The Light Within Ch. 03

I kept my head down and jogged through huge puddles that were forming until I stood next to the hole. It looked like it had burrowed into the mottled fungal earth. So, so gross.

"You want me to go in there? How do you know it belonged to the dead thing? How do you know it lived alone? That there aren't...larva or something waiting in there?"

"Trust me, Jayn. Can you not feel the electricity in the atmosphere? It is dangerous to stay out here. Get in."

It would have been a lot easier to crawl in feet first but there was no way in hell I wasn't going to see what was coming. The hole was so narrow I could barely squeeze my hips or bloated stomach in and I had to wiggle and shift my way down. My toes touched the bottom of the burrow and I let out almost a scream of relief that I couldn't feel anything weird or gross at the bottom.

"You'll have to shift your shoulders to fit properly,"Perikos whispered. "If you shift your weight onto your left side you can move your right arm down to your side. That should give you enough space for your shoulders and still leave you a hand free to eat and in case of emergencies."

It didn't give me much range of motion though. I'd be very lucky to get out of here without help the way I was wedged. The fungus around me was slick and wet and while it squeezed at my belly, hips and shoulders, it also gave me zero purchase.

The thunder very nearly deafened me again the lightening picked up. I ended up just squeezing my eyes shut so I wouldn't keep flinching. What if lightening struck the bank and the moist fungus carried the charge all the way to me? Did mushrooms conduct electricity?

Something inside me started to cramp and twist and I felt my body try to relax before my brain could catch up. I felt a slick, dense tendril form slide out of me, gripping my pussy lips to pull himself out. I felt him slide down my leg and settle between my feet for a moment. He curled between my toes and around my ankles.

"If I feel a charge coming I will redirect it,"Perikos murmured, as he twisted himself around my calves and knees.

"You can do that?" I sighed as he rubbed himself against my legs. "Are you strong enough? Are you feeling okay? Is it dark enough?" Which was stupid really, of course it was dark enough or he wouldn't have left.

"I will be strong enough soon,"his tune sounded warm, husky. Excited."This will be interesting. I have restrained you many times before but I have never allowed anything else to restrain you. I've instructed you to arrange yourself such that you can't move forward or shift your hips without assistance."

I swallowed hard.

"You are extremely moist,"said Perikos. I felt a thick, hard tendril slide between my thighs and come to rest right below, so near that the slightest movement from him would have parted my lips wide.

"Of course I am. It's raining." My attempt at nonchalance failed utterly as I panted hard, trying to squeeze my hips down a little lower, to force him into me.

"Silly Shade, you need me to penetrate you. To split you open and feed until you lose all sense of time, don't you?"

"What?" I knew he was speaking, even knew what he was saying but the words had so little meaning. I was afraid I would burst out of my skin. The itch inside me ignited and burned until it hurt. Still, what was the point in begging when he needed it more than I did? I didn't need to feel even weaker, even more pathetic. He would take me and I would come again and again, all without acting anymore like a bitch in heat than I already was.

Maybe Perikos had access to my thoughts now, which was in itself a scary prospect. Either that or he read me like an open book. I felt the tendril part my lips enough to tease, enough to prompt a new batch of wiggling and grinding from me while never actually entering me. "If it is not that important to you, Little Shade, there are always alternatives. Where were we before the Kragosi ships interrupted us?"

I flinched as lightening sliced the sky overhead and the extra few seconds it took me to process what he said was enough time from Perikos to remove the tendril from between my pussy lips and burrow between my ass cheeks. There was no room to part them in the burrow but Perikos wasted no time before I felt his slick, heavy tendril force its way into my ass. I felt the very tip inside me and I howled out loud, ungagged and caught off guard. Perikos held it still within me a moment before pushing deeper. He moved so incredibly slowly, millimeter by millimeter, letting me focus on how smoothly and carefully he stretched me open. The tip of the tendril expanded slowly in width and I felt my toes curl until my nails dug into the spongy ground below me. I couldn't move my hips without hurting my arm. All I could do was scream.

"There now,"Perikos whispered as he withdrew a few millimeters of tendril from my ass as slowly and carefully as he'd entered. The wide tip of the tendril pulled against the inside of that ring of muscle. It wouldn't come out unless he wanted it to, which honestly wasn't saying much since I knew better than to ever suppose I had a say in this. "Do you remember me telling you that if I wanted I could keep this in you from now on?"

"Yes," I groaned, trying to shift my weight between my feet so the pulsing ache in my ass was at least balanced, if not alleviated.

"It might be a good idea for you to beg me to feed from your other orifice, Little Shade, because this way is so much more appealing when I am so famished. You will take much longer to pleasure this way and because it can be painful I have the privilege of feeding on your fear as well."

"Please, no. Please use...the other one," I knew he could hear me even if I could barely hear myself. Lightening struck again, even closer this time.

Perikos tugged the tentacle inside me gently but all the same it felt like he was trying to pull a square peg out my round hole. "You will never convince me of anything by pretending to be quiet and demure. Be yourself, Jayn, and I will give you everything you need."

I felt my face burn so hot I wondered if it hadn't been struck by lightening while my mind was busy contemplating my predicament. Pride was a big deal for me and then again I didn't have much cause to cling to it. And I had begged Perikos before and he had fucked me till the orgasms left me high and disoriented. Bloody hell did I need to come. I tried to bear down on the tentacle in my ass so I could concentrate on saying the right thing but it grew wider to match the give so I was even fuller than before.

"Please, Perikos, please!" The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. "Please! Do anything you want to me, anything but make me wait! I need it. I need you! Please, anything!"

Perikos said nothing for a moment and the dense tendril in my ass rested there, infuriatingly inert. "I need you too, Jayn. I will indeed do anything I want and the first thing I want is to bring you pleasure with this hole. I will use it until I feel your climax. Then I will fill your other hole and feed from you until I am sated. You will enjoy every moment because you trusted me and humbled yourself." I felt the wide tip of the tendril narrow and Perikos pushed it deeper into me. "Relax these muscles, Little Shade, like you tried to do before,"he said over my pained grunts and groans."That's right, good. You are so delicious when you're immobile, when I am stuffing you full."

He thrust the tendril deeper and withdrew it before slamming it back into place and stretching me wide all over again. He didn't go deep like before but instead withdrew fully every time, stretching and restretching my hole till it gaped every time he entered. My shouts became moaning little mews and pain and shameful, glorious lust. I could feel it rising up inside me like some lost horror of the deep as Perikos thrust the tendril in and out of me. I felt him expand slightly in width, out of necessity as my muscles adjusted to the torment. He didn't want me to adjust, ever. He wanted me to know he would always hold me down, crawl up inside me and ride me till he had had enough.

I screamed so loud as my body shook with wave after wave of orgasm that I could hear myself over the thunder. Perikos kept thrusting till I stopped quivering. He held himself till for a moment before sliding out easily. "That was magnificent, Little Shade. I was going to keep this one inside you,"he traced my sore and gaping asshole with his tendril,"but there is plenty of time to play later. Instead I will concentrate exhausting your system with orgasms."

A thick, knobbly tentacle pushed past my lips but the pain didn't even register. I could I have cheered out loud and I did as I felt something long and thin affix itself to my puffy pink clit. I felt heat explode through my pelvis as another climax rocked me, this time quick and sharp as needles. The knobbly tentacle pumped in and out of me and my juices slowed in thick rivulets down my thighs. I gasped and moaned and tried to bend my knees to open my legs wider. More, more, more.

"How I wish I could fill your mouth right now,"Perikos' song felt like it was coming from deep inside me and I felt my body hum in time with it. The back of my neck and the space right below my navel twitched and tickled from the wet heat of it."I would open your throat and cover your eyes, stroke your hair and touch ever inch of your face. I would have the luxury of controlling everything you saw, heard and felt. Every time you climaxed and every time you took a breath, every movement you made and every thought you had would be mine to give you, and I would give it all happily, Jayn. You are mine to protect, and hold and fill to the brim."

Oh shit, I was so close. I could feel it in my nail beds, in my eyelids.

"Do you like the shape?"Perikos wiggled the knobbly tentacle inside me for emphasis. I felt it change so that every nodule multiplied itself until Perikos' tentacle must have looked like a smoother, slightly softer version of a breed of spotted cucumber we grew on Ferox 4. The bumps and bristled ribbing tickled every nerve inside me. I came hard, painfully this time.

"You are squeezing it so hard it is difficult to push it any deeper inside you without causing you discomfort."Perikos crammed it in further in anyway, maybe to illustrate the point that my discomfort was part of the package deal.

I groaned as I felt the supple, rounded conical bristles tickle my cervical wall. The tiny tendril coiled around my clit clenched it taut and I arched my back as far as I could. How could I be this close again so soon?

"You are going to ride this until the storm abates or until consciousness fails you, whichever comes first. Do not worry, I will not continue to feed from you after that point, regardless of the circumstance."He wiggled the tentacle in my pussy again."Do not bother to think or try to stop it. You are no longer under the delusion that there is any point. Be still and let me fill you."

The first thrust finished me and I know he never stopped thrusting after that, even when my body was stiff and rigid from exhaustion, when the lightest touch to my clit brought stinging stars in front of my eyes. Let go, let go, I told myself. It didn't work of course; I couldn't stop myself from trying to close my legs, from trying to shift away from thrusts. He didn't scold or punish me or say anything at all. He just ploughed it into me, ripping the orgasms out of me. This wasn't like before. I felt so helpless and he wasn't slowing or changing it up or stopping and there was nothing I could do to alleviate the tension.

"Stop, please!" I begged as he milked my body for more.

"You have taken more."His voice was a drum roll and he stole another. There was a violence to it.

"But it hurts!" I gasped. And it did. The intensity had crossed from pleasure to pain to exhaustive agony.

"You are mine to hurt,"he answered and the suddenly my fear returned, real and unabated. My trust evaporated like water in a kettle. No, no, no. I never agreed to this. I would have run away if I could.

My vision faded, slowly at first until I could only see a few distant cracks of lightening, and then in blotches so that big shadows shaped like fireworks danced in front of my retinas. I was losing it and he still wasn't stopping. The world got darker and I felt myself wanting to crawl out of the darkness. This is too much, I murmured. Did I say that out loud? The darkness was frightening as it closed in on me again. What if he never stopped?

My body felt warm and heavy and my muscles felt loose. I opened my right eye and saw daylight and forgot where I was for a moment. I looked down and saw two handfuls of grass, berries and mushrooms wedged between my chest and the side of the burrow. I must have dropped them and they had nowhere else to go.

"How are you feeling?"I heard Perikos ask me, his music softer than I'd heard in a while, more subdued.

It took me a moment to remember what I was waking up from. My skin was warm and I felt lazy, like if I fell asleep now I could sleep for days. Then I remembered my consciousness fading. My head felt foggy, like the memory was dusty and cobwebbed even though it couldn't have been more than a few hours ago. I remembered feeling darkness closing in on my vision, and the intensity of the pain I could do nothing to stop. I remembered the epiphany, the real truth behind having no control over anything that happened. I closed my eyes against the overcast sky and the darkness scared me for the first time since the Loyalists captured me. It wasn't the thought of being alone without Perikos though, it was the thought of being totally at his mercy.

"Jayn? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm all right," I didn't sound all right, even to myself. I swallowed hard. "We should go soon."

"Please eat first. You haven't had the chance."

I looked down at what passed for food in front of me and was prepared to declare that I had no appetite for it but my stomach caught up with me. When had I last eaten? Two days ago? More? I tried to concentrate on what I was eating in case it made me sick so I'd know to avoid it, but I was so famished I could barely concentrate on anything besides chewing and swallowing.

"Jayn, are you angry with me?"

I stuffed my mouth with food so I didn't have to respond but I realized that I didn't actually know the answer. Hadn't he been pretty much clear with me from the get go? Hadn't he used me like that before and hadn't I begged for more? This certainly wasn't the first time he forced me to do something I would never have let him do willingly. Did I even have a right to be angry?

I swallowed a mouthful of the berries. They were bitter, but juicy and a fair sight better than the mushroom buffet I was used to and maybe I'd be able to stave off the scurvy or whatever. I had to be losing my mind along with my autonomy. Of course I had the right to be angry. I had the right to do whatever I wanted, actually. Fuck Perikos and Shadow and the Loyalists and every other godforsaken alien on the goddamn planet. I was right before. I went along with all this every step of the way because I wanted to and the minute I stopped wanting to would be the end of it. Perikos had saved my life, sure, but I'd saved him just as often with a lot fewer resources at my disposal. If it weren't for me, he'd still be on Kragosa sucking the life force out of death row inmates if he hadn't starved to death. Sure, the prison had been an awful experience but it wouldn't have killed me. Perikos might have even made up the worst stuff about Brogn to scare me, to gain my trust or at least my cooperation. I sighed and took a bite out of the corner of a dark green leaf. It tasted about how I expected a leaf to and given how hungry I was that was fine by me.

Yes I was angry with Perikos. For wanting to control me so much that he didn't care I was scared. He didn't stop because he knew I couldn't make him and that much was just the way things were. He was going to do whatever he wanted even if it made me miserable and this was my life now and I'd better get used to it. Who wouldn't be angry?

"I've finished eating. We should go." I wiped the remnants of berry juice off my mouth and tried to sound dignified.

"You are right,"Perikos didn't sound guilty exactly but he did sound quieter. More distant. "Move your left arm in front of you so I can get your right arm free."

I did as I was told and felt Perikos' tendrils on my butt and thighs as he pushed me forward almost gingerly, till I could reach the edge of the burrow with both arms and support myself. I tried to square my hips to make sure no light got in. I was pretty pissed with Perikos but I didn't want him dead.

"Do you think you can get yourself out from here?"

"I got in, didn't I?" my voice sounded way too bitter and not even a little dignified. I was never much of a bullshitter.

"Yes, you did. I must retreat before you leave. Please be careful, Jayn."He pushed my lips apart rather unceremoniously and I felt something smoother and very slender slide up into me, barely touching the sides. I felt the familiar sharp pangs as he slipped past my barrier and settled as far inside me as he could go. I sucked in my gut and heaved hard till I pulled my hips free. The only problem was that on the angle of the burrow and I overcompensated and pulled too hard. My hips popped free and I fell ass over teakettle into a puddle of mud outside the hole.

If I'd been in a better mood I would have laughed or tolerated Perikos laughing. I felt him shift in my belly but he said nothing, which was definitely for the best. I sat up, wiped the mud out of my eyes and looked at my arm. The skin on my right arm was pinched where the splint had broken from my having landed on it. Something about it snapping bothered me. I narrowed my eyes and tried to make out any splints in the mud but it looked fine. It felt fine too and then it hit me. That was my broken arm.

I pulled the dry, frayed vine off my arm and looked at the place Perikos has set the bone less than forty-eight hours ago. It was perfect, apart from being covered in mud. The skin was clear and unbruised and it didn't hurt when I wiggled it. What the fuck was going on?

I stood up and wiped the largest clumps of mud off my chest and legs. "You didn't drug me or anything, did you?" The fact that I wasn't stiff or sore from Perikos' abuse had been bothering me in a vague, don't-look-a-gift-horse-in-the-mouth kind of way. And now this?

"I would never do that,"I heard softly in my hear. Rape was fine but drugs weren't apparently. Intriguing. "Perhaps something you ate has anesthetic properties in your system."

I thought back to the berries and the leaves. I looked down at my arm. "Fine, but riddle me this then. My arm looks completely healed."

I waited in silence for almost a full minute before Perikos replied, his tone entirely even and devoid of surprise. "That's because your arm isn't broken."

"But itwasbroken."

"Yes."

"And now it isn't?"

"No."

I blinked. "And you don't think this a big deal because...?"

"If your bone had not been broken before and was now, I would consider that a 'big deal'."

That seemed awfully evasive to me but I was kind of eager at that moment for more reasons to be mad at Perikos and him knowing something was weird and not telling me was a perfect excuse. I wouldn't have let it go so easily if I hadn't been so pleased to not be in pain. I set my shoulders, tried not to think about my arm too much, and continued walking east.