All Comments on 'The Lake'

Wasn't to bad. Could've had better character development and had more flow. It's missing the reflection that defined their first encounter. All in all if you decide to continue this Story and I think you should and give them a chance to stay together.

Also find an editor who can check for errors plus give you possible ideas to include.

I agree with Gebob69 that this could use some more character development, and perhaps a fuller explanation of how their relationship started. Such development gives us a better understanding of why the characters currently do and say the things they do. Also, unintentional omission of words was a bit troublesome, but didn't affect the meaning being conveyed. But then, if this is just the beginning of a series, there is plenty of time for reflection, development, and correction later.

Here on Literotica, I enjoy the work of the more cerebral writers most of all. Your inclusion of poetry in the mix gives more depth and emotion to the story, and, after all, love is the greatest of all human emotions.

Keep up the good work. This story has great potential for future chapters, especially if you continue the more cerebral vein with which you started.

All the build up and then he pulls out

There is nothing wrong with incest romance honey, as long as both are consenting adults. There is no reason they can't be a couple, as a shemale, my dad and me were. I became his wife at 19 on New Years eve. No regrets.

Short on some technical aspects, but the writing was great. Unlike most of the morons who post here you can actually spell and use proper grammar. That alone is refreshing. Keep it up... 5 stars from me!

Only reason why I didn't give it a 5 was that it needed a more definitive ending. Do they have a future together or not? Just two more sentences could have brought it home so perfectly. Still a very great story.

Needed more but like someone said all that build up and he pulls out total rubbish

One of the better stories, not too long but well written. He pulled out so his love didn't get with child, it was too early in their new relationship. This is his sister not some whore off the street.

P.S. I hate stupid comments.

kinda short but very pleasing would love to read a follow up

Your writing is descriptive, interesting, and enjoyable to read. This had the potential to be one of the better stories I've read recently except that I felt it was far too short. It would have been better if you had taken your time to flesh it out more and really explore things. Build to the sex more slowly. Include some foreplay. You've got talent, but at less than a page this feels way too rushed.

as said by others needs a lot more background on them and a lot more character development plus the end sucked. this should have been chapter two of three or four not a stand alone story. think about deleteing and rewriting it adding the beginning and end nobody likes to read less than half a story.

I thought you did a nice job of developing the background and getting them into now, begs for sequels though

it was a cool night in august and is walk in my sister room and she said she was cold and then i started fucking her a lot and i played with her 44dd poops and then i started to fuck her in her pussy and i was in her and then i cum in her and now she is going to have some kids now and my mom and dad was OK with that and and she is very hot all the time and we have sex at least three times a day.

you posted a third of a story and expect rave reviews. you deserve NOTHING, either post several more chapters or delete the story as is it is a waste of time. the next chapter could have some background on them and have them take over the lake resort from the old lady and live as husband and wife. NEVER post a partial story, IF you had any brains you would have written the whole story out in rough form including chapter breaks BEFORE posting anything. if you did it that way you could edit and post one chater a day/week and the readers wouldn't get left hanging. writers here need to start showing some respect for the readers if they want respect back from them, you have totally disrespected the readers by posting less than half a story.

Okay, here’s where I make up for shitting on your head for the age-thing. This has been one of the sweetest stories I’ve ever read and the way you used the work to platform a few beautiful theories/thoughts, the way you built up to them, was really something. For the life of me I cannot understand what is supposed to be wrong with the ending. It is self-explanatory that the two of them are going to be together from then on and make others vomit with their Hallmark Card photo moments and all the nasty shit people associate with love. Everything else that you mentioned as part of their history (e.g. their first love-making session) was dealt with by innuendo and prompting abstract thinking. The story wasn’t spooled around their history. It was concentrating on the first night spent together after receiving the freedom to be able to address the question that was so impossible to realize that they never even mentioned it, neither entertained the thought - whether they wanted to enter into a committed relationship or not. I also understood, and I hope this was the case - the history you gave to be more of a vehicle to convey how, although they had forced themselves to remain apart, traumatic events drove them back into the arms of the only other person who could give them comfort during such times – or I’ll be feeling pretty stupid roundabout now. The personality traits necessary to cater to these scenarios were all present. Although this story was written in unfettered and plain English, it succeeded in catching me off-guard with my emotional response which was altogether pleasing. The sex-scene was also up to scratch. Well, it scratched my itch, if that is what is needed to make some good erotica. It was short, but extremely powerful. I am in love with this story. I wish it was a man so I could point and say: “Oh, oh, there goes one! Told you they exist!”

He didn't cum in her. Cheap fucker!