by JCBeleren
So far I think it's possible that deception can exist, just no one says false statements. This allows for cheating but the cheater always comes clean when confronted.
Has potential. I'm liking it so far. Though the other comments I see do raise interesting points, mostly about the power and repetition, and the concept of absolute truth preventing cheating. But it's hard to be 100% faithful to such an idea so I'll let those minor things slide.
So far this story is great. There are so many possibilities and hope you explore all of them.
Cheating is a form of deception. In a culture that has NO concept of lying, the girlfriend (with a male name) would have broken up with the MC, THEN gotten back with her ex. It simply wouldn’t be possible for her to cheat.
ZK
Aaron is a boys name. Kinda ruins it.
Also, while this is a fun idea, the dude's powers are way too broad. You'll get a few hot scenes out of it, and then everything else will just be a rerun of something that already happened.
JCBeleren, I know from reading your comments that you intentionally use Aaron as a girls name, citing that you have some female friends with it spelled that way. If you search for whether Aaron is a boy or girls name you will see this “Aaron: It's a boy!
Since 1880, a total of 537,715 boys have been given the name Aaron while 1,369 girls were named Aaron.”
It is truly off putting when you are reading an erotic scene featuring a female character and then you read a predominantly male name. It takes you out of the moment and ruins the flow. You don’t read it that way because you identify it as a girls name. Try taking a passage that contains a female Aaron, replace that name with Arthur, and see how it affects your read. That is what your readers experience.
I typically read this as a warm up, but actually watch porn to finish. I even had a second story cued up to read after this. Didn't need either. I love the premise. I'm guessing you took it from the movie, "The Invention of Lying"? Nothing wrong with that, that premise was ripe with story potential, especially in porn writing. I can't wait to read more.
On a separate note, I know exactly what you mean by loving people's comments. I have several stories listed as hot, but I'd almost rather no ratings at all and people just comment what they liked.
Just thought you should know 'Aaron' is a guy's name. The girl version is 'Erin'. Which is what I'm guessing you were probably shooting for.
This is the second story/series of yours I’ve read where you’ve named a female character Aaron. When you give a female character a masculine name with no explanation, it tends to pull the reader out of the narrative. You could just as easily have named her Erin.
Very fast to the goodies, but there are more in store, I'm sure! Thank you!
but is he going to go back for his Viking Goddess. and will he turn Aaron into cuckquean. having her come close by watching but never getting their. with restriction's on who and how she can get off.
But more sex please. One or two paragraphs to describe a sexual encounter is too little. Otherwise the story is really good.
Love this story, please add a part two. This kind of reminds me of the movie "The Invention of Lying" but a lot sexier! great job !! love your writing style too.
You said you're also on other platforms, what might they be? I read your profile but there's no mention of other sorces.
this has a lot of potential. original device, well-conceived. hope you continue the story.
Honestly, this was a super hot story. I enjoyed it, my only problem is that some of the things he said were statements and didn't seem like something in the constraints of Truth.
From what I've gathered the world has this weird thing that causes everyone to have to speak the truth. Which is pretty fuckling crazy honestly. But, just because you have to say the truth and only the truth is real doesn't mean that any sentence structure would work.
An example being when he told Kristi what to do over the phone. If he said something like.. you want to wear really slutty clothes and come over to my place tonight that would work. Because no one can say a lie and if he said it, it must be true. But saying you are going to wear a slutty outfit and come over with Aaron to my place tonight is more like he's stating a fact. Which I suppose could work, but it seems way too filled with holes. I mean... You can tell someone what to, like if a boss wanted an employee to get back to work, but does telling them to get back to work mean that they have to do it?
Unless free will isn't part of this and anyone can say anything to make anyone do anything. As long as it's worded properly anyways, which is a serious plot hole.
Great story. I wonder what will happen if he tries out more methods of communication. We know that writing works, but what happens if he gives an anonymous note to someone that says "come to my place"? Will the victim know where to go, or will they go crazy trying to find out?
This is probably cliche' but this is exactly the style of story I come to MC to find. Great writing, please continue the work.
hi
seams you knwo how ot write. you under stand abotu the set up and the pay off, few under stand.
your storys are well planed and wel lthught out.
keep writighin as ther clerly worth the tiem to read.
the story was brillant,much better then the film, and more practical.
Good story, I like the idea. I suppose some limitations will have to apply to this power. Hope you continue with it :)
My comment is your oxygen? That was a great line XD Thoroughly enjoyed the story, though I hope you introduce some sort of antagonist soon, either to do with the ‘world shifting underneath him’ bit, or perhaps he’s not the first one to develop this power. Every good story needs conflict of some sort, otherwise this will just delve into the depths that is scriptless porn, and lose the feeling of immersion into the story.
All in all though a great read, no glaring edits required and a good pace so far. It’ll be interesting to see how he develops his power, and learns of its limits.
Looking forward to your next chapter, but don’t feel pressured to rush - good writing takes time, and while a chapter every day or two is noble, I won’t blame you if you take a little longer. Quality is better than quantity!
Cheers,
Dennis
But diito on the Erin/Aaron thing. Aaron is a guy, Erin is a girl
realky liked this one. would love to see this expand to changing the entire world with his powers.
Aaron is a man’s name. Erin is a woman’s name. It takes the reader out of the story every time he/she reads Aaron.
Otherwise good stuff
Great story just never saw Aaron being used as a female name. No offense but it feels weird
I'm looking forward to further chapters.
Also, I'm curious, can his power actually alter reality, or is it just people's minds?
Haha. I watched that movie last year at some point and thought it would be fun to do in a more... exciting... way. ;) At the time I didn't have the time to explore the idea but now I'm getting into it.
It's certainly an interesting story, and I'm guessing you must have recently seen "The Invention of Lying" :-P I look forward to seeing what you do with this.
Nice work! Can't wait for another chapter. I can confirm from sucking at math, this doesn't always work, because I still have a C+
Going through the comments I would say I agree with the "nice premise" comment. Alot of stories with mind control are just straight up "you're in love with me have sex with me" Do you have any plans on going into subliminal or subtle/public shaming/lewdity? ALSO PLEASE RELEASE YOUR CHAPTERS WERE ALL SUPER CURIOUS ABOUT HOW FAR THIS CAN GO
I am looking forward to reading this story line as new chapters are published. I can see many angles that this story can go. With this power he can really get back at his ex even more and even grow a Harem. Does this spoken truth extend to physical changes, like growing bigger tits or saying that the woman cannot get pregnant unless he wants to bread them and then only by him? There are so many possibilities.
Id love to see more of this, especially with some limitations to his powers. Maybe it only works on females, and all the guys will be super confused whats going on.
This is the second story I've seen lately with a female character named Aaron. Is that a thing now? I've always thought of Aaron as the male variant of the name. I know women named Arin or Erin, I've never met, or heard of a woman named Aaron.
A great start with this character. Please don't let him turn into a total asshole as so many of these stories do. He should have fun.
Thank you! The fact that you took the time to read my story made MY day!
This made me smile. :) You are so kind, and comments like this are sometimes the thing that keeps me going with my fingers on the keyboard when I feel like wasting my free time on Netflix or YouTube instead of writing.
I could not ask for higher praise. Thank you so, so much for your generous words.
Clay, I'm so glad you felt that my ending was personal and intriguing. I do my best to satisfy and not just piss off my readers. ;)
Haha. It's the thought that counts ;) Luckily I have enough kind and generous readers that a single 1-star review won't sink my ego. (And you were amazing enough to tell me you actually did enjoy my work -- worth more than 10 five-star reviews!)
Thank you so much! Your suggestions and feedback are really appreciated.
So far I have 4 chapters written and it's not even slowing down. (This is a problem I have, haha. I manage to keep making a story more complicated than it needs to be and the plot keeps getting deeper and deeper...)
Made my day.
Don’t take the reality of remorse away with the brain washing. She still needs to know what she did was wrong.
I never leave comments on these, but honestly your last series was fucking fantastic and i was ecstatic for each one. You have real talent, and you do a great job.
Wow! A great Idea to begin with but you built on the premise perfectly. The ending was a nice touch. Many stories end with a cliffhanger that doesn’t really make you want to read more but with a joke at the end it is a very nice personal touch. -Clay
I accidentally hit one star and it won't let me change iiiiiit. I'm the worrrrrrst.
Hey I really am liking how this story is starting out!
After reading the part of her potentially leaving with his cum in her face I think I would suggest you add some subliminal or subtle changes to the girls to set your writing apart from the other mind control writings from other authors! With a premise like this you might actually be able to take advantage of that (not straight up like nudity in public but subtle stuff like what they wear or what they do when no one's looking)
Anyways great start I hope this doesn't just end in a few chapters this one has potential
Hmm. I get this a lot. I personally have several female friends with the double-a spelling and I chose to use that one. So no, I didn't mean "Erin" but I may use that name in the future, because I think it's quite pretty.
I think you mean to have her name be Erin. Not Aaron like Aaron Judge.