All Comments on 'The Legal Problem: The Beginning'

First, the story isn't that great. Generic and bland. Second, it's not written very well, and the conversations are frighteningly formal but at the same time, sophmoric. Kind of like Jane Eyre meets "The Three Young Bears Go On a Picnic". Third, as another critic has already mentioned, either English isn't your first language, or you're simply someone who speaks the language poorly.

I'm guessing English is not your 1st. language. You need to edit & proofread your product otherwise it's a mishmash!

It would take lots of work to rewrite this mess so it made sense. Too many errors to even make a list. Get and editor and take a course in English.............

First, I know that you were not educated in the U.S. or Canada. Your punctuation looks to be similar to that of England but your writing pattern suggest West Indies.

Second, is that some critics can be very harsh, and that is especially true of those who post as Anonymous. That being said, there are truths in some of their comments. I also found myself wanting to skip ahead as another commented, but decided to stick it out none the less.

This site contains some excellently written stories in many different categories by numerous authors that may benefit you in your future endeavors as a writer if you would take the time to read them and study the way they are constructed.

I believe you have the possibility of being a good writer in the English language, but that is something that takes practice. I would suggest that before you attempt to continue this story, that you first read and study, "How to Punctuate Like a Pro" by KillerMuffin. Link: http://www.literotica.com/s/how-to-punctuate-like-a-pro

There are other resources for you also here on Literotica in the resources section under Stories & Pics.

I also suggest you write a story that you can have a friend read that you can trust their opinion for honest feedback, but someone that has a better education or writing skills than you. Write something non-erotic and ask them to help you develop your skills. Lastly, keep writing and before you submit another story, get an editor. Good luck.

I don't like to discourage but this story was impossible to read let alone enjoy. Please there are proof readers and editors available on this site so use them. I can see there is some talent so continue to write your stories just get the help you need. Just ignore the worst of the negative comments as these belong to people who won't even try to post a story of their own.

Please continue to write. You have a different approach that I think is worth developing. Please take the suggestions in the other comments in the spirit that most were given; as constructive criticism. It can be very upsetting at times, especially in the way the criticism is expressed.

I hope that you will be able to work through your story a few more times, adapting and improving your writing skills.

Good luck!

Some of the language is not normally used in typical American language.

Like using the word in, (setting in the couch) instead of (setting on the couch). Both are correct, but using the word "in" in some instances is not normally used in the American language.

That's just one instance, and there were a lot of places an editor could help clean up.

I certainly hope that he don't throw away what he has with Carla because of his sister Sara, after all she dumped him 8 years ago, unless they get together with Carla, Jason. Then it would be Sara, Rob,Carla and Jason all having a love affair together.

I hope to see more soon.

Thanks for the read..

The second part will soon appear in the site.

As an avid reader of mutually consensual incestuous love stories, this is a unique story. I like indepth character development. I usually read more into the story than most people. I think about the psychological, emotional, and psychiatric ramifications/effects on the characters. I think about the character's self-assuredness, self-esteem, ego and id. Because this story involves someone who would be classified as "depressive borderline suicidal" I understand the lapses in mental process/storyline; however, sometime I can not adjust for nor fill in the mental/conservational gaps in this story. Regardless of the minor short falls, I can not wait to read the remaining chapters. 5 stars without reservations.