by calx86
Will you be writing another chapter? Or did you want chapter 3 to be your last one?
The emotions were lacking, which made connection with the character difficult, especially on a sensuous level. Also, this all seemed very rushed, not only to get to the sex, but also to get through it, making me think 'was that it? Plus the ending really did feel like you were pulling a "show's over, everybody leave act," in that it rushed about trying to throw loose ends together in a very 'tada' fashion. Just him saying, "Oh hey, I'm immortal," doesn't really conclude it, it just quickly throws a lid on it, and says, "Stop reading now," with no emotional connection.
If you like this story check out my Enchanted Panties story as well. I only have the first 2 chapters on this site since the moderators banned me from submitting anything else. The rest of my work as well as work from other awesome authors is in the site below:
http://magicmystique.com/
The Living Sex Toy is some of my earliest work and will soon be revised when I am done with my current series.
I loved the parts where the sex shop itself come alive and ravish her