All Comments on 'The Lost Lord Ch. 08'

I've read all your stories and i love them all!

keep up the good work!

Love it, your writing has greatly improved. Keep up the creativity :)

This is a really good story. It has grabbed my attention since chapter 1.

Good job on fleshing out the characters. liking it so far

Even if this story did not have sex, I would read it for the plot! :)

Loving this story, can't wait for the next chapter!

I love this story. Thank you for sharing it

Love you work. Keep it up.

Oh, my god. Awsome, best one yet. Was worried there would be no sex in this story, and then it was so well formed in with the story. I squirted from reading... Very impressive, despite the gramar glitches. More please!!!

Okay, here's something I noticed in this chapter: the scenes, i.e. going from Rainer and Aureal in the school, to Lauren and Asmodea in the school, then to the fight in the factory, and then suddenly into Aureal's internal battle and the dreamscape that it all took place on. The thing I noticed was that there was no transition between the scenes, you just leapt from one to the other without warning, leaving a sort of disjointed, herky-jerky kinda feeling behind.

I'd be reading along, then suddenly I'm thinking "What the hell? Oh, scene change." That is definitely something else you need to work on is your scene transitions. Hopefully the stuff I'm pointing out will help in the future, especially with any future projects you may have and when you do the rewrite for this story. Notice I didn't say if you do a rewrite, I said when. There is no question in my mind that the writing of this story needs an overhaul, and it would be a bad idea not to do a rewrite. You could do so much better, and I'm sure you will eventually.

My previous comments still stand, this is a decent story, and I will continue to read.

Your main problem in writing a story, is that you're not associating with your characters. So instead of the characters behaving according to their feelings and the events that provoke them, they behave like puppets: talking about the things you want to talk about and doing the things you want them to do. Makes them all seem so lifeless... The only exception, I think, is the protagonist. Because you are associating yourself with him.

The result of this all is cliche behavior and dialogs, which makes the characters boring.

After that the words you use to describe how a character reacted to a certain situation or behaved themselves, do not convey the feelings the characters feel. I as a reader perceive them in the same dissociated state and thus don't feel anything for the characters.

regardless of what the previous comment said I have enjoyed the story so far. It has kept my interest more than a lot of stories I have read, THANKYOU.

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And the perfect way to end a chapter, I laughed outloud

interesting turn of events. I like how he is piecing together his harem and his future wife is handling

it pretty well.

That ending... Preteen girls. Totally ruined this story for me. Why did I have to become a pedophile story?