All Comments on 'The Island'

What car crash, and how can a body be full of sand?

Could have been good.

I thought it was alright. Just needed a bit more editing. I'd like one of these kinds of stories to continue but it feels like negative reviews kill it before they gain traction. Keep on writing and I'll keep on reading

More editing, but it has promise

How many of the women will he have to service before they take him off the movie set?

Great idea, but it need improvement. There is alot of build up and then very little actual love making. Although it's realistic it doesn't make for the best story. Also, get an editor

YOUR/YOU'RE

if "your" could be replaced with "you are" in a sentence, it should be "you're", not "your", as in these quotes from this chapter:

I just noticed your not looking too good

Well, your right, I just, had a bad day I guess

If your there then it is

Well it's just your a beautiful woman

your covered up and that's all that matters

CAR CRASH?

At one point, your main character thinks about a CAR crash. Shouldn't this be a PLANE crash?

FLOOR?

On at least two occasions, you refer to the "floor". Unless the island is tiled and/or carpeted, I think you mean the "ground".

A competent editor could/should catch these problems (and more), improving your story's readability.

-Rei

First impressions... great concept, good writing, and you didn't wander. You need an editor, though. Nobody gets it perfect unless they're an english major, and you need the spit and polish that a good editor can help you achieve. Keep at it man, I enjoyed this.

I think the the previous comments said it all, looking forward to chapter 2

"She must've either died in the car crash " I thought it was a plane crash? " he slid his finger into her warm, moist clit, a stark contrast to the chilly water" The "clit" is not something you can slide a finger into.

Look, I know this is free, and I appreciate the effort, but perhaps it would be a good idea to wait to write this epic until you either A, have sex, or B, learn how to properly identify parts of the human body, especially female anatomy, with which you don’t seem to be too familiar.

The women act like sex slaves. Not because anyone makes them, no beatings or real punishments. The women act like sex slaves because that's how they were reared. The men just act like guys, hanging out, fishing, bringing in a wild boar. But the women just doted on the men. Every erection is immediately taken care of by the nearest female with no jealousy. Kylie is expected to take care some random Male near her. She is hesitant but other females just kneel next to her and " help" her until she is deepthroating the guy. Somehow this turns into all of them fucking her one after the other until she has no modesty, a "I don't want to be fucked straight for 6 hours" attitude. Jake is taken on a hunt and knows nothing about it. Every time she has the least amount of hesitancy she gets fucked train style until she just does it so she only has to do one guy. All the girls "help" her with no violence they just kiss her and get her horny until she's fucking away and there is a train of guys ready for their turn.

That's it? What happens next? Is this story still in progress or is it only one-shot?

Please for the love of all that is good use a spell checker and a grammar checker. You have no idea what the difference is between your and you're.

I'm not sure if you know this, but you need to be 18 to post here. Not some 13 school drop out.