All Comments on 'The Massage'

Ha ha, are you going to leave us hung up on this or is there going to be a sequel? I enjoyed the yarn and look forward to seeing, if and how you are going to take this one further. An enjoyable read.

Truthfully, I am disappointed I did not get the "H" marker for this. I have the second part 1/4-1/2 done but at this point I am not sure if I will complete it. If I don't, I hope you'll understand. It is not my intention to leave anyone hanging.

I did receive anonymous complimentary emails before and after I submitted the story. Thank you.

You didn't get an "H" because this story (or at least this part, if you continue on), doesn't deserve it. <br><br>

First, this part does not belong under "Incest/Taboo." It should either go possibly under "lesbian" for Heidi's fantasies about Maria, or "voyeur" for making Heidi and Maria and your readers have to listen in on the banging and grunting going on at the bordello.<br><br>

If you want to know why I wasn't aroused by the story, here it is:<br>

1. The massage parlor sounded like a cheap bordello. To be honest, most women would not choose to frequent such a place. Every city has exclusive, expensive spas and certain masseuses may be more popular in those spas, but it's done very discreetly. I just rolled my eyes at the description of them in the reception area, prepaying with a credit card, seeing some of the "girls" in their little outfits. It's just too much like the Mustang Ranch - about as far from classy as you can go.

<br>2. <i>Heidi could see the shocked expression on Maria's face. "Don't worry. This area is sound proof." </i> ... OMG - I laughed out loud! Dude - if Heidi and Maria can hear every word, grunt, and groan, then it's not sound proof.<br>

3. <i>"I've got Gio booked for both of us. I'll go first. He'll shower then take care of you. Speaking of a shower, every room has one. Go shower, relax, have some Champagne."</i><br>

I share many things with my friends. But I don't want my friend's second-hand gigolo that just came from fucking her next door. That's just gross. <br>

4. The correct spelling is Dom Perignon. If you want to convey high class, it would help to use the proper spelling.<br>

5. And finally, referring to your main character repeatedly as "The Italian" is very off-putting. How can a reader get hot and bothered, if the author can't even keep the story personal to the level of calling his own main character by her name?<br>

I gave you a 50 for taking the time to write a story. Some readers, and more likely men than women, might find this somewhat erotic. But mislabeled as incest, you will have people like me checking it out and getting annoyed that there is no incest whatsoever.

Gee, thanks for that detailed and unwanted critique.

You stated, "If you want to know why I wasn't aroused by the story, here it is:" No, actually I didn't want to know. Your first paragraph was sufficient.

The massage parlor was a fantasy setting. I wasn't going for any factual basis or correlation.

Your writing about the sound proof part is correct. I should have stated sound proofing was from outside the door leading to the reception area.

Re: your comment about sharing Gio. I am sorry but I wasn't basing the story on what YOU would do. Again it is a fantasy. Anything can happen in a fantasy.

Re: the spelling lesson. OMG: I made a typographical error! Oh such a sin! I guess you never made a spelling mistake so please forgive this mere mortal.

Re: the Italian. I am sorry about this too. I guess I should have used “Maria” EVERY SINGLE time she spoke/did something instead of using another noun or adjective to describe her. So when a newspaper is writing about President Bush—politics aside—they shouldn’t use alternatives like “the President” or “Mr. Bush.” You need to notify the media of this journalistic correction.

As far as this “shouldn’t be in the incest section”: #1. It is a build-up to an incestuous union. #2. I guess a naked aroused mother seeing her equally naked aroused son—that’s not (impending) incest. It would be more appropriate in the B&D section, right? Oh wait, it's because I added the incestuous element at the end of story? Again: 1000 apologies.

Now just think: you were so disappointed with the story and spent time with all this detailing critique, when you could have spent time looking for or reading a story you enjoyed.

Ernest, it's time to grow up and suck it up. You wrote it, you bravely posted it and that part is honorable - BUT - you also set it up to allow for comments...dah Next time don't let people have a chance to give their opinion if you don't want to hear it.... dah Get yourself some thicker skin so you can take the heat or write for yourself and enjoy your work without allowing voting or comments. Consider this, you make yourself look stupid replying on the comments section of your own work. Maybe you should just delete what you don't want others to read and reply directly to them by email or simply let it roll off your shoulders. That's called being mature. Accept it, not everyone is going to like your work as much as you do. BTW, I would have given you a 25 just because you had the courage to post but since you have to complain about what you asked for, I decided a 00 is what you deserve.

Gee, thanks coach. So I guess someone addresses comments made about--perfect example: our current presidential election--if Hillary says something about Obama, and his replies I guess he's being immature. It's freedom of speech. If there was an email address for "honest opinion" I would have sent it. Maybe I was wrong for expressing my disappointment in the first place. Since I decided there probably won't be a Part 2, I felt like sharing that.

You're absoultely right: not everyone is going to like my (or anyone else's work). Absolutely right! But don't I have a right to reply?

I'll give you a zero all around. Yet, I will do you a favor: I will ask the site to delete this whole post and story.

Why do u ask for comments if u dont want them? The story read like a 15 yr old fantasy. Maybe that is what u are (u r acting like it) I suppose removing your story would be better for you..... that way u wouldnt have to hear any more critics to help you improve your writing.

They should keep children off of this site, starting with u Ernie. Go back to hanging out with Burt

The "writer" of this thoroughly forgettable "story" can't handle the truth, and the truth is he just isn't a good writer. He has everything he needs to be a complete failure: incorrect spelling, uneven and poorly constructed dialogue, bad grammar, and an inadequate grasp of the rules of punctuation. But when someone points out why his childish rant about not getting an "H" is so ridiculous, this "writer" threatens to pick up all his marbles and go home. LOL Tell you what, Ernie, you go ahead and pull this "story" off the website and go pout in the corner. I think the world will keep running just fine without you. By the way, your story was an immature expression of something that was highly implausible from the beginning. Even in fantasy, you have an obligation to lay a foundation for the drama. If you can't see that, find some other way of expressing your infantile little day dreams because this form just isn't working.

Thank you for the last two comments.

Best regards.

Where is the next chapter, don't leave us hanging here!

I appreciate the request but, at least for now, there will not be another chapter.

Why stop.. there is heaps more to come..

You have left me horny & waiting for the action to come

and you sir are no Hemingway!

in fact, as inconsistent as your own story is, (many listed above by anon), you are not even earnest about your writing. The one thing you are good at is ranting when critiqued. as also mentioned above, if your writing continues on this level you will need to forget the awards a develop tougher skin.

A really good buildup, but really no surprize. Just what I was hoping for, a big dicked son for mommy.

I have thought about doing a redux of this or just continuing. If I did, I may change Heidi's name. (That's my wife's name and we're divorced now.) I don't know. I am actually working on a different story currently.

... a proper ending. Name change or not, you need to write another chapter.

You have this great buildup and just end it like that without continuing it? This story was done back in 2008 and you couldnt even bother to properly finish it? Thanks for wasting my time!

Because you led me all the way to the end, then just fucking bailed. Piss on this "story", and piss on you

You're just not gonna finish this story? We didn't even get an actual sex scene, only an implied one. Come on!