All Comments on 'The Intruder'

The illustrations leave everything to the imagination. Thanks!

Option #2 keep story line going.

Option 1 and keep going

Hubby cuckold this could get Extremely twisted if both pay intruder with out the other knowing

good thing are the drawings. the rest of the story is not new. as for the endings choose your dumb cliche yourself. the biggest waste is the time invested for such a lame , used storyline

So I have to give you a 5 for effort and content. It pissed of the asshole of LIt, dear annony, so it has to be a good read!!

Nicki lay awake in bed recounting the events that had unfolded earlier. Arthur had a hard time sleeping as well, but somehow sleep came to him and he drifted off.

(phone buzzing)

Nicki picked up her phone and saw a text message.

TYRONE (X): Did he buy the whole act?

NICKI (Y): Yes he did.

TYRONE (X): He going to the 5-0?

NICKI (Y): No. I convinced him not to.

TYRONE (X): LOL. What a wimp. He never knew that we planned this. For someone smart he's incredibly stupid.

NICKI (Y): He doesn't need to know. At least not now.

TYRONE (X): I'll see you at my place on Monday?

NICKI (Y): I'll be there at the usual time. ;)

Nicki pressed her huge breasts into Arthur's back, knowing full well she could get the fucking she craved and still keep the man she's come to love. Life was good, as she reached around and felt Arthur's stiff penis, not a cock really, and debated in her mind whether to stroke him off or suck him off. She decided to give him a morning wake-up in thanks, maybe even a slow, oily titty fuck afterwards, as she drifted off to sleep.

Arthur felt his phone buzz on the nightstand, and quickly silenced it before it awoke Nicki. He noticed that he had a text message, one he'd been expecting..

TYRONE (X): Did she buy the whole act?

ARTHUR (Y): Yes, she did.

TYRONE (X): She let you know I seduced her?

ARTHUR (Y): No, I don't think we need to worry about that. She's a good girl.

TYRONE (X): When do I get my money?

ARTHUR (Y): I will call you on Monday and we can arrange a meet.

TYRONE (X): I'll be waiting for your call.

ARTHUR (Y): You know the second time is going to fry her circuits.

TYRONE (X): Especially when I pull your pants down, and your little dickey just gets all excited from watching her blow me in right in front of your fucking face.

ARTHUR (Y) Make her lick it up and kiss me with our cum in her mouth.

TYRONE (X): I'll do better that that Boss. Next time you're gonna have to clean my cum out of her twat every time I fuck her all night long.

ARTHUR (Y): GoDDAMn, Tyrone, you're a dirty mother fucker! Glad to see my investment in that prison rehab project didn't go to waste!

TYRONE (X): God bless my kinky fucking benefactor! See you Monday!

Did not enjoy this story line been done a hundred times or more the black guy with the large penis gets the white girl while he boyfriend watches give us a break!!!!

Don't take your critics too much to heart: at Annapolis, 'the Gouge' is the 'school solution' to a problem, and if you give your professors anything else, you'll lose points. The Gouge here is that our plumbing still works the same way it did when Adam pumped Eve. Why have incest and adultery (talk about hackneyed) remained our most cherished taboos, from the old testament to Literotica's All-Time most-read story list today? They still arouse lust because they're tried and true, but yours could be better.

Focus your efforts on making your take on the story stand out in a crowd;make it 'new and improved', like 'green detergents' and 'biodegradable plastics' - mostly hype, but the environmentally conscious among us still wash clothes with soap and walk around with plastic bags and bottles, don't we? Be decisive; choose one ending and then set your 'victims' and 'perp' on collision courses with that conclusion before the intruder ever arrives. You may want to give us a glimpse of the victim's fantasies and fears, the intruder's personality and lusts, before he shoves his cock in the blonde - hey, he's got a life, too.

Describe the details of the assault, and character dialogue to build sexual tension, we write like we speak. Help us hear and feel the characters' terrors, their pains, their arousals, their shames and their lusts. Sure, the plot is still 'insert tab A in slot B', but check out the way some of the better authors (especially the women) use word choices to transform the process from mechanically accurate to tenderly surrendered, desperately needed, or fearfully dreaded. Let the reader wait for the money shot, build each new moment afresh, then search out synonyms online for words or phrases that repeat themselves in your prose, robbing the story of texture and color and making it boring 'tab A in slot B'.

Overall you've got a good story, Fernandez. Regards, An Excited Reader.

Great story and great pictures fantastic over all please write another soon

True, the premise of the story has probably been done before but it was an interesting story to have had 2 endings. Option 3 given by craigool is also a really good alternative! Well done!

The better option would have been her unlocking him and him throwing her down kissing her moving down her body and eating the cum right from her ass. next time the intruder showed up he could have sucked that big cock hard before inserting it into her ass and licking and sucking his balls while she gets fucked

If you're going to use craigool's ending and have Arthur sucking the cum from his girlfriend then why not have him also suck a load direct from that BBC and then get fucked by it?

There has to be some reason that Arthur is helping former prisoners and it's hardly likely that a black thug would be a computer programmer. Even if he's not a former prisoner, with ending #2, what does Arthur get out of it?

Either way, you still need a write at least one more chapter......

It was a interesting story and like how you gave us a chance but i believe you should go with both. What if they both arranged what happened and don't know the other arranged it as well.

Doesn't matter which option. Unpleasant people doing a Penthouse Forum scene. Neither ending offers anything new

It was only a freaking dinning room table... A slight lift with his shoulders, and he would have been free. He waits until the intruder has under his girl, scoots his hands under his butt, grabs the gun that was conveniently dropped on the floor, and shoots his ass. He's now a hero in the media and makes even more money. Then the intruders family sues him for wrongful death even though it was obvious there was just cause, wins all his money, he looses the girl, commits suicide, and the world moves on with its full head long rush into hell. The only winners here are the lawyers because when the family of the intruder wins the money, the piss poor area of town they live in finds out. They all die in their own home invasion, the new crooks take there loot to their meth lab to celebrate, get high, and blow themselves up. They're all dead, the money is gone and no one gives a tinkers damn.

I finally took a break from writing myself to read this smutty story. While the plot may have been done a million times, it still remains a hot taboo subject. I'm not sure if it's the men that are complaining because they think it's wrong, or perhaps they feel the anguish of the nerdy guy on a personal level.

As a woman, rape is one of the top fantasies a lot of us have, believe it or not. It's all about being over powered and used as a fuck toy. Anyway, I liked the story. The illustrations were cool for an added boost. The only things I would change would be to make it rougher, more forced, maybe add some ass to mouth, but that's just my taste in smut. Oh, and it's CUMMING not cuming. ;) I look forward to reading more of your work.

... enough said.

Next chapter please.....

Don't give too much of a gap.

Excellent pictures....

Nicely done...we agree with julycuming, rape/submission fantasies (emphasis on fantasy) are a lot of fun.

Enjoyed the story! I like both ending options, but I don't quite understand the second one. Why would Arthur pay someone to attack his girlfriend? What does he get out of that? Option 1 makes more sense, although is a little more cliche than Option 2. But I loved the story and the illustrations, nicely done!

I enjoy ending 2 more. There is so much more you can add on to this one. Keep up the good work.

i didnt lik ending 1 or 2… why couuldnt she have actually gotten raped whd

they have to be a bunch of sick fucks?

Option 2 is a better choice. Kinky, freaky

Either ending works. Lets see some follow ones to it.

I like opion ending 1 and also He could then turn onto Arthur and fuck him too that would be a good spin on things. I like the fact that The intruder had a big black dick and she was really getting fucked.

the hero who got 5 good men killed. gave this a 5

Great story and would recommend the ending where she is the one that set it all up. And she convinced him of liking it and actually going out to find the next BBC for her.

monkey should never be in charge of plans. TK U MLJ LV NV

Great story by the way, 5stars for me.

I love a good BBC story. Graphics were hot.

I'd love to read many more stories like this one. Illustrated, of course. Thank you.

So fucking hot!

Average big black dick story forcing a white woman.

Ending # 3 Nicki realized she was with a sissy wimp so she kicked him to the curb and left her doors and windows unlocked waiting for the day Tyrone would come back and fuck her again. He showed up three nights later with two of his pals. 8 hours later Nicki was so sore she couldn't walk, sit or talk and he was pregnant, about to become a single mom. Tyrone laughed and laughed when she told as she cried. He dumped her skank ass for another stupid white whore.

Great story and art work. Also really liked the choice of an ending. Really enjoyed it.