All Comments on 'The Long Road Goodbye'

You took the time to make a great backstory, so that the world seems real, and you managed to involk not only short term arousal but also the feeling that there is something worth fighting against, as the other comment shows.

So, good work there.

One could question minor things but esp. for a first story, it is great.

Some things I would question is why the characters will be so self-aware ... as an author, you do know why people do things, but most people don't admit to their actual priorities, but are in effect several characters in one body. The girl shows some of this, but it is more from a meta perspective rather than a personal one... what made her choose or get trapped into the situation? Student loans and such? Some special hypnosis? It is suggested but not explained... which is fine, but I thought as a character, she shouldn't be so aware of her fate, but more, aware of what lead to it, justifying not getting out rather than concerned about the future being limited.

Similarly for him, but opposite... he said the job doesn't pay much, but it is not clear if teh car is owned by the company, how he spends the salary, and how he got the job... which is all good, you already go beyond what most stories do... perhaps just something for future episodes if you make it into a series.

I fully liked it, 5/5, just giving you food for thought because I guess just 5/5 alone would be not as useful.

Regardless of what you decide, hope you write more... maybe you inspired me to pick up the pen, as well, we'll see.

Thanks for sharing this with the world. Please right more.

Such a well written, well thought out story. You really felt empathy for Phillips and Trixie, both caught in their own particular way by powerful, overwhelming currents they could never hope to swim against or wade out from.

This is one of the few mind control stories that delves into the rarely addressed but always under the surface, present question: what is the final, end of the road fate of a mind controlled sex slave when she gets used up or old? Nothing even remotely good.

And you get a strong invitation impression Phillips ultimate fate will not be good either, destroyed by his own guilt or eventually disappeared by the company. He seems on his own long road goodbye.

Thanks for just a monster terrific story that had so much more than mind control and sex. A thinking mans story with heart and chills both. Just great stuff.

I really loved the original take on the fuck toy cliche and the humanness of the characters, the details.

I hope you write more pieces (maybe next time one that is more wankable? Or not, if it's not your style - I would still enjoy the writing). I don't comment often, but this piece was really one of the rare gems one sometimes finds here. Thanks!

A first submission? Remarkable! Please continue. Your talent for bringing us into the minds of your characters is superior to the vast majority of writers on this site.

I'm carried away by the flow of the story, it makes me feel sad though.. its like I'm watching a tragedy film..lol xD I really love it.

First time reading any mind control stories and this one caught my eye. Very good. Thank you for sharing.

Chilling. Very well-written and characterized. I'm not a fan of mind-control stories, but I think the highest compliment I can pay is that I am glad I overlooked that to read this. Excellent work. Full five stars even with the basic concept being against my natural tastes. I look forward to more.

... so all I can say is I enjoyed this very much. Great story, thank you!