All Comments on 'The Lady & the Stallion'

... fucking illiterate?

for effort and content

The sensuality comes through nicely. A few off-putting notes: The level of “dreamy” language you are attempting to use is jarred by the use of “ass.” There are less crass choices for the level of language here. A few problems (but not many) with grammar. In “His hand probed even further clutching her mound,” there should be a coma before “clutching.” The “2” of “2 fingers” should be written out (“two fingers”). A run-on sentence occurs here: “. . . little mare" he began . . .” Not all dialogue is punctuated correctly. Two issues with content that stopped the flow of writing for me. I couldn’t see how she could turn from where she was to see his dick enter her, and I couldn’t see how he could ride her hard and pump her slowly at the same time. Other than that, I thought it was quite sensual.

As noted already, some grammatical and editorial glitches do detract some, but I tend to be forgiving - we all leave mistakes in stories from time to time (you'll often find those who complain the most, write the least or not at all).

Wasn't sure about the stallion mare thing, to be honest. I was beginning to wonder if I had wandered into a fantasy land by mistake, with a unicorn hiding in the glade.

I thought the story did what it wanted - it created an atmosphere and was sexy too. Nice!

There is something very erotic about her being mounted and the reference to a stallion; maybe it is just me. I enjoyed it and wish there were more chapters.