All Comments on 'The Major's Pretty Baby Face'

Great concept for a story. The product not so great and at times almost painful to read. Editing, transitions and coherent thoughts demand the most attention. I'll keep fingers crossed on a more successful Ch. 02.

I found this a difficult read, not because of the writing, but because of the slow moving plot. Too much unnessessary background information is given too often, killing the pace and momentum of the story. For one thing your story should start:

From where I was sitting I could see the bartender cleaning my glass . . .

As the author it is important for you to know about your character's background, but your reader does not need the same amount of information. Conflict and tension drive plot, but there is very little to keep me wanting to read more as I wade through this chapter. You need to extensively and ruthlessly edit this. It should be at least half the length it is, or you risk losing the reader from bordom.

Good luck with your story.

that didn't advance the plot. That being said, overall the story was very good, just needs editing. Terrific ideas, descriptions, etc but too much unnecessary detail that doesn't have meaningful impact on the story. It might be difficult to cut stuff out (we all love what we write) but force yourself to trim off the excess baggage.

As I read the above concerns about excessive detail, I will say that I understand but I loved all of it. It may have made the story longer but it also brought me through smoothly to the ending words. I like to read as though I am the main character and your details gave an excellent multi-faceted element to the story. Thank you very much.

You put a lot of detail in this, about the characters' lives and personalities but there is so much more to do with them. My guess is you have plans based on the responses you receive? I say "goferit"!

I want to hear more about all of the major players and what else motivates them. The fact you say "end of chapter one" says you have at least a following chapter. Good, but don't stop after the second one!

I want to thank everyone who enjoyed this story for their encouragement in continuing with more Chapters for I certainly shall. PassionatePatty and lapnblnc have deduced and said well the reason for details. The devil or the angels are in the details.

I REALLY ENJOYED READING THIS STORY. I FELL IN LOVED WITH THE CHARACTERS . JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGHT .CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTERS. MORE PLEASE!!!!!!!

The Characters are well thought out and easy to know. The D/s is well done, I was wet from the 2nd paragraph