dialogues don't even match up to your characters' overall personalities.

All I ask of you is that you practice and master the standard writing styles BEFORE attempting to create your own. You can break every rule in writing you want but you have to know them all before breaking them, otherwise fail.

I hope you understand that without the readers, a writer is nothing; it's not a one way road.

If you say that you write for yourself alone, don't bother posting them (they are for your eyes only, no?). If you write for fun only, why the heck are you so defensive about you grammar and style when you could just say that you're not serious about writing? If you're writing for praise, you have to realize that that's only one side of the coin; no criticism comes only as positive. If you write simply because it's a passion, why do you seem to not understand what constructive criticism is and for?

http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation_rules.asp

Instead of selfishly pleasuring myself to your erotica (that will come later, I assure you) I decided to simply read this work. As the title to my comment states, I came from your latest erotic short story, where I think your unique style was a bit more refined.

My expectations were met, though, which rarely happens. Usually authors have one or two good works under their belt and a mess of mediocre -or even bad- shorts that they produce. I'm about to go check out your other works, but I'm already a huge fan.

- TBP

Really liked this story. Very interesting style and a very simple plot done well. Thanks for the hard work

Also, didn't see the lane debate raging about grammar. This isn't a piece of journalism or a corporate memo. It is erotica and, therefore, style is the authors prerogative. Don't apologize or justify. Write the way that makes you feel good.

Why are you using all of the unnecessary parentheses and the like it makes it hard to enjoy the story.

Not only is this an exciting, touching, emotional, conflicted story - it is so well written. Much admiration of both content and style from this reader. Perhaps it is because you are trans yourself that you can add that extra compelling touch. I shall seek more of your work. Norma Jane.

Still a certified classic. Wish there was a part 2.

Pretentious, for sure. Verbose, absolutely. Futa's have pussies. Trans women don't. Gave me a headache.